to wonder if you can encourage the growth of bollocks and maybe even a backbone

[ledkr]

Dont flame me or ill go into labour
Boring ongoing saga which some are aware of about pil inviting themselves to stay for weeks when baby comes Thursday (cs)no spare room,not helpfull,dont contribute whatsoever etc-all been said before by many.DH is incapable of standing up to them and it has caused a few rows.Finally he told them what we thought was acceptable ie,come for the weekend after baby born but only them,i was with him and reinforced this Yesterday he announced that his sis may come too ffs i have no room but thought i cant be bothered to argue and maybe she will mean they leave earlier on the sunday.He then casually announced that sil boyf might come too.Well i hit the roof (at last) and said no way.He is young lad i have met him once,the last thing i want is him sat around when im feeling like that.Dh shouted "stop going on about it" so i said right i wont,they can all go to a hotel and thats that.
Im so annoyed that they have all cast a bloody shadow on what should be a nice time.
What is it these days that people think its acceptable to descend on people post birth.They have made no effort to help me and only ring to speak to dh and im now expecting to be sleeping all over my lounge when im at my most vulnerable.

mw is on my side and will speak up.I have a nice bedroom with en suite and tv so will be able to do that.
I am likely to lose the plot at sometime cos so much brewing resentment here.I will be mumsnetting like crazy from my room.

at the holiday/wedding/sunday revelations! These people have serious boundary issues, as well as gross sense of entitlement!

Strongly recommend you tell DH that post-op/baby you will most definitly NOT be on your best behaviour as you will be screaming banshee hormonal and any upset might result in Things Being Said. Sounds like he's a bit scared of that happening, so it might encourage his balls and spine to grow a touch![bgrin]

Wow, they really don't seem to understand acceptable behaviour. I think you need to tell your DH that this is simply not on. He can either tell them that politely, or you will tell them as frankly as you need to get through to them. But either way they are not coming to stay when you have just had the baby.

It sounds like he gives in to them to get an easy life. You have to make it clear to him that you will make his life anything but easy if he doesn't start standing up to this kind of nonsense on behalf of you and the baby.

If you (and he) let them away with this now, it will just carry on for ever. It's time to draw the line.

oohhh ledkr, you need to be chilling now. can only imagine how stressful this must be

they have ishoos alright and yanbu

i hated people in the house after all of mine, those first few days are a blur of staying in pjs and bonding with new baby and older dc

they have to be banned from the house

could mw help with some sort of swine flu advise of no visitors (grasping at straws lol)

if you have to stay in room, make sure you get a kettle up there and a goodie box :)

Definitely ban them for at least the first two weeks.

Wish I could have banned my mil but I lived with her. Got tutted at for not getting dressed despite being up with twins half the night and having had a caesar.

But if they can't be discouraged, and my god they sound determined, I'd go to your friend's. At least there you'll get a bit of help and peace.

Hi just back from last night out to the pics.Thanks so much for giving me perspective ladies it really helps as you end up doubting yourself,should i just let them come etc?
The boundaries and sense of entitlement are bang on,they are only in their 50s but married since yr dot,i think they are bored without their kids so just cant leave them to get on with their own lives.Lots of family dos too,about 10 a yr,so and sos birthday etc,and lots of pressure to attend.
Bil goes home every xmas and never once goes to his dps family,i find this odd in a 35 yr old man?
I was ill the other week and they came down,dh said he felt really sorry for me having them here when i felt shit so i am hoping that when he sees me have a section and provide him with a child his loyalties might shift.
In a sick kind of way i am looking forward to showing them just how bloody inappropriate they are being,it might be fun and as you said it can always be put down to hormones!!

Gee Whizz.
I had a planned CS with my first and we had enough room for guests, ie my parents who live abroad and were very excited about the new baby. BUT I told my parents in no uncertain terms that as much as I love them I certainly DID NOT want them living with me after I've just had a baby. By CS.

They made plans to stay elsewhere and me and DH had space we needed, and we all remained on speaking terms for the duration of their stay. It worked out for the best. I have no regrets.

Speak to them, say what you want and stick to it. You are the one having the surgery and it's your body and recovery that's important. Be selfish. I think I staying in PJ's for a week!!!

