Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

in being confused by this sexual encounter?

76 replies

janct · 21/01/2011 22:58

I've been married donkey's years. I do love my DH and we have good times and bad times but most of the time we muddle along, as I suspect most couples do after as many years as we've been together. The OK times are OK - cuddles, snuggles etc. The good times are bloody fantastic with no holds barred, anything goes unless we've tried it before and one of us didn't like it, in which case there's never any pressure from the other to try it again. Along with the fantastic sex goes the hand holding, kissing in public, footsy in restaurants. All to the embarrassment of the sprogs. The bad times, well they're shit.

So I suppose in many ways we're like many other couples.

Except in September one of my dear friends split up from her GF literally days before their civil partnership ceremony. In the past I've cried on her shoulder (and her girlfriend's) when things have been bad with DH and both of them have cried on mine when they've had their arguments, although tbh I've usually taken the side of my friend who I've known for years over that of her GF.

My friend (let's call her K) was devastated. I couldn't comfort her, nor could her mum or her sister or her brothers. One evening just before Christmas I was at her flat and she was crying and I was cuddling her and things sort of progressed and got out of hand. I'd never done anything like that before and afterwards I was confused and I think she was too. We both agreed it was the "moment" and that it was a one off and meant nothing. Thing is, I've not been able to stop thinking about it since. It wasn't like anything to do with a man and a dick; it was much more intimate and it was as though she was inside my head and knew exactly what would turn me on. We've only spoken about it a couple of times since. Both times her eyes lit up and yet she couldn't look me in the eye and both times, just talking about it, I could feel myself totally turned on.

So what I need to know is, is this something I really need to explore further given my heightened sexual feelings every time I think of it, or was it just the wonder of the experience which has left its mark on me? I adore my friend but I don't think I have any feelings for her other than friendship and the sexual yearnings. I am most definitely not "in love" with her, yet I want to experience the feelings of that night again.

I am totally confused. I love my DH, but sometimes especially in the "bad" times I wonder if I'm really even "in love" with him.

Do I write this off as a never to be repeated experience which has enriched my life yet confused me, or do I risk my marriage by exploring it further?

OP posts:
nemofish · 21/01/2011 23:03

I don't know. What do you think? Wink

friedtoacrisp · 21/01/2011 23:04

Mmmmmmmmmm sexxxxxxxxxxxy. Oh sorry Grin did you want an opinion? Go for it. Life's short.

Pan · 21/01/2011 23:08

is this something you can talk to dh about? But gently.

TheDevilAndTheDeepBlueSea · 21/01/2011 23:10
Grin
mutznutz · 21/01/2011 23:10

You're asking us if you should cheat on your husband?

Yeah....let's put it to the Mumsnet vote lmao

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 21/01/2011 23:11

Where's that swinger thread gone....?

deardot · 21/01/2011 23:12

just because its a woman doesn't mean its not cheating. It would destroy your friendship in the long term.

That aside, nice one. Smile

MsKLo · 21/01/2011 23:13

Gosh

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 21/01/2011 23:15

Lol mrs klo!

mommmmyof2 · 21/01/2011 23:15

I agree with pan, if you are seriouse about exploring more then I imagine you would not really want to do it behind his back?

But everyone's bad times are shit!Just have to figure out what you have more of, good or bad?

As for having these feelings, I have sometimes felt similar things over my years but nothing ever happened.But I do tell my dh everything now.You don't have to make a decision, just go with what feels right.

skirt · 21/01/2011 23:16

Woah you described it so well. Why not go meet her tomorrow then post all the juicy details and we will tell you what we think :o

mommmmyof2 · 21/01/2011 23:17

Not saying cheating is the answer though, it can't do any good.

mutznutz · 21/01/2011 23:18

deardot would you say 'nice one' if she'd cheated on her husband with another man?

Genuine question by the way.

Pan · 21/01/2011 23:26

I don't think it's the same as cheating on a dh/dp etc with someone of the same gender.

I do keep saying men and women are NOT just different sides of the same coin. So making simple comparisons are pointless. IF the OP is serious about this the consequences are broader than if it was a hetro-fling with another bloke. IYSWIM

deardot · 21/01/2011 23:35

it was addressed to the poster mutznutz.

MrsFlittersnoop · 21/01/2011 23:37

Pan - you are sweet! Grin

HelenBa · 21/01/2011 23:39

I think it depends on whether, for the OP, it would be different if it were a man and whether she thinks her DH would feel differently knowing it's not

Pan · 21/01/2011 23:39

The other thing of course is that AFAIK, I am the only bloke on this thread so far. And I am getting so unsurprised at how you women like to hang each other out to dry at the first invitation. Who needs blokes to be nasty and controlling when you do it to yourselves so effortlessly?

There. I've said it!

mutznutz · 21/01/2011 23:39

I disagree pan...if you marry someone it's to the exclusion of all other lovers surely? Sleeping with someone else is still adultry is it not? Confused

I know deardot but my question was addressed to you Smile

Pan · 21/01/2011 23:40

thank you MrsF - I am sure you are too.

bupcakesandcunting · 21/01/2011 23:40

Do it do it do it.

mutznutz · 21/01/2011 23:41

Oh sorry deardot I get you now...should probably get my glasses too Blush

bupcakesandcunting · 21/01/2011 23:41

Shut your blowhole, Pan. Women don't have to mercilessly bum each other just because we all have vaginas. How bloody fucking patronising...

deardot · 21/01/2011 23:42

mutznutz I'm not interested in engaging with whatever nonsense you are about to embark on so shallow it.

lesley33 · 21/01/2011 23:42

Do you want to stay with your DH who you say you love? If the answer is yes, then of course you need to do nothing with your friend. If you take this further, it could blow your marriage apart.

If you are unsure about your relationship with your DH - you say you are not sure if you are in love - then having an affair is not the best way to resolve this.

If you really do want to explore things further with your friend, then you need to end your relationship with your DH.

Swipe left for the next trending thread