I've been married donkey's years. I do love my DH and we have good times and bad times but most of the time we muddle along, as I suspect most couples do after as many years as we've been together. The OK times are OK - cuddles, snuggles etc. The good times are bloody fantastic with no holds barred, anything goes unless we've tried it before and one of us didn't like it, in which case there's never any pressure from the other to try it again. Along with the fantastic sex goes the hand holding, kissing in public, footsy in restaurants. All to the embarrassment of the sprogs. The bad times, well they're shit.
So I suppose in many ways we're like many other couples.
Except in September one of my dear friends split up from her GF literally days before their civil partnership ceremony. In the past I've cried on her shoulder (and her girlfriend's) when things have been bad with DH and both of them have cried on mine when they've had their arguments, although tbh I've usually taken the side of my friend who I've known for years over that of her GF.
My friend (let's call her K) was devastated. I couldn't comfort her, nor could her mum or her sister or her brothers. One evening just before Christmas I was at her flat and she was crying and I was cuddling her and things sort of progressed and got out of hand. I'd never done anything like that before and afterwards I was confused and I think she was too. We both agreed it was the "moment" and that it was a one off and meant nothing. Thing is, I've not been able to stop thinking about it since. It wasn't like anything to do with a man and a dick; it was much more intimate and it was as though she was inside my head and knew exactly what would turn me on. We've only spoken about it a couple of times since. Both times her eyes lit up and yet she couldn't look me in the eye and both times, just talking about it, I could feel myself totally turned on.
So what I need to know is, is this something I really need to explore further given my heightened sexual feelings every time I think of it, or was it just the wonder of the experience which has left its mark on me? I adore my friend but I don't think I have any feelings for her other than friendship and the sexual yearnings. I am most definitely not "in love" with her, yet I want to experience the feelings of that night again.
I am totally confused. I love my DH, but sometimes especially in the "bad" times I wonder if I'm really even "in love" with him.
Do I write this off as a never to be repeated experience which has enriched my life yet confused me, or do I risk my marriage by exploring it further?