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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why so many women

73 replies

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 18/01/2011 09:35

use their husband's email addresses, because they don't know how to set up one of their own. I just looked at my email inbox and it is full of what appear to be emails from strange men - but they are actually from said men's wives. I mean, if you are going to be emailing regularly, why not get an address of your own? DD3 herself up with a googlemail account when she was seven - it's not that hard.
OK, I know IABU and it's none of my business, I just find it strange. Can anyone enlighten me please?

OP posts:
kepler10b · 18/01/2011 14:05

i had to set up email for my husband. he can just about work out how to check it himself but sometimes forgets so i have to help him. same with facebook. tbf english is his second language. i do find it a bit frustrating sometimes and think some of it is just being lazy...easier to get someone to do stuff for you than do it yourself.

kepler10b · 18/01/2011 14:06

i think maybe some (particularly older) couples see email as a bit like having a (landline) telephone. you wouldn't have one of those each (normally), so why have different emails.

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 18/01/2011 14:07

never encountered it, though I do know a few couples who have 'joint' email address and I find that weird enough. A few friends have got married & then got a joint address - beyond sending thank you messages, why would you?

YANBU - it's very easy to set up a gmail account.

jonicomelately · 18/01/2011 14:09

lol at idea DP and I could be viewed as a 'package.'
I have another address but more often than not I can't be arsed using it because his is easier.

BreconBeBuggered · 18/01/2011 14:12

I'm a bit idle on this issue and can't see the point of logging into a separate email account when we don't have messages we want to hide from one another. Setting up a new one seems like more hassle than it's worth when all everything goes to the one address now.

muttimalzwei · 18/01/2011 14:13

I think it is nice to have a bit of independence and a that also means a seperate e mail account. How do you feel if your husband opens your (post) mail?

unhappyshopper · 18/01/2011 14:14

I am sure most IPS provide you with one main account and a few sub accounts too. With BT I get upto 10 email addresses.

GORGEOUSX · 18/01/2011 14:15

LadyG As you yourself said "because they don't know how to set one up of their own". There lies the answer. I'm one of those silly/ridiculous? ladies.

Truth is I've got nothing to hide, I don't know how to do it, and as I can converse on DH's email I don't see the point of bothering. Smile

TheEvilDead2 · 18/01/2011 14:18

I've seen this before but it tends to be women of a certain age ahem. And I assuem they just lack internet confidence.

Are your friends of a certain age?

polarfox · 18/01/2011 14:22

My husband set mine up- I didnt even try to do it..

I pretend I cant do most things, then he has to do them for me.. -

cantspel · 18/01/2011 14:22

My husband uses my email account as he cant be arsed to set up a seperate account of his own. He also uses my ebay and paypal account for the same reason. As to snail mail i open all the post each morning reagrdless whether it has my name on it or my husbands. We dont have secrets so it is not a problem.

starlingsintheslipstream · 18/01/2011 14:29

I often use dh's as it's always open on the laptop. I have a couple of other accounts - one for stuff like freecycle and anything that might result in loads of spam, and a seperate one for work.

Never really bothers me what other people think about it!

GORGEOUSX · 18/01/2011 14:31

LOL at Theevildead2 - I AM of a certain age, I think you're absolutely spot-on. I feel as if I've done/do enough and that's just one thing less I don't have to bother with.

I am now wondering, as a previous poster has said, if my friends are bothered by the fact that DH reads what they say. They needn't be, because he's far too busy to bother, and I'm sure he's not that interested as my friends tend not to talk about stamps, railways, the history of Britain, and what a jolly good example of great engineering the Elizabeth 2nd bridge is.

We tend to talk about sex, Jimmy Choos and events we've been to- not necessarily in that order. All very boring as far as DH is concerned Wink

narkypuffin · 18/01/2011 14:32

If you've lived for years with joint bank accounts and joint bills it probably doesn't seem odd. It's not that different to the post coming through the door really. If it's obviously a bill either person can open it, but if it's obviously a private letter to your DP you don't open it, just leave it in the inbox.

