or is my mum?

[NotAnotherNewNappy]

My mum has DD (2.4yo) one day a week while I go to work. I am v grateful for this and, as I do fundamentally respect her parenting skills, I often let things slide (e.g. DD often comes home clutching a fruitshoot and a happy meal toy).

Today she brought up a bargain buggy that she was well chuffed to have found for £20. Within 1 min DD had got in it, done the straps up and then burst into tears because she'd hurt her finger (and she's quite hard so she it really must have hurt for her to cry like that).

I looked at the clasp, it's a rubbish design: the T bit comes apart when you push the sides in, making a perfect pinching implement, IYKWIM?

I said I didn't like it and really didn't want her to use it for DD, we'll buy her another lightweight buggy if needs be. Mum replied that she'll do the straps up for her all the time. I said no because she'll get to it when you're not looking or, when somebody else doing the straps up, she could put her arm across it and that will get pinched.

She protests, I say "I am her mother, why can't you respect my decision on this?". Mum starts shouting and upsetting DD (who's now calmed down and climbed back in the buggy) by saying "Mummy doesn't want you to have it."

I say DON'T ARGUE WITH ME IN FRONT OF DD! (accompanied by m'net special death stare). Then I distract DD for 5 mins while we all calm down then act like nothing happened. She's now gone off in a huff, telling DD that nanny has to take the buggy back as mummy doesn't like it.

AIBU??

Oh I want your mum....

I know you are peeved with her but your mother and went and bought a buggy - she wasn't to know the clasp might be a little iffy ( is it iffy or just to get used to? and not for a 2 yr old to do up?)

Please tell her you are having an off-day. Just revel in the fact your mum and your daughter have a happy relationship cos' that's invaluable.

I once pinched my dd leg in her car seat strap. It must have really hurt her! My point is accidents happen. I'd let mum keep the buggy but if it happens again then you will be in you rights to get rid. Most pushchairs car seats have fiddly clips that can pinch but that's a minor issue compared to other dangers I think you have over reacted a tad

I know, I know, she is great and I do appreciate her most of the time - honest. I just felt like I would be being irresponsible by letting her take DD out in a buggy I thought was unsafe to protect her feelings.

To make matters worse, I have sent them out with the P&T Sport which has managed to lock itself and my mum can't work out how to unfold it. So now they have no buggy at all and I am being even more U

These things happen. Treat mum to coffee or lunch out and say you were over reacting. She will be fine.

what do you think the clasp will do "kill her", we bought an expensive maxicosy car seat for out baby and I trapped his finger in the clasp (luckily i never shut it but it still hurt). Should I not use it now then?

also she has spent her money on the trolly for her use. you should of bought your own. oh and what has the happy meal and fruit shoot got to do with it?

YABU, apologise to your mum, life's too short.

I think you overreacted.

I pinched myself in the clasp of ds's buggy once, it bloody hurt!

I agree that your mum shouldn't be arguing with you in front of DD, this is very wrong. She undermined you infront of your daughter and tried to make you look like the baddy. I'm not surprised you're upset. I'd ditch the buggy, it sounds unsafe.

I can't believe how harsh some of the posters here are being on the OP, it's shameful. I wouldn't wish to see my child injured by a buggy clasp, it's really painful.

OP-how do the straps on your buggy fasten?

Oh dear NotanotherNewNappy - prepare for her return with unfolding P&T, for that knowing look only a mother can deliver and your mum has had years of prefecting it so best take that withering look on the chin.

She means well, you mean well. But I would still like to borrow her.

It's difficult to explain without showing you. I've had 3 buggies - a Maclaren, a Mammas and Pappas and I've just bought a secondhand P&T (DD due in 10 weeks. All of them fasten fine, though I accept you could pinch yourself one them if you fastened it in an awkward position.

On this one, when you push the the side bit in, the central bit of plastic is not in one piece and the pressure of the side bit forces it open a few millimetres. Then once the clasp is in, the plastic shuts quickly - making it v easy to pinch yourself (much easier than on the 3 types of clasps mentioned above).

I put the bit about the fruitshoots and the McDonalds in to show that I don't usually interfere. I don't think either of them are a massive problem in moderation.

DD2 due in 10 weeks

OK, when I read OP I thought it was the design of fastener that you didn´t like & was thinking that I´d never seen anything else anyway.

So, arguing in front of your child-not on.

But tbh if your mum is happy to strap your daughter in whilst she is looking after her then it´s up to her.

Your daughter shouldn´t be strapping herself in-it needs to be done by an adult to check that it is properly done.

I´m not surprised your mum was offended at the idea that she´s not capable of buying a buggy.

Aw, you rained on your mum's parade when she was all pleased about having found this bargain pushchair, and over-reacted to a minor accident. I think you should say sorry.

Lots of people have parents who won't help out at all, cherish yours!

YABU learning to strap yourself into a buggy isn't something a child needs to do. I fairly certain you don't seee panick stricken twenty years old on planes going "I don't know how to do the belt up my mum ALWAYS strapped me in"

That has really tickled me...

OP... stop being a 'helicopter parent' and apologise to your Mum before she gives you a well-deserved smack on the back of your legs.

What's a helicopter parent?

I think you handled it badly TBH. If you really didn't want to use the buggy you should have waited until later to discuss it with your Mum.

Maybe you could have bought your Mum a lightweight buggy you were happy with as a replacement.

Hahahaaaa - yes you are being unreasonable!

Ohhhh I am chuckling at this. Fancy turning your nose up at the buggy your mum found. for fear your dd might get pinched! Can't believe you told her not to use it!

Why did you have to make a big deal about in front of your DD? It could have waited until later.

Monkeyflippers... It's a parent who hovvers over their child all the time, preventing each and every miniscule 'happening', swooping in in the nick of time, in a misguided attempt to protect the child but in reality just prevents it from learning as a normal child would.

If you are getting free child care then you have to let her do it her way. If you want control when you are not there you need to find a nursery or CM that respects your views.

YABU