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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or is dh being a (s)nob about my potential job?

47 replies

gramercy · 19/01/2011 10:00

Could do with some extra money.

The only job I can feasibly do is one with school hours and term time (dh is out of the house from 5.30 to 8 and sometimes away, and I have no family).

So I see and apply for a job as a school catering assistant (yes, with hairnet and overall).

Dh went ballistic. He said it's embarrassing and a reflection on his ability to provide for his family. And that I could do so much more and that I'm letting myself down.

I'm not proud, I'll do any job. And frankly my background and expertise are irrelevant now. I'm too old and have been out of the loop too long. I keep telling dh that I am just another middle-aged woman looking for a convenient job, not some hungry young hot shot.

OP posts:

Quenelle · 19/01/2011 10:16

Good luck with the interview by the way.

Oblomov · 19/01/2011 10:17

What do you do ? I mean which job would you like ? Is there no chance at ALL, you could even do something similar.
If you are very qualified/expereinced, it seems a shame.
Would you be able to find a job that only required minor childcare ?
My accounts job means I pick up and drop off ds1 at school 3 days a week. The other 2 he goes to after school club that he adores. And keeps telling me he'd rather go there and play wii, than have me pick him up ! Charming !!

Heroine · 19/01/2011 10:18

you need to have the right skillset.

Washinig hands (dont smell at interview)
Be able to stop kids arguing by banging a ladle
Be able to be bitchy and nasty about the teachers you are simultaneously the most friendly with
be able to have favourites amongst the most chavvy and violent boys and allow them to flirt with you.
be able to cook a perfectly good chilli with no burny smell despite seven inches of it being stuck to the bottom of a giant pan, and burning...
understand how to steam cabbage and sprouts to the exact window where the sulphur is at maximum.
You don't need this skill, but it will gain you respect from the old-school- you need to be able to make a so-called peppermint sauce that tastes a bit like fairy liquid
TABARD!

funtimewincies · 19/01/2011 10:19

YANBU, if you're happy with it then what's the problem.

We're having a bit of this at the moment. I'm a teacher (Primary) but have been out of work and bringing up children. I'd like to go back but there are no part-time jobs advertised across 4 LEAs (I'm on the English/Welsh border). I suggested looking at TA jobs as these would allow me to get back to the parts of the job I love without all the planning and marking, it would fit better with ds' school hours, etc. And dh would like me to be working again.

Dh is against it. Why should I get a TA job when I'm a qualified teacher? Erm...because there are no PT teaching jobs . And round we go again.

SexyDomesticatedDab · 19/01/2011 10:23

If you are a qualified TA in a school and then teachers go off for maternity leave then you could possibly cover that - I'm sure its easier to get another job when you are in one already.

funtimewincies · 19/01/2011 10:29

Depends on the school and the headteacher sexydomesticateddad but yes, I don't see it as a comedown and it gets me back into schools. I've had some fabulous TAs who really are the unsung heros of the classroom and I've no problem with giving some of that back.

Unglamorous but essential jobs, done to the best of your ability. Your dh should be proud OP .

funtimewincies · 19/01/2011 10:30

Dab, sorry. 'd' and 'b' reversal, at my age. Oh the shame !

UniS · 19/01/2011 10:31

Re- TA job for QT, IF you are happy to take pay cut in exchange for smaller workload and less responsibility why not. It can be a good way to keep / catch up with current teaching practises and curriculum development. Nothing to stop you applying for advertised teaching posts in future.

Original poster

gramercy · 19/01/2011 10:35

To be fair to dh (he isn't a wholly bad person, honest!) he is happy for me to work, keen no less, but it's just the school cook thing.

But, as I keep stressing to him, school hours jobs do not grow on trees. TA jobs (not that I'd like to do this) are so sought-after that at dd's school the TAs are more qualified than the actual teachers. Dd's current TA was a senior editor at a London publishing house, for example.