My parents have always had joint email in my father's name. Recently I set up a separate one for each of them when they changed ISP and lost the old joint account. Now my mother rather likes the idea Grin. My father still expects her to read his emails for him though, delete the junk and tell him when he's got to go out for club dinners etc. Grin

narkypuffin · 18/01/2011 14:34

I have 3 though. Work, private and junk.

starlingsintheslipstream · 18/01/2011 14:37

GORGEOUSX, I'm of a "certain age" too!! I'll bet a lot of us met our dp's before we needed ONE email account, let alone two!

JelliBelli · 18/01/2011 14:58

I don't think I am of a 'cetain age' but I guess I might be. We have shared emails and I have 2 others of my own which I don't even know if he knows exist Wink.

He sets them up, in his name, as he is much less lazy more dynamic than me. Then he is too busy to monitor them daily so I check and use them mostly. I tell him or forward to work anything I think he'll wnt to see. He'll sit and have a look through at the weekend or sometime. But the shared ones are the busiest.

We have shared bills and money so it's seems very natural to have shared email too. It would be weird to have separate. And yes I would open his personal mail although he isn't as nosey as me has better manners than me and probably wouldn't open mine. I cannot remember an occassion when we haven't shared personal mail.

ILovedYou · 18/01/2011 15:10

Might be a way of keeping an eye on hubby! A good excuse....Wink

thenameiwantedwastaken · 18/01/2011 15:13

I've noticed this too and it does always make me stop a moment TBH. I think it is if the email is the husband's name, rather than a joint one like 'thesmiths@...' It does just seem to lack identity. Like being known as Mrs. John Smith, rather than by your actual name.

And maybe part of it reminds me of how men sometimes take control of things like this as they see it as their domain - they choose the car, the PC, the ISP and the email address, which is naturally in their name but wifey is allowed to use, like she's allowed to use the older car and the cast off mobile phone when he upgrades.

Jelli, does it not bother you that you become like your husband's secretary?

Onetoomanycornettos · 18/01/2011 15:16

Obviously those with a joint or husband's email don't chat to their friends about their husbands on email.

ILovedYou · 18/01/2011 15:21

Yes that would be silly!

JelliBelli · 18/01/2011 15:27

LoL - his secretary! That's funny but I can see that how it looks from what I wrote.

No, I am not his secretary. In reality Blush I just bin the spam, read what looks juicy interesting, reply to anything that I feel the urge etc. and then I leave the rest 'for him to catch up with' so he ends up sorting out the mail to the trash/correct folder/boring niffnaff/generally unbunging the inbox. He is more like my secretary.

But I think I must have a 'consevative' outlook as I read your post and thought 'but my correct, formal name is Mrs John Smith'.

FWIW I choose the cars and am main driver as I don't let him, PCs we choose together, and he has an older phone than me.

An interesting thread as it is in fact making me consider the dynamics of how we do stuff as he does get the short straw Confused

cantspel · 18/01/2011 15:30

i chose the car, my husband doesn't even drive.
i choose the ISP as the old one pissed me off over a long waiting time for a new modem.
i set up the email addresses. One in my name which we share and one each for my boys.
I choose my own mobile.

Each to their own and whatever works for them. It is rarely a sinster case of the oppressed little woman and often just a case of what was easiest at the time.

cantspel · 18/01/2011 15:32

oh and the lappie is mine as i choose it, paid for it and love it only a little less than my children. He knows he would be dead meat if he buggered up my mac.

thenameiwantedwastaken · 18/01/2011 15:39

Sorry Jelli, I didn't mean to make you Blush

I know I was being a bit extreme saying 'secretary' and actually I also went away and thought about how I am probably too proud and out to prove a point to do something so nice for DP as get rid of his SPAM, and that you were probably a much nicer wife/partner than me!

Yeah - each to their own.

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