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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to leave 6 month old in bedroom at wedding

48 replies

pleasethanks · 26/01/2011 09:00

We are going to a wedding when my DD will be 6 months old. We will be staying in the hotel. it has been suggested to me by PIL that when I put her to bed (7pm) I just use a baby monitor and come back to the wedding. It is quite a large hotel and I don't know that many of the guests and don't really feel comfortable doing it. But what is the other option - sitting in a dark room with her from 7pm?

OP posts:

Psammead · 26/01/2011 09:05

You have to do what you feel comfortable with.

If you can't leave her in the room, and there is no quiet part of the venue to let her sleep in whilst you take it in turns to sit with her, then you'll just not be able to go to the party.

If it were me, it would depend how big the hotel was. If your room was just one floor up from the party then it's not much different to being at home.

IloveJudgeJudy · 26/01/2011 09:05

Why don't you keep her up with you? It sounds like it's a family wedding. Normally families love to see DC there. I would go off-routine for this.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 26/01/2011 09:06

YANBU
i'd split the difference. get her into pyjamas and keep her up a bit later, then go to bed with her when she conks out. dd1 always had a 7pm bedtime, but could manage 9ish if we were out somewhere exciting.

lucy101 · 26/01/2011 09:07

Why don't you hire a babysitter to stay in the room with her so you can properly relax. Taking a baby monitor to a reception might be quite stressful.

Original poster

pleasethanks · 26/01/2011 09:09

At this stage she is a nightmare if she does not get enough sleep but she may be different by the time she is 6 months old (4 months at mo) and I am afraid she won't sleep anywhere where there is stimulation - dark room only!

OP posts:

littleomar · 26/01/2011 09:14

yabu. talk to the hotel - they might be able to line you up a babysitter. lots of nursery nurses moonlight and there are various agencies that will send you an OFSTED cleared person for the evening.

KatieMiddleton · 26/01/2011 09:14

What about your dh? Can you not do shifts? Or if it must be you (if they're his side of the family and sitting in a darkened room is preferable to having to interact with them on your own) can you take a good book and a reading light?

Or better still contact the hotel about their baby sitting service and get someone booked in now so you can go go the party too.

littleomar · 26/01/2011 09:14

sorry you are definitely NOT being unreasonable!

MsGee · 26/01/2011 09:14

We had the same thing when DD was 6 mo old. We kept her up a little later and took it in turns to stay in the room with her. I wouldn't have felt comfortable leaving her either, so just go with your instinct.

Ohforfoxsake · 26/01/2011 09:15

Speak to the hotel, see if they have a babysitting service or can recommend one, or if there is a quiet space near the party where she can sleep in her pram until you go to bed. Or ask for a room nearby so you feel more comfortable with leaving a monitor.

Is there anyone going, any teenagers maybe, who would rather have babysitting money than cringing at their parents dancing?

ThisFeelsWeird · 26/01/2011 09:18

Take a reading lamp and do it in shifts. DH and I did this at a wedding last year when DS was 5 months. The wedding was on my side of the family and, in the end, DH was very sweet and did far more of his share up there as he said he wanted me to enjoy myself. Suspect he was also actually quite enjoying his book and dodging out on making small talk with my relatives!

We skipped a bath for DS that night and kept him up as late as we could. I worried and stressed over it so much but on the day it was absolutely fine.

There's no way I would have contemplated a babysitter I didn't know so this way just gave me peace of mind.

I did dance with my phone in my hand all night!

BertieBotts · 26/01/2011 09:19

At 6 months would she not sleep in a car seat or pram at the edge of the (wedding) room somewhere?

dessen · 26/01/2011 09:19

You wont be able to have a good time if you're worrying about her - agree with taking it in turns & getting family to sit with her as well. If this isn't possible then why not just have an early night with her. You will have been busy all day and I imagine up early the next

Original poster

pleasethanks · 26/01/2011 09:22

I think taking it in turns will just have to be the way as I really don't feel comfortable leaving her with a babysitter I don't know (she won't even be held by grandparents at the moment) and since she has been born the only time she will sleep in pram or car seat is when it is moving and I don't fancy that!

