To want to scream at DH for his attitude?

[WimpleOfTheBallet]

It's a bloody mare'. He works long hours having just gone back to work after getting laid off in the winter....during his time of unemployment I went hell for leather on my own business and now have a tonne of clients and projects to fulfill.

We have 2 DDs one is only 2 and to send her to nursery would be too much as we fell behind with lots of payments and need to catch up.

I'm trying to work from home AND do the childcare AND the housework.

I'm knackered and he's moaning about the house being a mess.

He gets home exhausted as his job is very physical 10 to 12 hours a day...so he can't do anything though he really would if he wasn't so tired...he actually LIKES housework.

I'm getting up at 7 with the DC and then trying to write and clean and entertain and cook.

More often than not I end up doing my paid work in the evening....and then I wake up shattered, with a bad back.

I write crappy copy for websites and if I had no other commitments could probably earn twice what DH earns in a day....but we need the regularity of his cash...mine can sometimes take a few weeks to come in.

I feel overstretched and as though I can't fulfill my earning potential like this. He keeps complaining about the house...when he was off work, he was meant to do the majority of housewok and child care but he was crap at keeping DD away from the office and I was STILL struggling to find the time I needed.

What do I do? I wanted to scream this morning when he started on about the laundry basket which is overflowing with clean stuff...I don't know how to make him understand.

He knows I could be earning more but cannot manage things. Why can't he stop moaning and take the pressure off!?

Sorry for the huge post!

Get a cleaner

the time you were spending tidying and cleaning you can be working more

H can pay for the cleaner

I did think of that...are they expnsive though? I've never been in a position and nt sure where to begin.

What stuff do they do? Will they put laundry away and toys? Or is it just cleaning? How much is a cleaner?

Tell him if it bothers him that much he should do it when he gets home.
That would be no different than if you are sat there in the evening doing the washing and working at the same time.
Just because he leaves the house to work doesn't make his work more important than yours or any more exhausting.

Sit down and discuss it with out falling out over it.
Ask for his help and give him a specific job which isnt too demanding, like folding the washing, or tiyding the kitchen. One job per night. Thats all. Then at some point you both might get some time to sit together of an evening!

Great idea cyb.

For today, chuck the whole lot in bin bags and take it to a laundrette for a service wash.

They'll wash it, dry it & fold it. A massive timesaver I used to do it sometimes when I was a LP and worked full time.

I have tried ronhar...he either gets moody and accusatory or he won't discuss it.
When he gets home he is literally dead on his feet...he eats something at work and when he gets back he talks to me for half an hour, has a moan and then goes to bed.

Hmmm...service wash is good idea...I don't boody drive though and would have to walk half a mile with 2 DDs and the laundry.

Could ask Mum to drop it off on another day though....may well do that!

Wimple I pay £24 a week for my ANGEL to come and clean and tidy my 4 bed 3 bath house (not boasting just saying how much for how big).She does 3 hours.

It was my H's idea to have her here weekly as he hates cleaning even more than I do

Best money we ahve ever spent

Weirdly, makes us tidier too

And she wuill do whatever you want. So if we are on hols, she cleans out all kitchen cupboards etc

Where did you find her Cyb? An agency?

Can you ask your mum to come round for a couple of hours to help you out with dd2? Then you could get on with one thing knowing that dd was being entertained.
My dh is sometimes like that. Especially if he is tired and having a busy time at work. To be honest I just ignore him
I did however hit back the other night by saying to him "sorry I haven't spent my time making sure the house is exactly how you like it but sometimes you dont spend any time making sure that I am happy either"
Funny enough he had nothing to say to that!

I second the service wash idea. Cleaners around here are around £12 per hour. Look in your local paper or ask at school. Someone will know someone who does.

Wimps she used to be in an agency but left and stayed with me, privately.

Ask around see if any of your mates can recommend

I am bereft if she ever has a holiday

I work and couldn't do without my EVEN MORE ANGELIC ANGEL THAN CYB'S to do my cleaning, ironing and occasional dog walking. The house would be a pit and I'd be too knackered to give it a good clean. I heart Sandra, I really do. And we always have a good gossip, if I'm around.

Sandra charges £6 per hour and £10 for a black sackful of ironing.

No...my Mum works herself and comes when she can to help me but she's not very hands on...and her way of helping is to d a bit of shopping for me etc.

I should ignore him more...I'm over sensitive I think...we've ha a rough time and almost split last year...I always get paranoid we're heading down the crap path again.

But wimple the house is not just your problem. its everyones. Find a solution that works, and if it means throwing some money at it, go for it

Yes cleaner. Find one who suits you, and as time goes by and you trust who you've hired, they might take on a bit of emergency child care too. I work in same kind of way as you, and this is my lifeline. Also second what has been said before, having someone get everything straight helps make keeping straight much easier.

Forgot to say, ours does 6 hours a week, which includes an hour's ironing and changing all the beds and a really good quality deep clean of skirting boards, picture frames, removing smears from windows as well as hoovering, kitchen clean back and bin emptying round the house.

We found her on personal rec from a mum friend.

sorry reading read of thread back now. mine don't tidy up toys etc. we mostly do that as we go along, my 2 year old knows he can't get more toys out til one's he has finished with go away. every tuesday before she comes, we spend an hour finessing the tidy up so she can concentrate on the clean. i think the key is in the routine - we all call it 'tidy tuesday' and know to make the effort. you h should pitch in around this too. we pay a LOT for our cleaner (central london, nearly 11 an hour, but she is worth it and has been with us for 5 years now). She let's me know what I'm running out of, if she finds something broken i've missed she lets me know etc.

Invaluable, as between the kids and the work and dh overseas 4 days a week, family far away, I can't do it all to the clean calm standard we both like.

I don't know many people to ask...I could ask some parents from school if they know any...I am pee'd off that DH i making this MY problem.

T'would be good if DD took to her, atm she's sitting on my leg accusing me of "Grumping" and refusing to move.

you need to politely point out its not YOUR problem.

He's not a 'tenant', he lives there. uses stuff, eats stuff , WEARS STUFF doesnt he?

I know...he just rang to apologise..I think we're going through what many parents of little ones do tbh.

He said "No cleaner" and that he will work hours less a day in order to muck in with housework...I still might get one though.

What I REALLY want is some nice teenager who'se maybe doing childcareat college..to come in an play with DD for three hours a day!

I wonder if you can get those?