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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think dds teacher could of been a bit more subtle

29 replies

mummypud · 17/01/2011 11:09

Ok i know the party invites subject has been done to death , i have tried to be diplomatic even trying to tell dd who is going to be 5 not to tell everyone at school she is having a party as obviolsy we cannot invite everyone... so today i go in invites in hand and dd starts putting them into the drwars of the children,,, this is i thought a nice way to do it,
noooo aperntly teacher thinks giving them out in cirlce time is far better so the children not invited can see who is invited!
I may be silly but how is this a better way? i told the teacher my concerns but she said it was a good leaning curve for them, they are 5 year olds! i know my dd would be gutted if she didnt get an ivite even if only less than half the class were invited.

OP posts:
charliesmommy · 17/01/2011 11:10

The teacher sounds a bit of a shit stirrer.

MamaMary · 17/01/2011 11:13

'Learning curve'???? How strange. The teacher is totally out of order.

choccyp1g · 17/01/2011 11:14

At least if they are given out at circle time, it is all in the open, and there is no need to waste all playtime asking each other and gloating. The teacher may be planning a few choice words to explain that parties cost money, and take up space etc.
Also, there may be friendship issues in the class so the teacher needs to see who is invited, and who is "excluded".

TheArmadillo · 17/01/2011 11:16

yanbu agree it sounds like a way to shit stir. Putting them in drawers is a much subtler way and stops the upset.

Plus why waste teachers time with handing out invitations when it could be spent doing something educaational

AgentZigzag · 17/01/2011 11:18

Very weird, but then if you're doing it through the school there's not much you can say.

It would concern me though as to what else she thinks would be a good learning curve for her class.

mutznutz · 17/01/2011 11:25

I think the teacher probably just meant that kids have to get used to that sort of thing from a very early age.

Circle time is a bit in your face though, I would've just given them to my child to hand to the kids in the playground line.

GypsyMoth · 17/01/2011 11:31

Well gets them used to it now! Ime it's later on, ages 6/7/8 that kids really start to care more. So getting them used t it early kind of nips it in the bud.

It's just the parents who need to learn to get over it then!

Original poster
mummypud · 17/01/2011 11:32

i can see what the teacher is trying to do, promote the idea that not everyone is going to be invited to everything, and maybe she is going to discuss this, but im not sure she has seen this from a 5 year olds point of view, and even from the point of view of dd who wanted to invite everyone and will now im sure have kids asking her why they were not invited.

OP posts:
GandTiceandaslice · 17/01/2011 11:34

I do think the teacher is in the wrong in this instance.
The children are ever so young.
I'm 36 & would be gutted if I was sat with a group of friends & didn't get a party invite! Blush Grin

HappyMummyOfOne · 17/01/2011 11:36

Agree with Agent, you choose to give them out via school so you cant really complain.

If only inviting a few from the class, then you could have discretely given them to the parents or child after school.

Original poster
mummypud · 17/01/2011 11:53

yes i was going to give them out after school or before but either way it would of meant everyone stood together while i handed them out, there would never of been a discreet opertunity due to where everyone stands wiaing for the class to come out, i was thinking that the class drawers was the easy option if you like...
yet anouther reason i dont think i am cut out for motherhood!! its all very stressfull! things like this scare me to death, but it would be a shame for dd to miss out.

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 17/01/2011 11:58

At 5 we did whole class parties as everyone was in reception and no established friendships as such. Easier as no one left out and most parents who hosted parties seemed to do it this way.

Last year we didnt do the whole of class as invites had been dwindling so more people choosing to invite less so didnt feel guilty. I handed the invites to parents though just prior to home time so that no children saw and although they will obviously talk about it I couldnt see a better way of doing it.

monkeyflippers · 17/01/2011 12:01

Weird teacher. I'd talk to the head.

lljkk · 17/01/2011 12:02

"promote the idea that not everyone is going to be invited to everything"...