I second whoever advised you to stay in hospital as long as you can / want.
Had Cs for DD, and stayed in 5 days, and really enjoyed eating the crap food (loved that it came on time, 5.30pm, every night), and doing nothing else than sleeping / feeding / caring after DD. DH came during visiting hours, noone else. That gave me time to enjoy my lovely DD on my own, with a couple of short visits from 2 friends.
Both our sets of parents who live abroad descended on us the following week, and although I was kind of prepared for it / had the spaced, it knocked me out for six. My DH agreed that for DC2, there will be no visits from anyone for a month (one of his mate did originally suggest this before child, and he laughed it off). Maybe your DH could do a quick poll on Dadsnet?

well hes had the warning,im sure it will go tits up but thats not my problem ive warned him its too early and they should go to hotel etc.so its tough now,i am going to concentrate on me and the baby now,im stressed enough as it is.If next weekend approaches and i still feel crap i will tell him theycant come and thats that.

YASNBU how can they think that coming to stay is a good idea? How my ILs behaved immediately post birth both times has irreparably damaged the already crap relationship I had with them.

I too had a CS the first time and then a VBAC but with prem non feeding baby so I had to express every 2 hours day and night which was tough. Both times ILs came to stay day after I left hospital and expected to be waited on hand and foot as if nothing had happened . I will never forget MILs disapproving words "we had to get our own drinks" as I hobbled around 3 days post operative. The visiting midwife was shocked! MIL had a CS herself with DH but as was normal then she had 2 weeks bed rest in hospital. Even more annoyingly FILs minor ailments are treated with serious gravity but I am expected to spring up immediately after a C section and start serving them lasagne. DD now 4 and am still pissed off can you tell?

mimile good idea re dadsnet.im kind of loathe to bring it up again tho cos we only got tomorrow then im in hospital Thursday and we are a bit off with each other as it is.I just hope he can see how it is for himself as that would be best for everyone.
At the end of the day i am going to be in a better position from Thursday cos its his first so doesnt really know what im talking about,he nearly passed out when i got monitored so should be fairly and suitably shocked enough to respect my feelings.
News flash,he has just apologised and said he will back me up whatever i want,hes going to read this thread as soon as the arsenal game is over.Watch this space guys.

Hurrah! hope he can take it on the chin though - it might be a bit rough on him!

Ledkr

You lovely lady and one of my face mumsnetters

Yanbu

I hope it all works out and look forward to hearing all about the arrival of your little one

yeah look out for his post later,im silly really cos would have more luck if we were on good terms i musnt let it divide us and not nice for new baby to arrive to feuding parents is it.

Hi Mrs Klo

Cant believe its finally here,am so excited.
These fab mn's have helped me today and i now have a grip and refuse to let stupid pil ruin my special moments.

No it's never nice for parents to be at outs when a new baby makes its appearance - but your DH does need to understand where his priorities lie now - and that's with you and your child together. He's going to be a DAD! He has to take the horns of responsibility over that - and part of that is protecting you and your baby, keeping you safe and happy and allowing you all to bond together as a family unit without any outside influences causing stress on anyone.
Stressed mummy = more likely to have a stressed baby!

Message for Mr Ledkr

If you have read this far, you'll have got the gist.
Lots of us on here have had C Sections, and its actually quite a big deal, and its a big enough struggle dealing with a new baby after an op like that, never mind visitors who you are not completely comfortable with.
Please give Ledkr a big hug from us, because what she really needs at the moment is reassurance, and a chance to relax ( and we can't reach from here)..

Hear hear wizzler!

Well said Wizzler! Good luck managing your parents, Mr Ledkr and all the best to you both for Thursday.

that would be my worst nightmare. my whole family landed in for a visit the day after i left hospital. i had a cup of tea polite chat then said im away to bed i can't be fucked with this. luckily they understood and i trottled off to bed and baby was taken for a long walk, (with grown ups fighting over who pushed the pram, first baby in family for 19 years). We had a very strict no vistors without express permission and even then we only let the ones who i could ask to leave and they wouldn't be offended. c/s and no sleep = extremely unsociable mother.