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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have sex when I'm in pain? (TMI for some)

27 replies

Chocolocolate · 25/01/2011 18:01

I have only had one sexual partner - my DH and DH has only ever had one sexual partner.

However, last night I broke out in sores around the opening to my vagina.

I can hardly move, I can't pee without being in the bath.

It's Herpes that I caught from DHs mouth Blush

The thing is we're desperately ttc ASAP (medical reasons make sooner better). My fertile period' started today.

The GP has given me some numbing gel but it still hurts.

I'm dreading it (so is DH as he doesn't like to hurt me), but think I will still ttc.

OP posts:
HettyAmaretti · 25/01/2011 18:03

Lol. No, YANBU, it's your body and as lond as DH is OK with it, then it's OK. IMHO. But, in your situation I'd TTC with a turkey baster if I was that desperate not to miss a month.

Original poster
Chocolocolate · 25/01/2011 18:05

Wouldn't a turkey baster make it more difficult? Surely some sperm would die along the way?

OP posts:
bubblewrapped · 25/01/2011 18:08

The gel would be likely to kill he sperm anyway. I would refrain from sex while you still have open sores.

sickoftheholidays · 25/01/2011 18:09

I so understand where you are coming from on this one, having ttc my first child for what seemed like half my adult life, but I'm sorry, no, you absolutely SHOULDNT have sex with him under these circumstances. If you do, he could well get herpes on his cock and trust me when I tell you he really wont thank you for that! like the others said, get a turkey baster

IngridFletcher · 25/01/2011 18:11

Wouldn't your DH then get genital herpes too?

CockneySparra · 25/01/2011 18:11

I think 'active' genital herpes in the first trimester can have implications, can't it? Or am I making that up? I'm sure I heard that, though...

I would wait get down to a GUM clinic pronto, and definitely wait until neither of you have any 'live' sores before having sex again.

HettyAmaretti · 25/01/2011 18:12

You'd assume he would wou;dn't you?

valiumredhead · 25/01/2011 18:12

If you don't want to miss your 'window' - use a turkey baister!!

reinitindear · 25/01/2011 18:12

Turkey baster.

MmeLindt · 25/01/2011 18:13

Don't do it.

As far as I recall, Herpes can be dangerous during pregnancy, not sure if that is last trimester though.

Get it sorted first.

Original poster
Chocolocolate · 25/01/2011 18:15

I went to my GP today.

Apparently if I have it then DH has it anyway. "Share and share alike" were my GPs words.

I asked if it was OK to ttc (I hadn't thought about the effect of the herpes on the potential foetus but was worried about the anti-viral drugs) and he said it was ok. He prescribed the gel so that we could have sex.

I do have (very very painful) open sores.

It's instillagel that he's given me - a local anaesthetic.

I feel awful at the minute.

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 25/01/2011 18:17

First and second trimester
If you develop genital herpes for the first time (primary infection) during the first or second trimester, which is up to week 26 of the pregnancy, you may be at risk of having a miscarriage (losing the pregnancy). There is also an increased risk of passing the virus on to your baby.
To prevent this, you may need to take antiviral medicine, such as aciclovir, while you are pregnant.

From NHS

Not sure though if there is a risk if you have herpes when you get pregnant.

bubblewrapped · 25/01/2011 18:17

As much as you are desperate to conceive, I really think it is a bad idea if you are in so much pain.

The main danger to pregnancy is at birth. If there are open sores at birth, a caesarian will be done.

EricNorthmansMistress · 25/01/2011 18:19

You can't transfer herpes to his cock if he already has it on his face. Ther are two types and you can only get one type in one place.

Do NOT have sex wit open herpes sores. Seriously, just don't. Leave the area well alone apart from slapping zovirax on.

Herpes is only dangerous if you have an outbreak during labour as the baby can catch it on the way out.You can get aciclovir prescribed for the final week to suppress it.

Original poster
Chocolocolate · 25/01/2011 18:20
Sad

I would not want to risk harm to my potential foetus.

OP posts:
EricNorthmansMistress · 25/01/2011 18:20

The first outbreak can bring fever which like any viral fever can induce miscarriage. If she conceived today she would be safe by the time the ovum implanted. That's not to say she should

Don't do it!!!

Deciduousblonde · 25/01/2011 18:21

I certainly wouldn't TTC if you are in so much pain or uncomfortable. Can't you wait for it to pass?

Conception is supposed to be at least slightly enjoyable. You will have bouts of active herpes so you will probably have to take time off sometimes anyway :)

Herpes shouldn't be a problem on the developing foetus, but if it is active when you go into labour then a C section will advised, I believe.

CockneySparra · 25/01/2011 18:26

Maybe you misunderstood? Or your doctor is talking shit!

Even if two people are infected with herpes, if one has open sores and the other isn't having an outbreak, they shouldn't sleep together or the non-outbreak person is likely to have an outbreak.

If you DH doesn't mind weeping blisters on his cock, go for it.

EricNorthmansMistress · 25/01/2011 18:36

Cockneysparra

if he has type one on his face and she has type on on her vagina then she can't give him type on of the cock. He already has it on his face. It's to do with nerve somethingorothers. I promise you, the GUM clinic told me.

FudgeGirl · 25/01/2011 18:54

I never knew you could get coldsores on your bits!

I have heard about it on your fingers (cousin had them when she was little once), but never even considered you could get it down there - thought that would only be "down there" herpes.

Feel for you and I really wouldn't be having sex, let alone ttc :(

Original poster
Chocolocolate · 25/01/2011 19:13

Yep, you can fudgegirl

It's some of the worst pain I've experienced.

I'm really fed up, but keep thinking that it'll be worth it if we manage to conceive - I'm sure I'll have to endure more pain for any future offspring.

I just have to build myself (and DH) up to it.

EricNorthmansMistress you seem fairly knowledgeable about it - other than the pain, why should we not have sex?

OP posts:
roses2 · 25/01/2011 19:19

Can't you get him to shake it off then stick it in at the end?

TastesLikePanda · 25/01/2011 19:25

I understand that you are desperate - i'm desperate to try too and was counting down the days until my fertile period. However DH is on some medication that makes it difficult to... how shall I say - become upstanding Blush
So we have to wait yet again...
Please don't force yourself through something uncomfortable for a small chance of a BFP... as my wise old mum says 'Pain is the body's way of saying something isn't right'
Can you not wait a couple of days? You are fertile for a few days, it's not just tonight and that's it.

HelenaRose · 25/01/2011 19:54

Oooh, ouch. I empathise - my first partner gave me herpes when I was seventeen, and it fookin' hurts. None of my subsequent partners have had any visible outbreaks, though, so it's not all doom and gloom.

HOWEVER. Any kind of friction (tight trousers, jeans, sex) can aggravate symptoms, cause a load of pain and make everything feel worse. I recommend a cold flannel, btw! Check out the official website - www.herpes.org.uk/ - for some excellent advice and reassurance.

SmethwickBelle · 25/01/2011 20:06

You wouldn't be the first and you won't be the last if you did but please only do it if you really feel your reasons for ttc override your comfort on this occasion.

I agree with others that if you do go for it make it clear to DH that under the circumstances this is NOT the time to prove how much stamina he has.

If you want to huddle with a hot waterbottle and a stiff drink instead that is OK too, you are a person first and foremost not an incubator... but I do understand what that TTC urge is like even without the medical issues you mention.