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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to get reinvolved with snobby friend?

28 replies

chattychattycitygirl · 25/01/2011 22:39

I've been a single parent for the last eight years and met my new partner 2 years ago. One of my 'friends' dropped me socially for all events that involved couples during the time I was single though she remained chatty face to face and invited me for coffee occasionally.

We bump into each other several times a week because our children are friends. I accepted my expulsion from her social circle and thought she was a fair weather friend.

Last week she was shocked to establish that my new partner owns a small chain of independent shops and isn't just a sales assistant in a shop. She has invited us to dinner with two other couples.

I don't feel like going as I have in the intervening years made other non-judgemental friends who have not cared about my marital, employment status and have been friendly to new partner and don't care about what he does for a living. Am I being overly sensitive, petty and unreasonable? Should I put those years behind us and go or make an excuse and decline?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 25/01/2011 22:40

Don't go

You don't need that sort of "friendship"

scurryfunge · 25/01/2011 22:42

She sounds like a tit. Don't go.

manicbmc · 25/01/2011 22:42

I'd be brutally honest with her. She might not even realise what a snob she is.

I was dropped by plenty of 'friends' when I left my ex. Can't say I miss any of them.

LittleNicci · 25/01/2011 22:42

I don't think I would go either. Stick with your other more genuine friends.

PlanetLizard · 25/01/2011 22:42

I would decline.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/01/2011 22:45

I'd decline as well... and I probably wouldn't be able to stop myself from saying, "Sorry, but my partner doesn't think you're really his sort of people".

I don't really get riled up about anything trivial but snobbery is just one thing I can't stomach.

ScarlettWalking · 25/01/2011 22:46

No don't go

Original poster
chattychattycitygirl · 25/01/2011 22:50

Thanks everyone. It took me a while to realise that I'd become a reject and was very hurtful at the time and I wondered how she would have coped in my shoes. I don't want revenge, just don't want to be involved again.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 25/01/2011 22:52

Revenge is a dish best served cold

Your polite decline will be just the ticket

she will probably be too thick-skinned to realise

but you know, we know and your lovely new dp knows

so ner

Zondra · 25/01/2011 22:53

She sounds like a horror.

I would distance myself completely from her. Rather drink coffee on my own than meet up with such a snob.

Cain · 25/01/2011 22:59

I agree with AnyFucker, this 'friend' clearly has nothing positive to bring to the table.

Stick with the non-judgey friends.

sue52 · 25/01/2011 23:00

Don't go. You really won't gain anything from renewing a friendship with this unpleasant woman. The new circle of friends sound much nicer.

Fetlock · 25/01/2011 23:08

don't go but tell her why, she is a social climber impressed with both status and wealth!! and that she didn't appear to be interested in you when you were single and possibly could have done with some more friends

TheFarSide · 25/01/2011 23:12

Life is too short to spend time with such people.

YANBU

applesandcider · 25/01/2011 23:13

I would say Don't Go ... but part of me thinks you should go, drink all her wine, flirt with her DH, behave apallingly and then she'll never invite you again! (If you go for the second option, do warn your DP beforehand and get him to play along!)

solo · 25/01/2011 23:25

Sounds like she thinks she might be in for some bargains from your mans retail business to me...

starfishmummy · 25/01/2011 23:27

I'm sort of with apples and I would go but make sure that she knows that I know what she is up to! And of course I would not invite her back. But yes, make sure your partner is in on it.

Instead of taking chocolates/wine/flowers maybe you could take a multipack of that well known canape, the pom bear!! Bear[bbear]

manicbmc · 25/01/2011 23:27

Mmm I do like Applesandcider's idea. Grin

Get spectacularly drunk and sneer at her risotto.

friedtoacrisp · 25/01/2011 23:31

Hell no - I wouldn't go. No how, no way. If someone can drop you like that then they were never a friend and never ever should be.

Bumblequeen · 25/01/2011 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

tinkertitonk · 25/01/2011 23:39

Well is she any fun? Is her wine worth drinking? Are you and your new DP now in a position to condescend horribly to her?

Go if you answer yes to 2 or more of these.

Rubyonthetown · 25/01/2011 23:42

Why would you go? What enjoyment would there be for you?

She's just an acquaintance really, not a friend.

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 25/01/2011 23:46

Urgh haaaate social climbers. Weirdo

Original poster
chattychattycitygirl · 25/01/2011 23:55

I don't feel like being scrutinised and dancing to her tune. The shocked look on her face when she found out what my partner did was satisfying. She's made condescending assumptions about me and my financial position since I became single.

I've gone from being on benefits to building up a good business but from her patronising questions she's made it clear that she thinks I'm struggling with a hand to mouth existence and I can't be bothered to enlighten her.

She'll find out at some point in the future and feel stupid for the years of being patronising and I'll know immediately as she's not subtle.

I'd rather say, no thank you we can't make it, than satisfy her curiosity about DP's business.

OP posts:
MadAboutQuavers · 26/01/2011 00:05

Tell her your DP is too busy counting his money, so you'll have to decline

That should piss her off suitably