OP posts:

funtimewincies · 19/01/2011 10:38

I agree UniS. I'm earning no money at the moment, so it's not even a pay cut as such. As a supply, I wouldn't be able to access new training (unless I pay hundreds of pounds for it) and it's difficult to get past the stigma of 'she must be supply because she's a rubbish teacher' which is often perpetuated at the school gates (you know who you are ) rather than 'she's a supply because it fits in with childcare'.

When is the interview OP?

peppapighastakenovermylife · 19/01/2011 10:39

He needs to see the bigger picture!

Deciduousblonde · 19/01/2011 10:40

I kind of did the same thing in that I managed to find a job in a childrenswear store between the hours of 9.30 and 2.30. It suited me fine, and luckily DH isn't a snob & appreciated me 'doing my bit' plus the fact I was happy to have a life outside of raising children & running a home.

I only quit when I was promoted to deputy manager and the hours were getting longer!

Jobs within the schools are like gold dust round here. Everyone wants them, and I'm not surprised. Best of both worlds

Mymblesson · 19/01/2011 10:40

a reflection on his ability to provide for his family.

I'm sorry, is it 1970 again?

YANBU - he needs to stop being a daft sod.

Deciduousblonde · 19/01/2011 10:43

This is what I mean.

Surely it would be more of a 'reflection on his ability to provide for his family' if you got a job working 9-5 with more pay and childcare needed? not that it is my opinion of course, parents have the right to work how and when they choose..but I don't see his reasoning at all in that respect.

It is obviously the type of job you are applying for which is the problem, and that makes him a snob.

purits · 19/01/2011 10:48

If DH doesn't like the opportunity that you have found then ask him to find one that does match his exacting standards!

You are right to 'reduce' your CV. If it says "I used to be a merchant banker on £2million p.a. plus bonus" then they will think that you are only on a holding pattern and will scarper the moment something more lucrative comes up. They will offer the job instead to someone who will stick around (recruiting is a very costly business - in terms of money and time).

Take whatever job you can. It is a well-known fact that it is easier to get (the next) job if you are already employed.

onimolap · 19/01/2011 10:49

It sounds to me as if he's being a knob, rather than a snob. You said his objection was to your having a job at all (reflection on his ability to provide), rather than his perceptions on the status of this particular one.

It's generally a good thing that he thinks providing for his family is important. But he is being a knob to think that a) having a job is solely about income and b) providing for a family is only his role or c) other people's possible views on it matter more than your wishes on what you want to do.

Deciduousblonde · 19/01/2011 10:51

What about the comment he made to the OP about how she could ''do so much better and she is letting herself down''

That is snobbish, not to mention downright insulting & ridiculous.

BertieBotts · 19/01/2011 10:52

Heroine you just made me snort my tea everywhere.

Sidge · 19/01/2011 11:01

I think many people have the same sort of ideas as your DH in that they have a mental hierarchy of desirability/value in jobs.

So things like dinner ladies, cleaners, binmen, bar staff, childcare workers, admin clerks, care staff etc are deemed lowly and worthless jobs that you only do until something better comes along. It is unthinkable to them that you might well have that job because you like it, it fits around your other commitments etc!

Deciduousblonde · 19/01/2011 11:06

Precisely Sidge.

I mean, can you imagine what would happen if everyone thought those jobs were too lowly for them? nothing would ever get done.

Onetoomanycornettos · 19/01/2011 11:15

Well, your husband is a snob, and if all you want is a term-time job for a little extra money, this is perfect.

However, perhaps he has touched a nerve. Perhaps you do have skills that are going to go underused in that position, and there isn't really a career structure. So, by taking it, you are to him saying, I'm out of the game I used to be in and I'm not going to go back to my career. Is that an issue for you? (not concerned about him)

I think you have to ask yourself if that's what you want. You can still do the job and work out how you might get to use your expertise and skills, we won't be in a recession for ever.

Onetoomanycornettos · 19/01/2011 11:16

Sidge, it's not necessarily that they are 'lowly', but they sure as heck are poorly paid, don't have a career structure and don't require extra qualifications or skills. So, if you don't want those things they are great, but if you do want to exercise those career muscles, I don't think being a catering assistant is going to do it.

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