I'm going to try to keep to the facts and keep my emotions at bay because I want genuine, unbiased opinions here...
Necessarily LONG - SORRY!
My MIL has a very big rootweiller-cross dog who has history ie: she herself told me some years ago that this dog 'went for' my nephew. The dog didn't bite the then baby because my SIL managed to grab her DS out of the way in time.
This happened approx 8.5 years ago, and since then the dog has growled at other children, but has not tried to bite any as far as I know becasue people keep thier babies away from this dog.
The dog's problem is, according to MIL, crawling babies and very small children. My DS is quite nervous around the dog, this isn't helped by MIL joking about the situation eg "My dog is going to eat your baby for his tea!"
Yesterday we invited MIL to have Sunday dinner. She arrived with the dog, as ususal. I was out with DD (3) and DS (5) because they wanted to go out in the dark in their wellies and we all needed some fresh air.
When we got in, the dog was in the hall with the door into the kitchen/diner shut. My son opened the door to go in the kitchen diner and MIL said 'Oh (tut, DS's name), you've let the dog in.' NB - the dog is massive, and DS is 5 and was scared so don't know if he was supposed to physically try and prevent the dog somehow. I said nothing, smiled and chatted to MIL.
Later on, because my 3 and 5 year old needed to be able to walk through the hall and back again I put the dog in the utility room, as this meant that my 12 month old baby did not have to be kept in her high chair, or be constrained on an adult's knee when she wanted to be crawling around.
All was well but I was very tense, admittedly (PMT and nervous wreck about dog and baby). I tried to keep a lid on it, though.
Sometime later MIL made a comment about the dog being in the utility room so OH said to put the dog in the hall with our dog which I did.
This meant my DCs were not free to move about the house without having to open the door and walk past the dog, who was behind the door, whilst trying to stop the dog getting into the kitchen/diner. It also made me more nervous about the baby crawling around in case the dog managed to get past the DCs.
Later still another comment was made so I brought the dog into the room with us, asked MIL to hold his collar and for OH to not take his eyes off the baby. At this point I was washing up and making coffee.
When I looked down MIL was holding the dog's collar and OH was on the floor with the baby. The baby was giving the dog a cuddle in her own delightful way ie: saying "AHhhh" and putting her face on the dog's back with her arms on the dog.
I snapped at OH "WIll you get her off the dog - why are you letting her do that?."
MIL said is a very casual way "Oh he (the dog) can't be arsed with that anymore."
By this she meant he's too old to be bothered snapping at small children.
MIL has said this several times before. OH said "Oh don't be so silly, it's fine" in a very patronising way.
At these comments I snapped and said "DO you know what, I am not prepared to risk it...I am not being silly or over-reacting. How can you possibly know or guarantee that that dog won't bite my baby? (Loud voice but not shouting) How can you? You can't .. you can't possibly know! It is my maternal instinct to want to protect my baby!"
MIL took offence and left. She appeared not to care about my feelings even though she was in our house.
OH had massive go at me because I was rude to MIL. I shouted back that she has been far ruder to me on several occasions and it's never bothered him enough for him to comment on it.
I shouted that she's been rude to our children several times and he's never once defended them and that I'm sick of biting my tongue and pussy footing around her.
I shouted that it was beyond belief that he would put out daughter in such a dangerous situation whilst telling me to stop being silly..that he's spinelss...showed no concern for daughter's safety or my feelings.. that MIL put feelings for dog above my feelings and safety of her own GD... I really ranted and shouted and so did he (I'm ashamed to say in ear shot of my DCs) but I literally felt sick with rage and was shaking like a leaf.
OH's main issue was that I was rude and that "two wrongs don't make a right" ie I didn't need to stoop to her level. The argument calmed down a bit became more of a heated discussion during which OH suggested that I should phone MIL and smooth things over for his sake as he didn't want any hard feelings and it could get out of hand.
I pointed out that he shouldn't have put daughter in that situation, should have respected my feelings and should have stuck up for me on several occasions when he hasn't ever done so. I suggested it was unreasonable to ask me to phone and that either he should phone and show his support for me, or MIL should phone.
OH has since apologised several times and has said that he can see my POV and that he supports me but that he shouldn't be the one to phone MIL, it should be me.
He can not understand why am I still so angry because he has apologised, so that should be that and I shouldn't be angry.
Your thoughts please.