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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm not. Tell me what you would've said.

35 replies

doughnutty · 15/01/2011 14:54

I went next door at 3am this morning because my neighbour was playing very loud music and keeping me and DH awake. I live in a mid terrace, neighbour is on the end.

I had friends visiting with their DD and DS also in the house. I now know that all the adults in my house were awake from round 1am (when neighbour presumably came home from the pub) till I spoke to her.

When she answered her door she turned to her friend and said "It's my neighbour". I said "so you're aware you've got neighbours then. Her friend said "sorry, I'll turn it down" and went into the front room to do it.
I then said something along the lines of "if I wasn't pregnant and up in 3 hours for work I might've let it go but this isn't the first time you've done this. I presume your son isn't upstairs because if he was you'd have more consideration. You know I've got a baby so you should have some consideration for my family too. So turn the fucking music down.

She has done it a couple of times before including jumping up and down on a trampoline in the back garden (under mine and DS's bedroom windows) at 4am. But I have never openly complained about it. I'm not friendly towards her but I am civil, say hello when I see her etc.

I am moving in a few weeks so I felt less scared about complaining and feel bad to not address it before the new people move in here as they also have a young family.

So I know IANBU but am gutted I didn't really say everything I could have. What would you have said?

OP posts:
wannaBe · 15/01/2011 14:58

nothing tbh.

You weren't unreasonable to go round, but given they turned the music down before you launched into your tirade I'm not sure that swearing at her was necessarily the right approach. sorry.

yanbu to go round, yabu to swear at her.

swanandduck · 15/01/2011 14:59

YANBU if she's constantly doing it.

Friend did offer to turn it down immediately though so not sure it was necessary to say any more after that.

julybutterfly · 15/01/2011 15:00

So she came home from a night out, turned her music on loudly (probably not realising how loud it was), turned it down as soon as she was asked, but you still said that to her?

Considering you're moving soon I think you should have just left when she went to turn it down.

And YABU!

AgentZigzag · 15/01/2011 15:02

What else would you have wanted to say?? Shock

You said it was too loud, (after not complaining before) she went to turn it down, and you went on to give her a gobfull.

She was being inconsiderate, but sounded as if she took it OK and went off without mouthing off at you.

It was early in the morning, but you weren't exactly calm about it.

mincenmash · 15/01/2011 15:02

YANBU but I'd probably grin and bear it for next few weeks as by then you'll have moved.You don't want to stress yourself out when soon it will no longer be an issue and you'll be in your lovely new (quiet) house.

compo · 15/01/2011 15:03

Christ what she say back?!?

BluddyMoFo · 15/01/2011 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

humanheart · 15/01/2011 15:05

hang on a minute, you were exhausted and seriously pissed at her longstanding inconsiderate late-night knees ups. and you're moving so that got rid of any internal breakers iyswim. i'm not surprised you swore at her, even if her friend (what happens if her friend isn't there?) immediately offered to turn the music down.

sounds like some pent-up anger got unleashed, though also sounds like you were short and pithy LOL. think you handled it well in the circumstances and were quite controlled (considering you probably wanted to swing her round by her hair).

AgentZigzag · 15/01/2011 15:09

Having said what I did above, I'm the person who shouted at the top of my voice like a fishwife out of our window (not where we live now) 'TURN THE FUCKING MUSIC DOWN' at some neighbours up the road at whatever time o'clock it was Grin

Weeellll...they deserved it, and turned it down straight away Grin

TubbyDuffs · 15/01/2011 15:14

I would probably have swore at her too, lack of sleep does that to me!

BluddyMoFo · 15/01/2011 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
doughnutty · 15/01/2011 15:28

You might be right about me going on to swear but I believe I started my rant as her friend went to the front room so it would've been odd to stop mid sentence. I had been listening to the racket for the best part of 2 hours.

And it wasn't too loud it was so loud that when she opened her door her friend had to close the internal door to hear what she said to her. They certainly couldn't have been having a conversation before I arrived. I had been lying in bed and I could not only recognise the song I could hear the words!!

Also, I think it annoyed me because she didn't apologise her friend did. She just stood there looking at me. She was obviously very drunk and I am hormonal.