I hate that argument.
Some children rarely or even never get invited to anything. They don't need their noses rubbed in it. Public handing out cards makes it very obvious which children get invited to lots of parties and which children get invited to few or none. All the easier to gloat or get teased about it. Very unkind.
yanbu to OP.

maxybrown · 17/01/2011 12:03

tbh, she will probably get kids asking her why they are not invited anyway - even in their drawers as bound to be one that says something along the lines of "I'm going to X's party, you're not!" You can't win, they're 5, it happens! We alwasy gave them out at hometime, when there was not much time and with other things being handed out, so it was just "John, bookbag, letter" "Felicty, bookbag, painting" and so on - we always rushed ot all along that none of them had time to make any fuss - within our ears anyway Grin

LindyHemming · 17/01/2011 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OffToNarnia · 17/01/2011 12:11

I would not be happy with my 5 year olds teacher doing that. I think happymumofone's idea good -giving out to parents before kids come out of school.

Memoo · 17/01/2011 12:13

Sorry but why not hand the invites out yourself instead of getting the teahcer to do it?

IFaithTheVasteManticore · 17/01/2011 12:13

I'd be a bit peed off if my child was being used as the test case in a bit of glum real-world social education. Fine to discuss that kind of thing in theory, but who wants their five-year-old to be the scapegoat for a lesson in exclusion?

MommyMayhem · 17/01/2011 12:17

I think it's very mean to invite some children and not others. If you can't afford to invite them all, then don't invite any of them. Being left out is heartbreaking for children.

We used to either invite the whole class to a party when our children were little, or hold a small party just for family and out-of-school friends.

Original poster
mummypud · 17/01/2011 12:23

i maybe should of gave the invites out myself , bt i thought this would be better, maybe stupidly , as i dont see many mums in the mrning and at home time all the mums gather together by the doors so would of been far more obvious , and i was trying to be discreet,
i do hope that my dd isnt used as the example, this is the 3 or 4th party sice she started school and there has never been a whole class party , i have told her that she wont always been invited to partys and not to excpect it,
i agree that there are children who are never invited and that this will only make it worse, it would be lovely to invite everyone but since she has friends out of school too it would of been to mad, im not sure i could of coped with 40 children, we have hired a room and she is having 20 children , 10 from school and 10 from outside school,that said , i would be wondering why she hadnt been invited if she came home and said her freinds had been invited, i know there is no way to avaid the politics , but i do think it is a bit silly to make an issue of it by activly telling the children they havent got one.

OP posts:
OffToNarnia · 17/01/2011 12:26

I have not done a school friend party thing yet but know I'm not going to 'get away with it' this time. It is a minefield because with a house party and friends most people [unless in a mansion]will have to limit numbers. There is 'the hire a hall' alternative, but a bit much every year. So far I have got away with family parties. Will have to think about it this year.. ho hum..

maxybrown · 17/01/2011 12:37

Mommymayhem - that is an interesting concept you have - what if your child was being bullied by someone in the class, would you still want to invite them? (aside from being able to get them in a corner and give them what for over the bullying Grin)

Not everyone can afford to invite everyone in a class - and some children go between two classes, so could mean 60 children, ridiculous. But then I am not of the mind set that every one is a winner either - sometimes you don't win, sometimes you don't get invited to things. But i do not think the teacher needs to make an issue out of either - like I said we handed them out but never once made an issue out of it and in all the years I have worked in that environment have never come across a whole class party!

prettymuchapixiegirl · 17/01/2011 13:19

How odd Confused

At my DD's school (she is Year 1), the TAs put the invites in the childrens' bookbags, so as to avoid children feeling left out or upset. I don't think giving them out in circle time is a good idea, as some parents will happily let their child invite everyone in the class except one child, or that sort of thing.

MommyMayhem · 17/01/2011 13:27

maxybrown, no I would not invite the bully or bullies, but I would invite everybody else. The maximum number in my children's class was 30. We would usually hire a hall, hire an entertainer and do the catering and party bags ourselves.

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