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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my daughter is being pushed out

63 replies

Gemsy83 · 22/01/2011 10:58

My DD plays with a few girls in her class, one she loves in particular and this girl adores her (always runs up to her and cuddles her at school when she arrives, parties etc). The trouble is this girls mum is friendly with two ladies whos DD's are also in the class, so they all go home/socialise together, the girls have sleepovers and my DD is never involved. AIBU to feel my daughter is being excluded on the grounds of the parents being friendly?

OP posts:
magimix · 22/01/2011 12:48

my DD has experienced a lot of fickle behaviour by girls at her schools over the last 6 years, ups and downs, but my advice would be unless your child is being bullied then best to let her get on with it, she will make other friends, its just painful to watch when you see that your child really wants to be friends with certain people. Parents also play a big part in who their children mix with, and again from experience if you are not part of their circle, or your face does'nt fit this can and does have an affect on your childs friendships. I think that just because we have children in common often it is very difficult to gel with parents that we don't know.

prettymuchapixiegirl · 22/01/2011 12:49

RosieParker, that's a very good point; my eldest DD started secondary school in September and had made new friends within days. Also once they are at secondary school, there is zero control over who they hang around with as they make their own way to and from school. DD1 will often go round a friend's house on her way home. If I told her who she had to hang around with after school she wouldn't be impressed

activate · 22/01/2011 12:49

I would be worried about an 8 year old being that self aware tbh

mutznutz · 22/01/2011 12:50

what do you mean activate?

activate · 22/01/2011 12:52

I mean IME (of boys admittedly) that level of self-awareness of being mortified in that way comes later on - around puberty tbh

most kids are a bit more in the now than that

of course my only girl is 6 so not there yet with her but I see no diff in self-awareness yet

mutznutz · 22/01/2011 12:56

Ahh I see what you're saying activate but I wasn't thinking along the lines of self awareness as such...more along the lines of the OP perhaps rubbing a Mum up the wrong way by asking for/heavily hinting for a return invite.

Parents do gossip and I can imagine a scenario where the Mum might say to another Mum "blimey, cheek of her..she only tried to force me to invite her child to my house - how rude"

Then the other parents/children thinking she's one to avoid Sad

Also, if she's 8yrs old then she'll be in Junior school...year 3 or possibly 4 and that does tend to be very different to Infants in the way kids react.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 22/01/2011 12:58

Well posie she's not being excluded...why would three MOthers who are mates ask a spare child along when they are no mates with that child's Mum? The OP has said she dosn't want to b part of the group...they are socialising together and that doesn't mean they have to invite every kid their DC calls a friend!

If she were being excluded, then she would have nobody to play with at school and nobody to play with at home!

For the record I hardly ever have time to ask other kids to play here...I'm too busy.
The kids will sort themselves out.

activate · 22/01/2011 13:02

oh well in that sense I hink if my child has been to your house a number of times and I have not returned the invitation I am a selfish twat

I wouldn't care if someone asked me to invite their child because they were upset about not coming

in fact them were the days - now we have lumbering smelly people coming in the house and heading upstairs with a grunt in my general direction, i wish they'd only come when I invited them Wink

mutznutz · 22/01/2011 13:04

Lmao time goes so fast when they're little...when they're teenagers it cant go fast enough for me! Grin

WimpleOfTheBallet · 22/01/2011 13:05

I kind of stopped as so many of DDs mates Mums and Dads are alays in work that DD hardly ever got asked back...sometimes she would get taken on an expensive Saturday outing which is lovely and I know the parents were making up for their lack of time for pladates...but all she and her friend really wanted was to play in each others homes...

Tbh I find it easier for DD to play with her cousins at weekends...

lljkk · 22/01/2011 13:27

It sucks OP, I've BTDT. I'm afraid all you can do is vent on here. It gets easier after they get older and entirely arrange their own social lives.

pigletmania · 22/01/2011 15:00

TBH leave it! At 8 she is old enough to sort out her own friendships, and if this friend is just an at school friend than so be it. She will make other friends in life its not the be all and end all, and thats what you have to instill in her instead of becoming anxious and mabey relaying your feelings onto her.

MaureenMLove · 22/01/2011 15:10

If it's any consolation, it is reasonably unlikely that the girls will stay good friends forever, just because their parents are friends.

I've seen that happen a few times, with friends of DD's over the years.

Also, the friends she has now are not going to be the same ones she ends up bessie mates with at secondary school, so just keep doing what you're doing. Invite the friend for tea, if DD asks and just let them get on with it.

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