OP posts:
Original poster
doughnutty · 15/01/2011 15:37

So BluddyMoFo am I to believe by your comment that you think my lack of previous complaint gives her permission to be inconsiderate forever?

If I had spoken to her the first time it happened I don't think I would've been less annoyed.

Surely it is not my responsibility to complain it is hers to be a considerate neighbour.

OP posts:
Jajas · 15/01/2011 15:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlackSwan · 15/01/2011 15:53

I had a moronic neighbour who played music NON STOP day and night, when I had a newborn. Even left it on when she went out. I asked her to keep it down and she had the audacity to say it wasn't her and that she was a busy girl who worked at an investment bank so she's never home.

The punch line was when she asked "So when am I allowed to play my music?" I told her I'd report her to the Board if it happened again. No more music. She and the other tenants left soon after. Good riddance!!

YANBU. Hopefully that's the end of it.

DitaVonCheese · 15/01/2011 16:02

I don't think YWBU tbh.

We used to live next door to some extremely noisy students who were forever going out clubbing midweek then coming home in the small hours and putting on music so loud that things in our house would vibrate and people across the road would complain.

On one occasion I went over with my housemate's nice polite boyfriend. They opened the door and he said something like "Would you mind awfully turning your music down, as it is quite late and we're trying to sleep." They turned it down, we went back home and I lay in bed for the next 90 minutes, tossing and turning and inwardly fuming that they'd put us in the awkward position of having to complain in the first place.

Ninety minutes later, they turned it back up so we went back over. This time I did the talking and yelled "Would you please, please, please SHUT THE FUCK UP!". They turned the music down again and I went home and slept like a baby Grin

I am usually anti-unseemly public scenes but you're moving anyway and hopefully they'll be more considerate of their other neighbours now. Plus the combination of sleep deprivation and hormones is a deadly one, so YANBU.

sickoftheholidays · 15/01/2011 16:02

well I wouldnt have sworn, but I can understand why you were angry. i would probably have gone round and spoken to her the following day when she was sober

ZillionChocolate · 15/01/2011 16:27

3am is not the time to have a sweary row covering everything they've ever done, particularly not if the other person is drunk. You were right to complain but you went about it the wrong way.

northerngirl41 · 15/01/2011 16:43

I can totally understand why you swore, but I can't condone it. She did, after all agree to turn the music down. She wasn't purposefully trying to annoy you - otherwise she'd have slammed the door in your face and turned the music up.

Plus I'm willing to bet that your family makes noise which she doesn't like either - noise flows both ways and rather than yelling at one another, you have to figure out a way of living together or move house. Sounds like you are moving house, so just put up with it.

Lamorna · 15/01/2011 16:54

I think that you were quite right to complain BUT she said sorry and that she would turn it down. At that point I would have said 'thank you' and gone home.

mutznutz · 15/01/2011 17:00

I'm surprised your Husband or friend didn't want to go with you. You could've taken a very hard smack in the mouth for swearing at her.

tomhardyismydh · 15/01/2011 17:01

YABVU it was a friday night live and let live.

yiu had no need to swear at her as they recived your request reasonibly as her friend already had gone to turn it down

I think you where down right rude to have even gone round there in the first place. let alone swear at them.

My neighbours have on more than 4 occassions done this to me and I have lived here less than a year and I have possibly done it about 2 times, with my dd asleep in bed.

GandTiceandaslice · 15/01/2011 17:02

you had a go at her after she said she'd turn it down.
Oh dear.
Something tells me she'll play music loud now just to wind you up.

Altaira · 15/01/2011 18:03

YADNBU
They got off lightly. No way did they not realise the music was too loud. They were being rude and ignorant.

So what if you swore and ranted after she went to turn music down, they were pissed- swaering would have made sure that your message actually sunk in!

Good for you

minibmw2010 · 15/01/2011 18:07

Actually the OP had a go at her neighbour while her friend went to turn the music down. I also think it was the friend who apologised not the neighbour, so I don't think OP was being that unreasonable. Plus if she was speaking at the same time as the friend went to turn it down so its easy for things to cross over. Anyway you are moving so just forget about it.