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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Lots of mums run around after their family like headless chickens

90 replies

matchbox20 · 22/01/2011 21:26

Why do I constantly read about mums on here running around after their kids and husbands like headless chickens and then moaning about it?

I am new here and I am amazed on how 1950's a lot of you sound.

The woe is me brigade.

OP posts:

yama · 23/01/2011 09:52

Well put Wimple.

LadyOfTheManor · 23/01/2011 10:09

I see, so choosing to stay home/go to work (as a mother) or say to cook or not to cook, implies that we are somewhat "1950s Stepford wives"?

I believe the move of feminism was one of the freedom and ability to "choose".

Good for you for working and never having anything to moan about.

I stay at home, bake cakes, clean, make sure my ds and dh are well fed and looked after. I manage to do this without a hooped, halter neck dress and pressed hair, while the gramophone drones on in the background.

I mainly moan about people's inability to construct a correct sentence/pronounce words properly, while talking.

Be careful coming back to this thread, I wouldn't like for your head to get trapped in the door.

CheerfulYank · 23/01/2011 10:14

I'm with LadyoftheManor on this one.

LadyOfTheManor · 23/01/2011 10:15

Never thought I'd see someone write that. Ha.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 23/01/2011 10:20

Whether or not the OP is a troll - the point is valid.

I've seen literally hundred if not thousands of 'my husband won't do anything round the house' and 'my kids won't lift a finger' threads.

The OP, regardless of what people may think his/her motives are, is spot on.

Rather than attack him/her for saying something we perhaps don't want to hear maybe we should think about why we are the default setting for all things home and child related and whether or not that is actually right and fair and if we shouldn't be doing something about it.

JoeyCroc · 23/01/2011 10:33

I think the OP has got a point. I'm not sure why people think she is a troll, A lot of women (and some men) run around and do everything in the family for whatever reason, feel put upon and moan but don't do anything about it.

I think things are fairly equal in my house most of the time but my sister is another matter. She does everything and is knackered. She moans to us all but she won't say anything to her DP. (who is very nice, just needs a kick up the bum) We have said our piece to her in the past but now we just say to her that if you won't say anything to him what do you want us to say/do?? I don't want to be unsympathetic to her but if he doesn't see a problem and she won't tell him then nothing will change. Sorry to digress!

HecateQueenOfWitches · 23/01/2011 10:36

and then there are people like my mother, who moans and moans that everything falls to her and my dad never does anything.

Yet when he offers to do something, she says no, she prefers to do it herself.

When he does something, she does it again and huffs about because he hasn't done it right.

When me or my sister suggest actually talking to my dad, she says that she shouldn't have to, that if he loved her he would know and wouldn't need to be asked to do something.

When we suggest just letting him do stuff instead of saying no when he does offer, or doing it again if he does it, she says no because he doesn't do it right and it is more stressful and she may as well just do it herself.

There are more people like my mother than we care to believe...

noodle69 · 23/01/2011 10:39

'There are more people like my mother than we care to believe...'

I agree hecate. Most men are more than willing to help but a lot of women do the martyr thing and wont let them.

LadyOfTheManor · 23/01/2011 10:45

I am one of them....I don't moan about doing it myself, but if my dh tries to help he does it wrong (ie: not ironing creases on the arms of t-shirts!).

Original poster

matchbox20 · 23/01/2011 11:38

mmmmmmmm so there are people that think like me...Thank you all for posting.

I was shocked at the original response but assumed the women I was talking about were the one that made the responses.

Hit a nerve I feel.

OP posts:

Xenia · 23/01/2011 11:54

Examples would help. I find it difficult to understand how women for one second accept a sexist man. Is it because he's a meal ticket? Were they desperate in their late 30s when he married or shacked up with tme to have anyone so feel so lucky anyone would have them at all? Do they really at heart feel men don't have the arm strength to wield the hoover?

brightlightsandpromises · 23/01/2011 11:57

matchbox, you do have a point to be fair, but i dont think you posted to illicit a deep discussion, and i still think you are a man

Mummy martyrs they are called and to be fair, i dont think mumsnetters on the whole are like that. We just like a good ol whinge

Original poster

matchbox20 · 23/01/2011 12:01

I am not a man, but I cannot prove that I suppose.

OP posts:

Xenia · 23/01/2011 12:12

I doubt she is a man. It's very sexist to assume all women moan and don't get on with things. Plenty of us work full time, ensure things are done equitably at home and are happy. Happiness is not the preserve of men.

sobloodystupid · 23/01/2011 14:00

I'm a moaning Michael, but share your frustration Matchbox. My CM is wonderful, but she runs around her own (grown up) kids as well as mine. I was stunned as she sets the alarm for her 21 year old son, makes his sandwiches, washes his clothes, taxes his car etc. She thinks as i've trained my little ones to put dirty clothes in the laundry, stuff in the bin that I'm condemning them to a life of housework

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