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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed at friend correcting ds?

51 replies

whethergirl · 18/01/2011 21:50

Me and my close friend have ds's the same age (6). We are very different in our parenting in that friend is very ambitious with her ds, has always given him extra academic lessons at home and is basically trying to raise a genius. I'm really laid back about that kind of stuff. She does go on a bit about how clever her ds is, how advanced for his age he is, what his latest report has said, how he is top in everything at school etc. TBH it can get quite boring and I find it quite crass to be continually boasting about your own ds. But I just smile and let her get on with it.

Lately though, she has started correcting my ds as he sometimes mispronounces a certain letter. TBH, I've never thought of it as a problem, the only time I've corrected him is if we are actually sounding out words for homework. It's quite minor though, I think he'll just grow out of it and tbh I don't want to draw attention to it or make him feel conscious about it.

AIBU to think she's over stepping the mark by correcting him? Surely that's my job and at my discretion?

OP posts:

mamalovesmojitos · 18/01/2011 21:53

YANBU I think that is very rude of her. Not sure what you can do. I would say lightly 'oh, I don't mind if he gets that wrong, he takes a little time sounding out letters sometimes'.

AgentZigzag · 18/01/2011 21:57

If she's doing it all the time and it's getting on your nerves, it might be worth saying something to her.

I'm not sure what you could say, but there are always ways of saying things in a nice way.

Unless she's easily offended, then you'll probably stuffed

But if she's like this with how your DS speaks, what else is she going to start thinking she can 'help' you with?

Firawla · 18/01/2011 22:00

yanbu i would find that v annoying. also she could affect his confidence by keep doing that, i thought its not the done thing to keep making the point of correcting them?? (could be wrong but sure i've heard this?) - but anyway it is not her place

LaWeaselMys · 18/01/2011 22:00

I would be really cross if someone corrected how DC spoke.

I'm pretty laid back (honest) but being snobby about how other people speak and whether or not it is correct really pisses me off and I wouldn't be having any of it.

fedupwithdeployment · 18/01/2011 22:02

I can see why you might be a bit annoyed, but surely every little helps? I am no Alpha Mummy, but if either DS (6 or 4) says something wrong, I will automatically correct them. and I might correct someone else's children. I almost do it to adults at work but usually stop myself in time - although if it is written, I will usually amend it.

cokezeroandchocolate · 18/01/2011 22:06

YANBU.

What's she doing correcting your child?! Unless you have the kind of friendship where you've agreed that you're happy for each other to do it, she shouldn't comment.

As a rule of thumb I would say don't correct anyway. Much better to repeat back to the child what they have said (as in affirming) and model the correct pronounciation, rather than make them feel that they have said something 'wrong'.

cokezeroandchocolate · 18/01/2011 22:09

Sorry, 'the child' sounds really impersonal! Just mean children in general, not referring specifically your ds. Going all 'teacher', sorry.

Lamorna · 18/01/2011 22:11

I would just leave it, but turn it into a private joke with your DS.

coldtits · 18/01/2011 22:11

Speech therapists generally suggest that you model the sound, rather than correct the sound, and you are, of course, rather surprised she doesn't know this!

unhappyshopper · 18/01/2011 22:13

I would concentrate on getting him to pronounce the letter correctly, then she wont be able to do it to him.

cat64 · 18/01/2011 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Morloth · 18/01/2011 22:24

Is she doing it on purpose?

If a kid speaks to me and mispronouces something, I automatically correct them without thinking about it, I am not trying to make a point or anything it just happens after years of being around little kids.

However my good friends and I have a 'village' parenting thing going on where whoever happens to be closest deals with whatever so DS1 is used to being told off/corrected by whichever adult is in the vicinity.

Original poster

whethergirl · 18/01/2011 22:28

coldtits, exactly, I tend not to correct him or point it out, I just model the sound. And that is usually only when we are actually doing reading homework. The word he gets wrong is "the" (he says "Le" - as they do in France!) so I am not going to correct him everytime he says such a common word. I think in the long run it will do more damage and give him a complex. He has definitely got better as he has got older ("Le" was exclusive at one point!) and so I don't really see it as a problem, I think he will naturally grow out of it. I really don't think that by continually correcting him at age 6, he is going to be saying "Le" when he is 21 years of age.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 18/01/2011 22:30

But the OPs not bothered about it unhappyshopper.

What happens when her friend decides there's something else she's not pushing her DS hard enough in?

Do as she's told?

Original poster

whethergirl · 18/01/2011 22:31

AgentZigzag - that's my worry. I secretly think she's OTT with educating her ds, I'm sure she secretly thinks I don't do enough. So maybe she is trying to "help" but I can see it developing and her "helping" ds with other things. I'm thinking, nip it in the bud.

OP posts:

Original poster

whethergirl · 18/01/2011 22:37

She has made a point of it. She has said
"Now, I will give you a sweet but only if you can say 'I want THE blue one'"
and
"Can you practice saying "the" for me, and when I see you next time you can be saying it correctly, because we don't want it to be a habit, especially when you're a grown up, you want to say it the right way don't you?"

OP posts:

Original poster

whethergirl · 18/01/2011 22:43

I meant, I really don't think that by NOT continually correcting him at age 6, he is going to be saying "Le" when he is 21. (excuse the double negative, although I don't think my friend would).

OP posts:

LaWeaselMys · 18/01/2011 22:44

I don't think that is on.

You need to tell her (politely obviously) what coldtitz says above that modelling is the best approach and you don't want her giving your son confusing messages.

Original poster

whethergirl · 18/01/2011 22:45

The funny thing is, she isn't well spoken at all herself and actually "street" talks quite a bit.

OP posts:

ballstoit · 18/01/2011 22:46

How do you not tell her to shut the f up?

Thats pretty cheeky in my opinion, and also the wrong way to go about helping him, even if you wanted her help.

Bumperlicious · 18/01/2011 22:46

I don't think that's on and would be quite offended!

Original poster

whethergirl · 18/01/2011 22:56

Ok thanks, just checking I wasn't being over sensitive. TBH I already feel that when she goes on about how clever her ds is in front of us all, that my ds might be feeling a bit put out. I mean I praise him enough on a 1 to 1 but it's just not in me to sit there boasting about him, and even if I did to counteract her, it would only fuel her to boast about her ds even more.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 18/01/2011 22:58

Blimey, it's not just a 'It's 'the' not 'le' sweetie'

With her spouting all that in front of you to your DS I agree with ballstoits sentiments and wonder how you've not told her to shut her trap.

Original poster

whethergirl · 18/01/2011 23:21

I am on le verge, Agent!

We're good enough friends for me to say something but then I don't want her to feel awkward about ever being able to mention anything about her ds achievements as it's obviously important to her. But she is on repeat a lot! "Did I tell you the headmaster said he is 2 years above his reading level? Did I tell you about that poem he wrote? Did I tell you what he came out with the other day? Did I tell you how many students at his new school end up going to cambridge?"

Or even worse, I don't want her to think I'm actually jealous because my ds can't read Shakespeare and thinks the sun is made out of egg.

OP posts:

CalamityKate · 18/01/2011 23:51

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