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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Innapropriate touching or AIBU?

33 replies

stargazeypies · 23/01/2011 20:07

DS (who is 2.5 years old) and I were playing today and he asked me to touch his face then asked me to touch his willy. I said no one should touch your willy and asked him who had, he said daddy. Dh was sitting there and I asked if he'd ever touched it, he said yes obviously if DS has no clothes on he's not going to pull his hand away if it touches him and that I shouldn't say no one is allowed to touch your willy as it will give him a complex...

DH comes from a family who is very open about sex and nudity but my family was very uptight and sex was never talked about,

I don't know what to make of what happened today, AIBU?

OP posts:

TrillianAstra · 23/01/2011 20:09

There's a difference between touching a willy and touching it as you, for example, change a nappy or pick up a little boy.

"what happened today" is nothing, IMO.

gordyslovesheep · 23/01/2011 20:10

jmc112 · 23/01/2011 20:11

Exactly what trillian said

brightlightsandpromises · 23/01/2011 20:11

well i suggest you call the social workers, the police and whoever else and get your DH taken away - clearly he shoudlnt be allowed out in society, let alone near children!!!

Pan · 23/01/2011 20:12

nothing, as per Trills.

bubblewrapped · 23/01/2011 20:12

I feel sorry for your husband tbh.

joydivisionovengloves · 23/01/2011 20:12

Jesus, your poor DH!

coldtits · 23/01/2011 20:12

Nothing happened today.

pjmama · 23/01/2011 20:13

I'm a bit confused as to what you're worried about? My DS is 4 and I still have to sometimes make sure it's pointing the right way so he doesn't wee on the floor whilst going to the loo, would you count that as "innappropriate"? From what you've described, I wouldn't be worried in the slightest and I think you're overreacting.

RamonaFlowers · 23/01/2011 20:15

Oh goodness, please stop. You are more likely to cause damage by asking such questions to a 2.5 year old. Why do you want to make him away of "no one allowed to touch your willy" at that age? He's hardly in a position to defend himself in any case is he?

What kind of world are we living in. Sheesh and Sheesh again. Please chill out - you are going to give your child a complex. Sounds like your DH has a MUCH healthier attitude - take a leaf. No, hang on, take 10.

ilove · 23/01/2011 20:15

First post.....don't get sucked in!

TattyDevine · 23/01/2011 20:15

Me too pjmama, I've been known to stuff DS's willy down in between his legs with milliseconds to spare back when he was in the wee sitting down stage.

Arrest me

Woe for my floor.

chillichill · 23/01/2011 20:15

do you suspect something inappropriate may be going on? if so, YANBU. but if your just upright about ds being naked and possibly brushing against dh, YABU.
I always told the boys I nannied for that there was nothing wrong with touching yourself but that no one else really should unless its someone who looks after them and is helping with a bath or a wee. but this was when the brothers were yanking eachothers Willies.

nicolamumof3 · 23/01/2011 20:16

definitely overreacting. I wouldn't want any of my boys to feel shy or have a complex over there bodies or any hang ups tbh and at 2.5yr old cannot see this should be an issue between your dh and ds at all.

I guess it must be very much to do with your own upbringing and attitudes though as some are more open than others.

to me this is certainly not inappropriate and ime 2.5yr olds would consider their 'willy' as any other part of their body. As it should be at that age.

StuffingGoldBrass · 23/01/2011 20:17

Small DC don't understand the panic and irrationality adults attach to genitals. Yours is a bit young for you to be badgering him about keeping parts of his body private and secret - my DS, when younger, would often follow up requests for 'Tickle nose, tickle feet, tickle tummy' with 'Tickle willy.' Though both his dad and I tended to say, 'No, tickle your own willy' we didn't get stressed about it.

pozzled · 23/01/2011 20:17

Yes, YABU. Are you seriously saying that you never touch his penis? At 2.5 he can manage toileting, bathing, drying after a bath etc all on his own? If you're tickling him or cuddling him and your hand is near that area would you recoil in horror?

MrsRigby · 23/01/2011 20:18

I touch my sons penis and he touches my breasts, but then we do bath together

I think you may be being unreasonable.

outnumbered2to1 · 23/01/2011 20:19

"what happened today" was the product of your uptight about sex and nudity upbringing....

you'd have a heart attack in my house. Me DS1 and DS2 all have baths and showers together... Call the SS quick.....

Witchofthenorth · 23/01/2011 20:27

YABU........he is too little for any convo like that sheesh, what are you going to do the first time he realises that when he plays with his willy it feels good, then manages to pull back his foreskin as my ds did @ 3yrs...........I had to touch his willy then to sort it out ( I think he scared himself as he has never tried it again lol and he is 8 now )

Oh lordy arrest me now!

outnumbered2to1 · 23/01/2011 21:04

witchofthenorth i have to ask did he come running to you shouting that he had broke his tinky? i only ask cos that's what my DS1 did the first time he "played" with it and "look mummy it went all hard"

psml

oldraver · 23/01/2011 21:20

DS asked me to kiss his willy when he was about 3... I declined

Foreverondiet · 23/01/2011 21:27

DS1 is 4, and until very recently I had to remind it him to point willy into toilet when he was doing a poo (just in case!), and wouldn't have thought twice about doing it myself if I thought he wouldn't do it quick enough.

Also sometimes there is a need to apply cream, (DS1 at that age kept on wetting himself, sitting in wet pants and getting nappy rash on his willy) and as your DH pointed out sometimes his willy touches you when you lift into the bath.

At 6 or 7 (ie they don't get picked up anymore, they can apply cream themselves etc) maybe you are being reasonable but at 2.5???? Please apologise to your DH.

I think you are overreacting.

Witchofthenorth · 23/01/2011 21:32

Lol outnumbered it was not too far from that, he was in bed and screamed so loudly down the stairs MUMMY MUMMY THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH TOOLDLE IT'S GONE ALL RED AND HARD!!!! All the while I am thinking jeezo it's a wee bit early for this convo isn't it, bless him, if he does have a wee play now he doesn't shout for his mum psml! I am keeping a book of all the lovel things m dc have done just for the comedic value it will have when the are older mwahhahahahahah :)

BurnAfterReading · 23/01/2011 21:34

OP - Are you asking us if we think it's inappropriate touching or did you immediately think it was inappropriate?

I think, and please forgive me everyone if I do not explain myself correctly but, there is a difference between neccessary touching i.e pointing towards the loo, bathing, drying etc and what I would describe as inappropriate i.e someone just having a fiddle with it for no reason. I'm sure it's harmless but if it's playing on your mind then you need to ascertain the circumstances - and I don't know how you would do this without accusing DH of something terrible when it was probably something completely natural.

I would be inclined (for my own peace of mind) to want to know in what circumstances someone was touching my ds's willy, I do however think that your attitude towards sex and nudity needs to be reigned in slightly because you don't want ds to have a complex.

taintedpaint · 23/01/2011 21:38

I think this is only something to be concerned about if you have other concerns completely separate from this one.

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