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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be too scared to go back to work??

44 replies

Charleney · 23/01/2011 19:28

I am currently on maternity leave at the minute as i lost my baby at Christmas.
Obviously i want to TTC again soon but i am too scared to go back to work incase they take it quite badly.
They werent happy when i told them i was pregnant before and have just made it really difficult for me to be paid SMP.
They told me i wasnt entitled to it but spoke to SMP department and they said i was so they have to pay me now..
..I dont know what to do
Anyone else been in a similar situation??

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 23/01/2011 19:29

No.

But just go with it. Do what is legal but dont feel bad.

Sorry for your loss.

Your work suck, by the way, so YANBU

Violethill · 23/01/2011 19:31

That is absolutely outrageous.
Once you are past a certain stage in pregnancy, you are entitled to ML and SMP - whatever the outcome of the birth

Can you speak to your line manager or HR before you return, as you need support on this

Original poster
Charleney · 23/01/2011 19:33

Thanks for your replies.

Well i was exactly 24 weeks when i delivered, 3 hours and 38 minutes into it to be precise, but they were telling me it was after 25? Anyway thats all sorted now.

Thing is its coming from my manager and his. Its a very small company and the HR department (well, 1 woman) havent been very good to me either so far.

I am a worrier anyway so this isnt helping lol.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 23/01/2011 19:34

That is awful

You shouldn't be being made to feel like this

if you fulfilled the criteria for SMP and ML of course you should fucking get it, and no way should you feel bad about it

you should also be ttc whenever you feel ready and fuck what they think

sorry for the swearing, but I feel so angry for you

AnyFucker · 23/01/2011 19:35

I believe the cut off for ML is 24 weeks, not 25 weeks

Original poster
Charleney · 23/01/2011 19:37

LOL thanks AnyFucker.. the swearing makes me feel better! :)

I just really dont want to go back.. but then i have to wait ages to TTC again if i start somewhere new.

HUFFF..

OP posts:
Original poster
Charleney · 23/01/2011 19:37

Yeah its definately 24 weeks.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 23/01/2011 19:44

when are you due back at work ?

I am not surprised you feel really bad about it, they have been abominable

PrincessScrumpy · 23/01/2011 19:46

It may just be complete ignorance on their side - my manager hadn't a clue and the md told me I was so lucky the company had such amazing mat pay - I became very blunt and outspoken when pg (no-one walked over me - was quite hilarious and I got away with it due to "hormones"!) I turned to her and said: "The mat pay here is rubbish, you just pay the minimum required so you're not breaking the law - all my pg friends get a much better deal!" I said it with a smile. She was in her 50s and so compared to her day it was good.

Put on a smile and go with it and hope you get pg ASAP. Good luck and I'm so sorry for you loss. xx

Original poster
Charleney · 23/01/2011 19:47

Ive got until 29th of september off, i wasnt planning on going back that late but now i'm thinking.. eff it, i'm gonna take the whole of my maternity :) i'm feeling rather bitter tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Charleney · 23/01/2011 19:48

Princess - Thats funny, i wish i was that ballsy! lol.

And thankyou very much :) xx

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 23/01/2011 19:49

stay off as long as you like, with our blessing Grin

I really, really hope you are pregnant again by the time you walk through the door (if that is what you wish for yourself) x

TattyDevine · 23/01/2011 19:52

If you are pregnant enough you wont have to walk back through the door! Loads of time to be 30 weeks by September!!!

(Sorry, no pressure, which is not what you need right now!)

Grin
Original poster
Charleney · 23/01/2011 19:52

Haha thankyou i will :D (more time for posting on MN Wink)

Oh god, i just played the scene in my head.. they'd be so mad! I know it.. lol. "I'm only back for 6 months btw!" LOL

OP posts:
Original poster
Charleney · 23/01/2011 19:53

Tatty.. you've got my little mind whirring away now..
..Would i be entitled to another lot of maternity if i didnt go back?? lol

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 23/01/2011 19:54

I worked out that if I was pregnant again by Christmas (having delivered at full term in early September) I could not return to work but claim a whole new set of maternity leave (my company had a great package that was 5 months on full pay, 4 months of statutory and 3 months of unpaid leave to bring you up to 12 months) and they didn't make you pay it back if you didn't return.

Instead, I banked a bonus and resigned the next day Grin

Sod em.

Original poster
Charleney · 23/01/2011 19:56

That is amazing.. that story has made my week! lol

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 24/01/2011 12:05

Yes, as long as you are pregnant enough to go on maternity leave once your maternity leave expires, you can not return, as far as i am aware. You have to follow various rules about informing them of your pregnancy by a certain time etc and you'd have to present them with another MATB1 certificate or whatever its called.

It is possible!

TattyDevine · 24/01/2011 12:07

I think you can go on maternity leave at 29 weeks (things might have changed since I did it)

I was considering doing the double mat leave thing but I just didn't want two children with such a close age gap (as I was lucky enough to deliver a full term surviving baby etc)

Go for it! And update us if you do manage to get your timings in your favour!

But if you dont - dont worry about going back, really. Its probably more of a mental block, once you are actually back nobody will make you feel like hell I'm sure, pregnant or not, people will be sympathetic and within a week it'll probably feel like you were never away, etc.

You'll be fine (sorry that sounds trite)

chelstonmum · 24/01/2011 12:33

I had a friend who had back to back pregnancies........she returned to work @ 26weeks, collected a months pay then returned home to full maternity package.

Sometimes I truly dislike being self employed! Confused

spilttheteaagain · 24/01/2011 12:43

Stay off as long as you feel like and don't give them a second thought, they have behaved appallingly. You have up to 12 months, and one years worth of accrued annual leave if you stay off for the whole year.

I can think of nothing better than to get most of a pregnancy under my belt whilst not having to be at work (sick, tired, miserable when pregnant).

I'm so sorry about your baby, it's a horrendous thing to go through. My daughter died and was born at 20 weeks so I know something of what you will have gone through.

nufsed · 24/01/2011 14:07

As yours is a small company they will get back every penny of SMP they pay you, plus a small percentage (4.5 I think) in compensation. So you are actually making them money by by being on maternity leave.

Take all the time you need with a clear conscience and good luck for your future.

NinkyNonker · 24/01/2011 14:11

Fuckers. And I don't normally swear.

Original poster
Charleney · 24/01/2011 15:50

Thankyou everyone for replying.

I am very tempted to be pregnant again so i dont have to go back.. that sounds terrible saying outloud! lol. I need to wait for the postmortem results first before i do anything anyway. Probs only another 2 weeks though.

Its just when i told them i was pregnant i'd only actually been there a month, so that didnt go down too well. My manager shouted "shit" very loud which reduced me to tears at the time. I think its because theres no one really to cover my job so my manager is doing it and he is rather work shy at the best of times.

OP posts:
stropicana2011 · 24/01/2011 16:16

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Your work are bastards, if getting pregnant is good for you, do it and get every penny bit of tome off you are entitled to.

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