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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder why so many women

73 replies

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 18/01/2011 09:35

use their husband's email addresses, because they don't know how to set up one of their own. I just looked at my email inbox and it is full of what appear to be emails from strange men - but they are actually from said men's wives. I mean, if you are going to be emailing regularly, why not get an address of your own? DD3 herself up with a googlemail account when she was seven - it's not that hard.
OK, I know IABU and it's none of my business, I just find it strange. Can anyone enlighten me please?

OP posts:

JelliBelli · 18/01/2011 15:44

No problem - it's good to consider how it actually is rather than how it is from my POV.

As you say, each to their own.

Adversecamber · 18/01/2011 15:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mishy1234 · 18/01/2011 15:47

Our home email address is under my husband's name. I use it for all my social stuff as I don't like anything personal going through my work email. I just don't see the point of having a separate email address. Most of our friends are mutual ones anyway, even my girly ones.

GrimmaTheNome · 18/01/2011 15:51

I had an email address before DH (must be over 20 years now) - its my work one though. He does a lot of work on his too, so they need to be separate.

Original poster

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 18/01/2011 15:54

Interesting discussion. I suppose not liking the idea of sharing an email address with DH also goes along with, for instance, the fact that we are scrupulous about not opening each other's post, whereas clearly other people on here are more relaxed about that too. I honestly have nothing to hide from DH, but I wouldn't like him opening my emails before I did.

OP posts:

Laquitar · 18/01/2011 16:27

Do you think it might also have to do with what age you got married?

We 've met each other in our late 30s so we both already had e-mail addresses and bank accounts, cars etc and we were used to own our own things.

GORGEOUSX · 18/01/2011 16:31

LadyG I know what you mean about not wanting DH to open your e-mail before you. DH has occasionally done that and I must admit to feeling slightly less than pleased. I won't go over my reasons AGAIN, but you have certainly made me think about something I had NEVER thought about.

As another poster said, when I met my DH, I didn't even have a computer, let alone a laptop, so it just sort of become one of those 'Man -Jobs'.

I'm glad you raised this as I now wonder if my friends are rather put off by knowing DH can read their messages.

Original poster

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 18/01/2011 16:33

I was over 30 when I got married Laquitar. But I am so old that this was still before the invention of email. Which answers TheEvilDead's question about the age of my friends, I suppose.

OP posts:

GORGEOUSX · 18/01/2011 16:36

LOL - Yes, I, too, was over 30!

MrsTumbles · 18/01/2011 16:43

I'm an IT manager for quite a huge company, and I use my DH's email account at home. I also use his Facebook account, and ebay, amazon...

It's got nothing to do with me being a technophobe, or feeling like a 'little woman' I just spend all day on computers so avoid them like the plague when I am at home. Basically its laziness, nothing else

wheresmejumper · 18/01/2011 16:45

Well Im 29 and DP is 33 and he only learned email last year so anything he wanted to send was done through my address. he has his own now though.

Having said that I feel comfortable opening his post or email or vice versa or if his phone texted when he was driving I would have no bother in reading it to him. Doesnt mean that I am his 'secretary' or some sort of skivvy to him. He does the exact same thing for me. Isnt that what couples do? Do things for each other? Its not always about men trying to control the woman, sometimes its just one DP helping out another

BreconBeBuggered · 18/01/2011 19:27

Of course I slag off my DH in emails to my friends, even though we share the same address. Half the fun is knowing he'll probably see it. :0

SeaTrek · 18/01/2011 19:52

Umm...I hadn't really thought about this until now.

Yes, I have a friend who uses her husband's email address (in his name and appears to be from him) and another who has a joint email address. MIL and FIL have one account between them and it is in FIL's name.

I guess I just thought they only had one computer in the house and therefore thought it was easier to simply have one address in outlook or something. DH and I both have two email accounts (work and personal each) and check both several times a day on our respective computers in our own office/study.

I don't think it matters really. I can even see an argument for it tbh...

twinkletweeter · 18/01/2011 19:56

I know my sister and her OH have a shared one - I think its weird - you wouldn't share a moblime would you?!

freshmint · 18/01/2011 19:57

I think it is really odd. Right up there with women who can't drive on motorways. Or at all.

"Take some control of your lives, people" I want to shout

GORGEOUSX · 18/01/2011 20:00

BreconBeBuggered I do like your posts.

howtoapproach · 18/01/2011 20:39

We share one, simply because it's easier to check one. Dont' understand why you care?

MainlyMaynie · 18/01/2011 21:06

DH and I have a shared email account as our main email account. Not cos either of us can't set one up (we both have separate gmail/hotmail accounts for using on forums/freecycle etc.). I just see it as like having mail delivered to the house. It's for either of us. It comes up in my name not his though :o

MainlyMaynie · 18/01/2011 21:13

Oh and I talk about DH on it in a general "DH has gone to the pub" type way, but I don't really feel the need to bitch about my husband to people in emails .

fluffles · 18/01/2011 21:13

i find this very uncomfortable if i don't know the husband. i generally put FAO: 'friends name' in the subject line because to me it's like starting a telephone conversation not knowing if you're talking to the friend or her husband.

i almost feel like writing 'hi 'hisname' can you ask 'hername' if she's available for lunch sometime this week?' because surely if it's his email then it's him that checks it??

don't know... i find it odd... DH and i would never read and sort each other's new emails unless one was incapacitated or specifically asked the other to find a specific message for a reason.

PeachyPossum · 18/01/2011 21:49

Mine is in my husbands name. I set it up, and his too. I would rather not advertise the fact I've got boobs when I need to interact on the internet (Ebay for example when people can get your address).

Bit off to assume it's because they don't know how to do it.

igetmorelovefromthecat · 18/01/2011 21:52

YANBU.

I don't know why a lot of people seem to think that setting up an email address involves some kind of wizardry. If you can read, then you can set up an email address. Simple as that. There is no excuse.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 18/01/2011 21:59

exH and I shared one - set up in the days when it was rather like getting a phone line - you just had the one.

Was never an issue though, it was pretty obvious what was junk and what was for who.

Just like the snail mail - I never read his emails, he never read mine.

Later on we did get separate ones - but as we only had one computer and both emails addresses down loaded into one inbox (we set up filters to separate them) it kind of defeated the purpose

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