... to start ranting when I see someone posts "title Ms = can't get or keep a man" on here?

[frgr]

Hmm.

Come on, tell me it's trivial and I should get over it.

I know, I know.

Don't understand what the fuss is about. Before I was married I was Miss, when I got married I became Mrs. The former meant I was single the latter meant I was married. Don't really see what the issue is.

Really onceamai?
The modern world and all political discourse has passed you by has it?

I have been married for 28 years (more than a life sentence...) but remain Ms Original Name. MIL sends Christmas cards to Mr and Mrs DH Surname; he got his PhD 25 years ago, but in her eyes isn't a 'proper doctor'. Ho Hum.

Customer: I need to write you a letter - are you Miss or Mrs?

Me: Well, I do have a title, but I prefer not to use it

Customer: Oh, Lady Buttoon, then? (Grovel, simper, etc)

Me: Snigger

LOL Caligula

I have used a schizophrenic mix of Ms, Dr and Mrs since being married (OK, mostly for my username!)

At work, anyone who doesn't call me FirstName would call me Dr MustardSeed. Outside work, I avoid the Dr - don't want to be pretentious - so my official name is Ms MustardSeed HubbysName without a hyphen as too unwieldy. We gave both names to DCs but not as one obligate name (MustardSeed as middle name)so they can make up their own minds. If it had easily hyphenated, we would have gone for that. Quite often, I get called Mrs Hubbysname, and I don't get my kniockers in a twist. Easy mistake to make and often there's no point in correcting the person.

However, I get that the OP is frustrated by women talking as if they are DEFINED by their attachment to a man, and worrying about what other people will think of them if they choose a name that doesn't define them unambiguously. I quite agree. YANBU.

mostly Mrs for my username...

why do you even care? if you a ms and that does not apply to you then let people think what they want.
im married but i use ms as ive kept my last name so neither miss nor mrs seems logical with that. if someone wishes to conclude "cant get or keep a man" then if that makes them happy then good luck to them, i really couldn't give a shit
just develop a thick skin op, these things are not worth worrying about

YANBU. Ms is much slicker. Some people are easily threatened by what they do not understand [bsmile]

StLeger, your MIL is sadly ignorant - medics are (unless they also have a research degree) only called 'Dr' as an honorary title. My GP uncle sent me a card saying it was nice to have a real Doctor in the family at last

A mate videoed our wedding in lieu of a proper wedding DVD as dh's gm couldn't be there and it features me trying to explain that I'm not Mrs dhssurname to a deaf relative

Me: Ms..

He:

me: .Ms...MS...Ms...MS

if it's difficult to say it's certainly difficult to hear

and why do you think the rest of the universe either needs to know or cares whether you are married or not, onceamai?

I use them all, complete with 3 different surnames, mainly just to confuse people.

I don't really mind if people think I can't get or keep a man, or that I might be a lesbian. That's one of the nice things about Ms. Traditional people can worry about where to pigeonhole you.

am Dr Fennel more often than Ms anyway. Either is fine. But noone EVER calls me DP's surname without getting a flea in their ear.

I'm Dr myname at work, Ms myname at home. I wrote a note on our wedding info saying I'd be keeping my name because I knew people would kick up a fuss and I wanted to be clear about it. We still received Christmas cards from friends/family to Mr & Mrs hisfirstname hissurname. Probably serve me right for trying to make a point, doesn't it?!
I like Ms. My marital status has feck all to do with anything that someone who needed to use my title would be concerned with

Hey Caligula! Long time no MN!

Buzz - why should it bother me?

If you don't mind having to advertise your marital status when men don't (hint, this is called sexism), it wouldn't. But you can't be surprised when other people don't agree with you.

I don't mind others not agreeing with me but I just don't see it as an issue. I wanted to get married to my husband, I was pleased and proud to do so and happy to take his name. No-one made me, I was happy nay delighted to do it. My DH does advertise his marital status - he wears a wedding ring, just like me. I don't see how it's sexist or how it stops us from being equals.

Oh goodness - I recall obeying too but rationalised it as metaphorical in that I could say it because I was sure within my sould that the DH (or at that point DH to be) would never ask anything unreasonable of me - had I thought that, I wouldn't have married him.

But now to shock - I had a pre-nup too - I was worth more than him then

The only time it has ever been an issue for me calling myself Ms is in a court case recently where I was a witness. There was a dragon of a lawyer on the defence side and her first question to me was "is it Miss or Mrs Midnight?" Not wanting to wind her up or appear awkward to the bench, I mumbled Miss (despite the 3 kids and dp of 24 years.)

I was furious about it when I realised that she was just playing a power game, and not really wanting to know how to address me. She never even addressed me by name after that.

As you do, I spent the rest of the day wishing I had had the courage to ask her why she wanted to know/ asked her title/ advised her that I was a Ms. I'll know next time...

Sexism by professional women to other women - nice!

I'll remember that Grimma

Am normally Ms Peasant in official correspondence, Revolting both at work and social life....

... and Dr Peasant on rejection letters from publishers

How does this whole Ms vs Mrs thing work with wedding rings?

I mean, lots of 'none of their business if I'm married or not' comments on here. Does that mean people arent wearing their wedding rings?

Just curious.

Ignore ignore ignore.

I'm a Ms - have been since I was 11 years old (objected to Miss and wasnt allowed Mistress or Madam). And it has no bearing on my lovelife, marital status or political leanings.

ccpccp, my DH wears one too.

I wanted to get married to my husband, I was pleased and proud to do so and happy to take his name

Just for the record, I also wanted to get married to my husband, I was also pleased, and I was also proud to do so.

I'm not saying you are specifically implying otherwise, but I do find this association between the flexiblity of a woman changing her name and her level of commitment baffling - I've seen the same thing said IRL. "Well I loved my husband enough to change/not care" - therefore implying that the man didn't, or that those of us who didn't are not 100% invested in the relationship.

Besides, Ms is awfully convenient.

At work, it always amuses me when I automatically refer to women as Ms and men as Mr, yet some women correct me "Oh, no it's Mrs/Miss". As if I really want to know that the project manager in a meeting is married - it's utterly irrelevant, and I wouldn't want to know the same thing of a male colleague either. I always address people as they want to be called, naturally, but it does strike me as odd.

Perhaps it's pride? A woman's success is so entrenched in their ability to bag and keep a man (as per OP) that even if they have a Phd they still feel the need to advertise that they, you know, have a man?

I only wear a wedding ring sometimes, not at the moment. My mother wore a wedding ring for years after she was divorced, and my married MIL hasn't worn one for 20 years.

Wedding rings don't mean much.

I am a 'Ms' and have been married for 12 years. I kept my surname too.

I do remember a conversation with dh about name changing - I told him he was more than welcome to use my surname if he wanted to. end of conversation