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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect posters to come back and update us?

51 replies

MommyMayhem · 23/01/2011 09:59

There have been a few threads on here recently (mainly in Relationships) where people have posted about something and been given lots of support and constructive advice from fellow posters. Then they disappear...

Is it just me, or is it quite rude not to come back just to say "thanks", or to update everybody on how things are going? Obviously you are not obliged to tell everyone everything about your problem, but a quick update... well... that's just good manners, isn't it?

Or AIBU?

OP posts:
rockinhippy · 23/01/2011 14:16

YNBU, its bugged me a bit a quite few times recently too, OP asks a question, gets lots of useful, helpful & often long indepth replies & then never comes back at allHmm....I can appreciate not coming back immediately, or occasional posters being new & losing password etc etc, but seen it happen a lot, on threads such as arts & crafts, food, good housekeeping etc, where theres really no excuse for bad manners

got to admit I find myself making a mental note not to waste my time replying to any of the OPs new posts againBlush

sieglinde · 23/01/2011 14:22

Yeah, but not all posted dilemmas are - erm - well supported. I don't blame the woman who wanted an indy school bursary though her income was 70K a year for NEVER showing her face on mumsnet again. And I've had a friendly messaging exchange with a woman who while broadly supported was terribly upset by critical comments about her parenitng choices and vowed to 'give up Mumsnet'. I suspect others also go away nursing some wounds. We aren't all or always nice.

Laquitar · 23/01/2011 14:38

I too think that they make up with dh/dp.

What annoys me is when it iis just a simple question i.e. how much butter in the cake or how long from london to bristol, and the OP gets her replies and never comes back. I think in this case the above explanations don't apply and it is just very rude to not say 'thank you'.

Laquitar · 23/01/2011 14:40

Ah sorry Blush
Rocking has said this.

LadyOfTheManor · 23/01/2011 15:03

Ah yes.

I wonder how "Chopsy" is.

Where the hell is SlightlyJaded...? Enquiring minds want to know!

CrosswordAddict · 23/01/2011 15:51

Mommymayhem What exactly is PMing? I keep hearing about it. It sounds vaguely like a post mortem!(smile)
And how do I go about it? (blush)

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/01/2011 15:58

Advice should be unconditional; whether the person takes it or not is up to them. The thing is, it seems really quite impossible not to judge posters here for the decisions that they have taken or will take and perhaps the OPs don't want to come back and update for fear of getting another telling off.

There are some really good advice-givers here, I'm in awe at their commonsense, knowledge and kindness. Unfortunately, there are just as many with some kind of mob mentality that they think gives them the right to 'say it how it is'.

TattyDevine · 23/01/2011 16:03

PM is personal message.

I often wonder about BunnySoprano. I reckon she got back with him/stayed with him and that's why she can't update and that's okay but I hope she's not taking any crap from him.

2rebecca · 23/01/2011 17:01

When some posters don't come back and it's been a dramatic thread I can wonder if the thread is real or if some people enjoy getting strangers drawn into a thread and then leaving them dangling with lots of "please let us know you are OK" posts.
I think some people get too drawn into other people's problems and there are some people who just enjoy practising their creative writing skills.

happyhoggy · 23/01/2011 17:16

i got drawn into a story and couldnt sleep last night thinking about it!

I even panicked when i couldnt find her thread this morning and even posted my very first thread looking for her!

i need a holiday

fedupofnamechanging · 23/01/2011 17:31

I think about BunnySoprano too. If she is reading, then I hope she is okay

MsKLo · 23/01/2011 18:34

I don't expect updates I am just curious to the outcomes of some stories and want to know if everything is ok

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 23/01/2011 19:11

I have left a couple of threads hanging in relationships. I did come back and update (a bit) but then nothing, the reason being that DP and I have been breaking up (nothing as exciting/dramatic as any of the threads mentioned here btw) and TBH I can't even bear to look at those threads at the moment. And then by the time I do feel up to it, I don't expect anyone to be interested, or care. Maybe I'm wrong though and should update.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 23/01/2011 19:11

I did thank people for posting though.

fedupofnamechanging · 23/01/2011 19:20

I haven't read your threads Elephants, but don't think that people don't care. Sorry things have not worked out for you with your DP

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 23/01/2011 19:24

Thanks karma - I namechanged for both of them IIRC. I suppose I just think if I haven't got anything nice to tell the posters on those threads, I should just leave them alone and not bother to bump with such gloomy news.

Boobalina · 23/01/2011 19:33

I posted a few threads about DH being unreasonable, treated unfairly blah blah blah... we separated last year - huzzah!

thumbdabwitch · 24/01/2011 01:04

reelingintheyears - if you are talking about CVQ (her last incarnation) from about 2 1/2 years ago, she turned out to be a troll. Clearly a disturbed individual but a troll nonetheless - one MNer met her in RL and too many details didn't add up, including her age, plus they never saw the child. So... chances are it was all a fabrication.

If you're talking about a more recent case, then apologies.

samels001 · 24/01/2011 01:17

YANBU, certainly for general advice threads eg on schools or work. A simple thank you would be appreciated. It does take time to read and to post advice or experience. But it is not just this forum - the one down the road is just as bad.

fuzzypicklehead · 24/01/2011 07:53

I was desperate to know whether chloeloveshim was the crazy stepmother (trying to get custody of her short-term partner's daughter) of another mum who posted about her exp's crazy new partner.

but I think the thread was disappeared before we could find out.

reelingintheyears · 24/01/2011 10:42

thumbdabwich......that just made me Shock
In some ways i hope she was a troll now as i'd hate to think of some poor girl going through all that.

reelingintheyears · 24/01/2011 10:46

Her name was babynoah and i haven't seen her on here since..
hope she's ok.

mrskbpw · 24/01/2011 12:57

I want to know about the lady who kept seeing a little girl (ghost?) on her landing. Has she seen her again? I can't even find the original thread.

PomBearEnvy · 24/01/2011 17:39

Yes mrskbpw!! Ive been thinking about her too (too much time spent on mn me thinks Hmm)

She originally heard someone shout mummy when she was putting the bins out, thinking it was her own DC she went to investigate but they were all tucked up asleep.

Then another time she heard the same thing and said she saw a little girl sat on the bottom step?

thumbdabwitch · 24/01/2011 21:20

reelingintheyears - different poster then, I don't think CVQ was ever called BabyNoah (her baby was called J). It does happen though so perhaps she was a genuine case. :(

One thing about saying thank you - if someone messages you off-board and you take time and effort to reply, it would be really nice to get a 'thank you' for it! Not getting one seriously reduces their chances of getting another reply.

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