OP posts:

ScroobiousPip · 26/01/2011 09:23

pleasethanks. YANBU at not wanting to leave her alone. But only sleeping in a darkened quiet room sounds difficult for you in terms of having a social life. Will she not sleep in a pushchair or a sling? If so, you could walk her to sleep then park up the buggy in the corner of the room. Or get her to sleep first and then move her to a pushchair.

ScroobiousPip · 26/01/2011 09:24

Sorry, cross-posts.

Original poster

pleasethanks · 26/01/2011 09:25

Scroob Well, it is bloody difficult that she will not sleep in her pram unless moving, but that is the hand I have been dealt! But she is great sleeper otherwise so should not really complain too much. But I do get very jealous of my friends who can park up for a coffee and cake with their baby asleep in the buggy. Not me!

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 26/01/2011 09:30

Sorry, x-posted. What about a sling if you want to keep her with you, but think she won't sleep? Maybe being close to your body will help her sleep. At 6 months you should be able to carry her comfortably all evening with a decent sling (not a baby bjorn etc) - you could even hire one to keep the cost down. I'd go for this type (that company will hire them out too)

ThisFeelsWeird · 26/01/2011 09:33

I feel for you pleasethanks. The only way you will have a half-decent time at this wedding and not resent the whole occasion is to keep you LO with you. If that means skipping the evening part of the wedding, so be it. You will have been there all day. People do understand how it is with babies, and if they don't, who cares? Tell youself you and DH will take turn with her in the room (even if it does mean an hour each lying in the dark - you might quite like it!) she will be fine and you will be reassured. Then put it out of your mind

BTW, babies do change their sleeping habits. My DS slept for hours at a time in his pram when he was very small, then stopped doing it for months on end and I was very frustrated by having to stay home during nap-times. Recently he has started dropping off again when we're out so have heart - things might change for you.

Lollypolly · 26/01/2011 09:33

Even at bedtime? My two would never sleep in a pram during a coffee / lunch / for a nap but bedtime was different. DH and I would go through bedtime routine on holiday (dinner, bath, story, milk, bed) and then 20 mins later transfer into buggy with a dark muslin over the hood or carseat then buggy.

We had lots of dinners out on holiday and at home with buggy a few feet away from the table in a corner - even managed a bbq on the beach once. Appreciate there will be a lot of noise at a wedding so this might not be possible but might be worth considering as a last resort....

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/01/2011 09:36

DH and I have always done this. We tend to stay overnight if possible even if the wedding is close by. We all go to the meal etc and when DD gets stroppy tired whichever of us isn't the wedding family, so to speak, takes her up. The other will always come up to see if a change of shift is required but 9 times out of 10 the 'babysitting' person is in bed with biscuits watching the tv anyway :o Actually, it's more fun doing the babysitting tbh...

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/01/2011 09:37

Oops, that reads like we've always done the leaving in bedroom with monitor thing

dinkystinky · 26/01/2011 09:37

Pleasethanks - if she'll go in a sling, just keep her with you in the sling in the evening and I can guarantee she'll fall asleep when she's tired enough. If you're not happy with the babysitter option (which is a viable option) then it would be a case of either keeping her up abit later with you at the party or taking it in turns to sit with her upstairs while she sleeps (invest in a kindle if that will be the case)...

Lollypolly · 26/01/2011 09:49

Meant to say, do whatever you and DH feel most comfortable with - you need to make your decision as parents, not based on persuasion from others

MistyB · 26/01/2011 09:57

Babies are the way they are! We attended a wedding with our youngest and my parents offered to have the monitor in the next bedroom and miss the evening part of the wedding. In the end the hotel provided a babysitter who used the next room so as not to disturb our son. If the hotel can't do a babysitter you could use one of the on line agencies.

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