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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is dh being a (s)nob about my potential job?

47 replies

gramercy · 19/01/2011 10:00

Could do with some extra money.

The only job I can feasibly do is one with school hours and term time (dh is out of the house from 5.30 to 8 and sometimes away, and I have no family).

So I see and apply for a job as a school catering assistant (yes, with hairnet and overall).

Dh went ballistic. He said it's embarrassing and a reflection on his ability to provide for his family. And that I could do so much more and that I'm letting myself down.

I'm not proud, I'll do any job. And frankly my background and expertise are irrelevant now. I'm too old and have been out of the loop too long. I keep telling dh that I am just another middle-aged woman looking for a convenient job, not some hungry young hot shot.

OP posts:
JBellingham · 19/01/2011 10:02

He is being a snob.

RobynLou · 19/01/2011 10:02

yes he's being a snob.

If you can get a job that fits the life you want then thats a very valuable thing.

valiumredhead · 19/01/2011 10:03

Tell him to feck off. Seriously

kreecherlivesupstairs · 19/01/2011 10:03

YANBU at all. Why are some men's pride threatened by the ridiculous notion that they have to provide for the little woman.
My DH would be thrilled if I got a job and brought some money in, not threatened. So would I if I'm telling the truth.

TattyDevine · 19/01/2011 10:04

Bite his twizzler and blow it across the room.

TheReturnoftheSmartArse · 19/01/2011 10:04

I'm not sure he's being a snob. Is it not perhaps a male pride thing - the old "I want to be able to provide for my family" thing. My DH is like that.

OopsDoneItAgain · 19/01/2011 10:04

He is being a snob. I used to be a teacher and am now thinking of doing some cleaning. Its part time, the right hours potentially, can do as much or little as I like, and I couldn't give a flying f* what others thought. Money is money.

Though I wouldnt have to wear a hairnet Wink

Ooopsadaisy · 19/01/2011 10:05

Good for you!

However never say "my background and expertise are irrelevant".

The fact is - you need a job that fits in with your life as it is at this time.

So dh is embarrased by you is he? Lovely.

He thinks the entire world reflects back on him? Errr - no.

Sorry - I'm angry for you.

Do what is right for you.

I know a school catering assistant and she loves the camraderie of her job and has great friends there.

Ok - the money is bad and it can be hard work but it works for her life balance.

Dh needs to put his head back on his neck.

mycarscallednev · 19/01/2011 10:06

Good for you. Tell him to grow up! Think of the savings in childcare costs - working school hours will save you money!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 19/01/2011 10:06

He is being a snob, AND a nob.

carabos · 19/01/2011 10:06

YANBU. You may be surprised at how much you enjoy your job when and if you get it and it could well be a stepping stone to something "more" eventually if that's what you find you want. Go for it and good luck.

scouserabroad · 19/01/2011 10:06

It does sound a bit snobby, but does he have a point about you being able to do more? (I used to work in a school canteen BTW, I'm not looking down on the job!)

piprabbit · 19/01/2011 10:07

Your DH seems to have slipped through a time portal from the 1930s.

Original poster
gramercy · 19/01/2011 10:08

Thanks for those comments. I have an interview tomorrow. How embarrassing if I don't get the job!

I know this sounds awful, but I'm wondering how much I should "reduce" my CV... it looks a bit laughable and thoroughly irrelevant.

OP posts:
Adversecamber · 19/01/2011 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WidowWadman · 19/01/2011 10:10

Hang on, he's saying that he thinks you're capable of much more. I think by restricting yourself to school hours term time only jobs you are letting yourself down.

What about getting a job which is not term time only and paying for childcare? We've no family nearby and that's what we do, and many other families too.

I don't think he's a nob or a snob, just someone who's concerned that instead of looking for something you can thrive in you just go for something which you can somehow fit in.

MrsFruitcake · 19/01/2011 10:10

He is definitely being U.

Good for you for wanting to do something for yourself. Good luck with the interview.

IloveJudgeJudy · 19/01/2011 10:10

He's being a snob. If you need the money, does it matter what you do to get it. If that is his reaction, then why isn't he earning more so that you don't need to get a job like that?

Many people have done jobs that they might not necessarily have wanted to when their DC were young. I have, too. Would your DH rather your family not be able to do stuff just because the job is not what he would like you to do.

If you haven't worked for a while it will do your confidence a world of good to do this. I say GFI.

Aims80 · 19/01/2011 10:11

I think it'll be great for you if you get the job. A job that fits in with school hours/holidays is a rare thing! I hope you get it.

Explain that to him and tell him that whilst you're doing it you'll look for something with similar hours that he might see as "more suitable" (even if you don't).

UniS · 19/01/2011 10:11

He's being a snob. School mealtime work is kinda fun. Is he the type to accept it better if he thinks its pin money and your earning so you can treat yourself.

Deciduousblonde · 19/01/2011 10:12

Would he feel it's a reflection on him if you went out and became an Accountant or something along those lines?

I am just wondering if he feels you shouldn't be working at all, or it's just because of the job you have chosen.

Either is stupid, really. He should be happy you want to contribute or relieve the 'burden' from him a little bit. Plus, the job you are going for is a very important one.

SexyDomesticatedDab · 19/01/2011 10:12

Go for it - if you are happy to do the job then why not.

Ooopsadaisy · 19/01/2011 10:13

CV- why laughable? Are you being a snob now?

If you have worked with people then you have people skills.

If you have managed projects - feeding 2000 kids sounds like a big old project to me.

If you are a quick learner and have adopted adaptable skills - name them - give examples - show you know how to manage a stressful situation.

Don't know enough about you to make this relevant but I think you know what I mean.

Rewrite the CV making it relevant to this role.

Heroine · 19/01/2011 10:13

one of my friends at uni was highly successful at getting cool little fill-in jobs whilst we were all getting knock backs - she confessed that she put her uni years down as 'unemployment' and her holiday jobs as her 'career progression' and left out her a-levels Grin it seemed to work perfectly!!
I was working in a small shop and we had a CV come in that was all 'business studies degree, five years experience in catering, etc etc and the reaction was 'he would be a pain to work with!' - even I felt like that .. and I had a similar background, but had got the job just by walking in and having a chat and saying that I was looking to work summer and christmas minimum...

Quenelle · 19/01/2011 10:16

He's being a snob.

If this job fits with your available hours and brings some needed extra money into the house then it's the job you are capable of doing in your present circumstances, regardless of what else you are qualified for.

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