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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want DH to come to these weddings.

30 replies

Hai1988 · 19/01/2011 09:55

me, DH and DS have been invited to two weddings in June this year and DH says he doesn't want to go to any of them.

The first one is his best mates sister's wedding and we have only been invited to the ceremony and the evening reception, to get to so I don't see the problem.

The second one is one of my best mates, so I defiantly want to go to this one and if he is adamant that he isn't going I will be going alone to this one, but I don't see why I should have to explain why I am there alone without my DH, why should I have to make excuses for him when he just cant be arsed.

So aibu or is he?

OP posts:
SoMuchToBits · 19/01/2011 10:00

Has he said why he doesn't want to go? It seems unusual IMO for someone's spouse not to go with them to a wedding when invited, unless either they have a previous commitment or are unwell on the day.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 19/01/2011 10:02

Do you have DC that he is worried about? My poor DH has been dragged to weddings of people I worked with and a couple of funerals of people he didn't know who I nursed.

deepheat · 19/01/2011 10:09

Well, he's just being honest. My wife has a very extended family who for some reason all like each other and do things like keep in touch! Bloody ridiculous. It also means that every year I get dragged to a couple of weddings of smoe distant relative - 2nd cousin, cousin, brother etcWink - that I really don't want to go to.

They are generally unbearable and I really don't enjoy them (should add that I do like my wife's family) but I go out of a sense of duty.

Its your call really: he can't really help it if the idea of these weddings is very unappealing to him, so bearing in mind that you're unlikely to go with a happy, smiling husband, would you rather go with a big old grump or on your own?

Original poster
Hai1988 · 19/01/2011 10:11

Not really given a reason tbh, other than not close to any either of the people getting married in both weddings and just don't like weddings, his best mate got married last year and he said he only went because it was his best mate, but then the year b4 that we went to one of his work mates weddings and I didn't even no them but I went along with him to this one so I don't understand why he cant return the favour for me.

We do have a DS that 5.4, but cant see why that would be a problem as with the first wedding my mum said she would have him during the church ceremony as its just across the road from her and FIL is having him over night so we can go to the evening reception if we like.

The second wedding (my BF's wedding) DS will probably come with us but I don't see the problem as he has come with us to many weddings b4 even mine and DH'S 3 years ago and there was no problems.

OP posts:
Aims80 · 19/01/2011 10:14

Weddings are fun, especially friend's weddings! What a grump. He should definately go, it's not as if you're asking him to go to one every single weekend of the year! Explain that you'd like to enjoy them with him and that people will think it is odd if he's not there..

Original poster
Hai1988 · 19/01/2011 10:18

My point exactly Aims80, I dont want people thinking our marriage is on the rocks or we have had an argument if he doesnt show. OR tho if he really doesnt come i think it might end in one

OP posts:
Mumwithadragontattoo · 19/01/2011 10:23

I agree with somuch - unless he has a prior engagement or is ill he should accompany you. It is a party, probably with free food - what's not to like? It would be different perhaps if it was a long journey or childcare was going to be a nightmare but it doesn't sound like this is the case.

Original poster
Hai1988 · 19/01/2011 10:26

no both wedding are local in fact the second one, the reception is within walking distance.

OP posts:
JBellingham · 19/01/2011 10:27

If he doesn't want to go, why should he? Might be a miserable sod but thats up to him.

Original poster
Hai1988 · 19/01/2011 10:29

would you like to go to a wedding alone without your OH, JB?

OP posts:
BuzzLightBeer · 19/01/2011 10:29

Compromise. He goes to one with you, you go to the other on your own.

OTheHugeManatee · 19/01/2011 10:30

I don't think there should ever be a three-line whip. If your H isn't a party person, these things can be torture.

You're not U to want him to come, but I think you would be VU to force him. If you really feel strongly about it though, maybe you could compromise on just one?

But if what you're really saying is 'AIBU to wish my DH was a party person?' then you should have thought about that before you married him.

missmehalia · 19/01/2011 10:30

Isn't it part and parcel of relationships to support your partner? I do understand how he feels (I don't enjoy duty weddings at all) but it'd be nice if he thought of you too. Maybe at the very least he should agree to go to one out of the two.

LindyHemming · 19/01/2011 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ifancyashandy · 19/01/2011 10:30

Would people really think your marriage was on the rocks / you'd had a big fight if you went to a social occassion on your own?

missmehalia · 19/01/2011 10:32

And maybe agree a time to leave? Of course, if he likes getting drinky at weddings (and lots of people do) when he gets there he'll probably be surprised that he may enjoy himself!

I do agree with O, though, some people aren't party people and that should be accepted. I can't stand going to big gatherings where DH knows lots of people and I don't, as one example. Especially if he gets bladdered and I'm driving.

mayorquimby · 19/01/2011 10:34

depends how are you going to react if he does go and then isn't having a good time or putting on the appearance of being happy? What if he wants to leave early but you don't want to?
I'd suck it up and go myself, but then again I like social occassions even if it's something I don't really want to go to before hand. If he really hates these type of things it could be hell for him.

Original poster
Hai1988 · 19/01/2011 10:39

The thing is its not like its because there is two weddings,as he said he didn't want to go to the first one B4 we even new about the second one.

If Im honest I could probably be ok about not going to the first one, so if we were gonna compromise on just one wedding it wouldn't be a big decision.
But I cant help but think that DH'S best mate (who is a mutual friend btw) will be a but miffed that we turned down his sisters wedding invite for no reason.

I know DH is not a party person and doesn't really like social situations but neither do I tbh and I would feel really uncomfortable going alone Sad but I just deal with it otherwise I would end up being a hermit.

Im not sure if people would really think that ifancy but I wouldn't like them to think it.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 19/01/2011 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBonkers · 19/01/2011 10:40

He should go to the first one as its HIS best mates sister (unless they are friends of yours too,) but go to your mates on your own.
Him and your DS can have a boys night in and you can get lashed tipsy without having to babysit your husband - everyone wins.

Original poster
Hai1988 · 19/01/2011 10:42

I agree with that Euphemia You will no belive that amount of birthday and other partys i've not gone to because DH doesnt like them, but I will feel uncomfortable on my own

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 19/01/2011 10:44

If you know the couple well and know plenty of guests you won't be lonely, and if they know you well then they will already know that your DH doesn't enjoy weddings so you can just say that he is a grumpy bugger who wouldn'y enjoy it.

Original poster
Hai1988 · 19/01/2011 10:45

Yeah the first wedding is mutual friends

OP posts:
ifancyashandy · 19/01/2011 10:46

I couldn't care less what others think about my relationships.

Go, see your friends and have fun on your own!

Original poster
Hai1988 · 19/01/2011 10:48

I should add the first wedding is mutual friends , but more so DH'S so it wouldnt feel right to got to that one alone.

OP posts: