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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

just because DH doesn't have boobs and a fanny

42 replies

beanlet · 18/01/2011 09:13

doesn't mean he doesn't know one end of the hoover from the baby's bare bottom?

Some twat of a man - I think it was Toby Young actually - was on Radio 4 yesterday saying men were genetically programmed to be crap at childrearing and housework, which is why the government's new plan for shared maternity leave was a terrible idea.

And there do indeed seem to be quite a few MNers on here who think DHs and DPs are indeed a bit crap at these things, and so work fulltime, do all the housework and childcare, and then wonder why they are so tired.

Am I truly the only one whose DH does 2/3 to 3/4 of the housework , is a gourmet cook when my repertoire just about stretches to a jar of pesto on pasta, and is a complete genius with the baby? He stayed up all night with DS last night who is teething and very unhappy, while I put my pillow over my head.

OP posts:

TheEvilDead2 · 18/01/2011 09:18

which is why the government's new plan for shared maternity leave was a terrible idea.

Surely if someone's Dh was shit at childcare and housework they woudln't leave him in charge of the hosue and children. that doesn't even make sense!

YANBU.

Deciduousblonde · 18/01/2011 09:18

Not at all.

In fact my DH often makes me feel a bit 'redundant'. He cooks, cleans, looks after the children, changes nappies..

The only thing I won't let him near is the washing machine. He cannot get his head round the idea that I cannot abide towels being washed with my clothes.

But that's probably just me

TrillianAstra · 18/01/2011 09:19

Toby Young's raison d'etre is to be twattish and see what people say and then write/talk about the funny reactions he got.

He's not exactly an anthropologist or geneticist, is he?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 18/01/2011 09:19

YANBU. My sainted DH does a lot more housework than me. He also works full time and spends a lot of time with DD when she is getting on my tits being challenging.

RobynLou · 18/01/2011 09:19

no you are not,

DD was totally bf, so in the early days there were limits to DH's powers with her - she was boob obssessed, but EVERYTHING else he's actually better at than me.

I think often men are allowed to get away with the pretence they're incapable by women who like being in control of the house...

Original poster

beanlet · 18/01/2011 09:21

Great self-publicist though - he seems to be all over the airwaves and newsprint at the moment.

OP posts:

PlentyOfParsnips · 18/01/2011 09:21

I heard him too. What a wanker!

Should I know who Toby Young is?

pascoe28 · 18/01/2011 09:22

No, your DH is not the only one - I'm a pretty amazing example of manhood as well

To let you into a little secret - a lot of us fellas like to pretend to be rubbish at basic tasks around the house for 2 reasons - we then no longer have to do them for one, and secondly, our apparent incompetence gives Mums some small sense of superiority which maybe goes some way towards filling the void left by giving up a challenging job.

Original poster

beanlet · 18/01/2011 09:22

"I think often men are allowed to get away with the pretence they're incapable by women who like being in control of the house..."

OP posts:

linziluv · 18/01/2011 09:22

My DP is far more domesticated than me! He even irons everyone clothes much quicker than me!
He's not as clean as me but that's easily remedied!
When I had PND, he took on "mummy" role for 2 yrs and DS is a wonderful little boy!
I now work and he's a SAHD.
So I think that's bollocks, gender has nothing to do with it!

QueeferSutherland · 18/01/2011 09:23

YANBU.

My DH is a much, much better at HW than me. If I could earn what he does we'd swap in a heartbeat.

Original poster

beanlet · 18/01/2011 09:23

Plenty, only if you want to send your DCs to a new free school to do compulsory Latin and Greek.

OP posts:

RobynLou · 18/01/2011 09:25

ditto Queefer, if I could earn what DH does he'd go PT and I'd go FT in a flash, and we'd have a much cleaner house and far more cooked from scratch meals on the table at a reasonable hour!

GrimmaTheNome · 18/01/2011 09:25

secondly, our apparent incompetence gives Mums some small sense of superiority which maybe goes some way towards filling the void left by giving up a challenging job.

ah, but with the option of shared maternity leave (and it is just an option, no-ones forcing Toby-types into domesticity) then they are less likely to have to give up.

LittleMissHissyFit · 18/01/2011 09:26

But it's not about being shit at childcare and housework, this is CBA to do it.

Yes it's work, yes it's demanding but really it's not rocket science.

My BIL has been the main SAHD for the last couple of years and made a damned good job of it.

My 'H' is an italian trained chef, and before I had DS was working full time and he used to cook and tidy mostly. When I had DS, he stopped all help literally overnight.

Mind you when we went to live in Egypt, there was absolutely NO convenience food, not even frozen available to me. No tins, no chopped tomatoes, no pasta sauce. I had to cook everything from scratch.

It was a steep learning curve, but I had to do it.

If I can, so can a bloke. I can't bear the hands flailing in the air, 'Oh I'm shit at housework/cooking/picking up my own bloody boxers so I won't even try' brigade, I instantly lose all respect for people like that.

If there are 2 people in a house, there are 2 people that at least can put things back they way they found them, or pick something up that needs putting away. It takes seconds.

Deciduousblonde · 18/01/2011 09:27

''secondly, our apparent incompetence gives Mums some small sense of superiority which maybe goes some way towards filling the void left by giving up a challenging job''

Surely you mean giving up one challenging job & replacing it with an even more challenging job?

FabbyChic · 18/01/2011 09:28

I do actually prefer to do my own house, it's never as I want it otherwise.

I'm one of these that if I want it done do it myself that includes all decorating, laying floors, building cabinets etc.,

But then, I don't have a man at home! But always done everything myself when I did have.

LittleMissHissyFit · 18/01/2011 09:29

Oh yeah, my prize tosser of a 'H' reckons that it's not his JOB to look after his son, as he doesn't have tits to feed him...

GREAT, but my milk never came in, so I couldn't feed DS myself had to go to FF..... Did that mean that I got an exemption to caring for DS? Erm, No, it didn't.

knitty · 18/01/2011 09:44

DH would have made a great housewife!
Seriously though, he is bloody brilliant at cleaning(and does most of it), he can cook, though I do most of that, and he is a great dad(and that includes dealing with poo explosions and vomit and crying, not just playing when DD is happy).

Woodlands · 18/01/2011 09:56

yanbu. my dh works full time, does the hoovering, most of the cooking, the tidying, the ironing, the diy, paces the hall for hours when the baby won't settle etc. i feel bad as am on mat leave and had visions of keeping the house immaculate and serving up gourmet meals each night but the baby slightly got in the way. am managing to do more now the baby is 6 months, but i know dh appreciates what i do.

maighdlin · 18/01/2011 11:13

what an arsehole. thats the same type of crap you hear from cheating men on talk shows. men are designed to spread their seed.

useless gobshites. pity the women who put up with it.

PinkIsMyFavouriteCrayon · 18/01/2011 12:18

YANBU, DH is far better at housework than me! He is a saint, comes in from a very early shift at work, makes me my tea, plays with DD, tidys up a little, all while I moan about what a hard day I've had going to playgroup! Shame he seems incabable of getting up for her in the night, but given everything else he does, I'll excuse it

SexyDomesticatedDab · 18/01/2011 12:19

YANBU.

Ormirian · 18/01/2011 12:21

Agree.

So does DH.

I will refrain from expressing my opinion of Mr Young on MN again.

ullainga · 18/01/2011 12:24

I still remember this one party where at some point, childcare options were discussed. We said that as DH can work from home, he will be home with kids and I will go back to work.

People actually laughed . Can you imagine, a man taking care of his own kids, bloody hilarious!

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