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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or am I being practical?

32 replies

MarioandLuigi · 25/01/2011 16:30

DH has just had a tantrum about the number of coats/shoes the children have. I know he is a bit stressed at the moment as his business it a bit shaky.

We have three DC's - each have a going out coat (which they use for school) and a playcoat. DS1 also has his school fleece.

They each have a pair of wellies, a play pair of shoes, a going out pair and DS1 has school shoes and trainers.

Now I dont think thats alot. I like them to have 'play' stuff as we do alot outside - walks and park trips etc and I dont want them messing up their good stuff.

AIBU?

OP posts:
bubblewrapped · 25/01/2011 16:32

that sounds quite minimal...

danebury · 25/01/2011 16:33

Not at all.

If that was my DH he'd be pissed off at something else and this would be his presenting problem.

Honeybee79 · 25/01/2011 16:33

YANBU. Sounds like you have stuck to the basics to me.

pickgo · 25/01/2011 16:33

IS your DH jealous? Does he want a new coat/shoes?

HettyAmaretti · 25/01/2011 16:37

Nah, you've definitely stuck to the basics.

My DC just have wellies, a pair of 'good' shoes each and one all round coat each ATM. It's nightmareish trying to keep things decent that way.

PlanetLizard · 25/01/2011 16:37

YANBU.

Sounds like he might like to discuss money in general with you though. If business is shaky he's taking his stress out on you and perhaps just chose the first money-related thing he could think of.

BackInTheRoom · 25/01/2011 16:47

is he 'on one' today?

HecateQueenOfWitches · 25/01/2011 16:51

That sounds quite normal.

What is he proposing that you do? Throw some away?

maryz · 25/01/2011 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AMumInScotland · 25/01/2011 16:56

If he's worried about money, then they could manage fine with fewer choices when the time comes to replace - which happens a lot with children and shoes. I don't think you're being extravagent to have that much, if you can afford it, but it sounds like he's worried you won't be able to keep affording it, tbh.

maryz · 25/01/2011 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 25/01/2011 17:01

It sounds like standard basics to me.

He's probably just worried about money and wondering where it's all going to come from if he can't sort the business out - it's so easy to 'go off on one' about things that aren't actually important when you are worried isn't it.

Wait till the kids are in bed, pour a couple of drinks and see if he will talk to you about how bad things are with the business.

PorkChopSter · 25/01/2011 17:07

Is it frustration at the amount of stuff? Suggest giving away one or more of the children, that'll tidy the place up.

Is it all new? If its money worries, show him how you are passing on & using hand me downs.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 25/01/2011 17:08

We are on a low income and that lot sounds pretty normal to me.

When I was very poor (relatively of course) the kids would have whatever I could get them in the sales (shoes) and jumble sales (coats/clothes).

But unless you are on the breadline I dont see what the problem is. Unless you buy really expensive shoes/coats that are impractical and have to be replaced all the time.

I agree with the others - this isnt about the shoes.

overmydeadbody · 25/01/2011 17:11

I guess it depends on how much the coats and shoes cost, but in terms of numbers, it sounds quite normal.

UptoapointLordCopper · 25/01/2011 17:13

DC only have one coat each. Aren't all coats going out coats?

And they each have one pair of wellies, one pair of trainers, one pair of school shoes, one pair of crocs.

We are a scruffy lot. Smile

Original poster
MarioandLuigi · 25/01/2011 17:20

Well I think he is just in a mood about things. When I pointed out he had over 10 pairs of shoes he went off in a huff.

DS2 has been a size 6 since last winter, so is actually wearing the same wellies he wore last year. DS1 has been a 13 for a while (have bought school shoes in that size twice now as the first pair fell apart). DD's feet grow quickly (unlike her brothers) but they are really wide so we struggle a bit with them.

I agree that it isnt about shoes - trouble is you ask him if he is okay and he says he is fine, and then he gets in a bigger grump because you have asked.

OP posts:
HettyAmaretti · 25/01/2011 17:22

'Aren't all coats going out coats?" No, my DC play in the outside loads and need a coat on at this time of year (surprisingly). They have one coat each and I've lost count of the times I've had to do an emergency was and dry of both coats before we can go out. Means more planning too, for example, I can't take them too the woods in the morning if we need into town in the afternoon, chances are the coats will get filthy.

It's a right PITA, but maybe less of a problem with older DC? Mine are 20 months and 3.2.

TBH lack of a change of coats means I let them play outside less than I'd like too.

monkeyflippers · 25/01/2011 17:22

It doesn't sound that much but where do you buy it from? I think it makes a difference if it's all rather expensive stuff.

foxter · 25/01/2011 17:24

Is he in a bigger grump because you asked? or because you accepted his answer of 'fine' even though he quite obviously isn't?

Have you tried pushing it a bit, you know, saying something like 'well, you quite obviously aren't fine, so let's stop playing games and just communicate'.

Anonymousbird · 25/01/2011 17:27

Sounds about right to me, both my DC have home and school coats (the style of school coat is compulsory), both have school fleeces and home fleeces. DS also has a sports coat for his sports club.

Their home coats are good for both dirty play and looking reasonably respectable, as long as I have time to wash and dry in between. Both wash fantastically, so I don't need to double up on home coats.

Original poster
MarioandLuigi · 25/01/2011 17:36

Yes - he is in a grump because I pushed it - I got told to leave him alone and stop bugging him.

The shoes are mainly from Next - DD's has kicker boots, but thats just because her feet are so wide.

OP posts:
PlanetLizard · 25/01/2011 18:06

"Are you OK" isn't a very specific question. Would he respond any better to "shall we have a look through what we're spending to see if we can make some savings?"

StuffingGoldBrass · 25/01/2011 18:24

Not extravagant at all re coats and shoes: that's about the amount my DS has (and it is true that kids really need 2 coats purely so they can still go out while one is drying after an much-needed wash).

mumbar · 25/01/2011 18:44

My DS has 3 coats Blush and we are low income. 1 is 'nice'. It's from next and given to us as new. The other is from ASDA £6! and for school. He also has a waterproof (sale £12!) which is worn most of spring through summer.

Shoes - wellies (hand me downs!), trainers, school shoes, shoes which DBro bought him, and some skateboard named ones that Dsis and her DP bought him.

I agree maybe it was the first thing he saw on entering the house so took his frustrations out on that. OP I agree with pp about maybe rephrasing the question. No advice on how though sorry.