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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up that Saturday toddler groups are only for dads?

50 replies

cokezeroandchocolate · 14/01/2011 23:17

Am a full time working mum, DS 18months goes to nursery 3 1/2 days a week (OH works from home one day a week) and luckily he LOVES his nursery.

Also as I'm a teacher at least I'm lucky to get very good hols when I can spend all my time with DS.

But it makes me cross that the only parent and toddler sessions at weekends only seem to be for dads!! I understand that most dads work full time and those that don't probably feel that they can't go along to the very 'mums-oriented' weekday groups but I feel like there's nothing for working mums!

It annoys me that the assumption is that mums either don't work or do so part time (and BTW for me it's not a lifestyle choice, it's a pay-the-mortgage choice!)

OP posts:
taintedpaint · 14/01/2011 23:26

YANBU. It does rather reinforce stereotypes doesn't it? I've never come across a dads-only toddler group though, so this is quite new to me! I understand the logic behind having such a meeting, but the exclusion is weird also.

sleepingsowell · 14/01/2011 23:27

Personally though I think your DS probably benefits more from a relaxed family weekend without the rough and tumble of groups and lots of other kids!

There's definitely a culture that weekends are family time in this country.

Largely I think that's great specially for kids.

I do understand though that it means full time working mums miss out on the 'other mum' interaction (though speaking purely personally I think this is often TOTALLY over-rated!) and I really do think from your child's point of view, he's getting enough playgroup type time during the week, harder though that may be on you!

troisgarcons · 14/01/2011 23:27

I would think it is predominantly aimed for the parent who doesnt live with the family and has w/end access rights - actually I think its rather nice they have somewhere they can go meet people in the same situation rather than dragging a kid round the park in awful weather or stuffing them full of McDs - or indeed just having to sit at home in a pokey flat because the ex has sucked every last bean out of them

Curiousmama · 14/01/2011 23:34

Yes agree probably aimed at access visits. Not sure why you'd go to a toddler group on a weekend otherwise? It was always family time when mine were little, going to NT or EH places, kiddy farms etc... Still is family time but bit different.

tomhardyismydh · 14/01/2011 23:42

can you still go. my local fathers group does invite mothers also. but they just dont go.

i looked into it when introducing contact with dd and her dad. but was made very clear that i was welcome aswell. i did not go as no other mothers did. there was one family who did go along togerher, mum dad and children.

could you start your own group? or the libary is a good place to socialise with your children at the weekend

curlymama · 14/01/2011 23:44

YANBU. During my time as a single parent there was a group like that near me, and I would have loved to have been able to go. At the time, the only difference the weekend made was that there were less other Mums around with their small children because they were all doing family things with the Daddies. Weekends can be one of the hardest times when you are a single parent, it can be a bit lonely.

gaelicsheep · 14/01/2011 23:44

I think it's rather insulting to assume it's aimed at access visits. Why not fathers taking the children out to give mum a break? And if so, it should work the other way around as well. I'm a full time working mum and it used to get to me too OP, not that there were any Saturday groups anyway. Now I'm used to going to the local toddler group (on maternity leave) and I'm going to try to keep going at least once a month. I'm encouraging DH to go the rest of the time (he's a SAHD), but he's a hard nut to crack.

tomhardyismydh · 14/01/2011 23:44

the majority of fathers at my local group where not weekend access. my dd and her dad where the about the only ones who where, infact he was a bit Hmm when i mentioned it.

SlowComfortableShrew · 14/01/2011 23:50

Yabu and they get bacon sandwiches whereas in the week we get a stale biscuit if we are lucky.

Original poster
cokezeroandchocolate · 14/01/2011 23:50

My local group has a 'family' session once a month when other family members are welcome, but the rest of the time is just for dads/grandads/uncles etc.

I'm obviously not against there being sessions where dads can get together, but having lived here for a year without knowing any other mums it would just be nice if there was a way of getting to meet people.

OP posts:
Original poster
cokezeroandchocolate · 14/01/2011 23:50

Thanks for replies BTW, sorry should have said so before....I'm new to this business!!

OP posts:
SlowComfortableShrew · 14/01/2011 23:51

Yabnu I mean. Fucking predictive text wants me to disagree with everyone.

ShoshanaBlue · 14/01/2011 23:51

My little girl came home with a notice about a dads only Saturdays group at the children's centre and she desperately wanted to go (she read the notice before I could bin it) but she couldn't understand that I couldn't take her (she has no contact with her dad) and she was very very distressed about it :(

So YANBU

Curiousmama · 14/01/2011 23:52

Is there a tumble tots locally? They may do Saturday sessions?

tomhardyismydh · 14/01/2011 23:57

op where do you live? is thee anyone locally on mn that you could meet up with.

I tend not to do too much at the weekends and always happy to meet with new mums and families etc. pm if you dont want to say here and if local we can catch up.

tomhardyismydh · 14/01/2011 23:58

soccertots.

tomhardyismydh · 15/01/2011 00:00

yeah who says dads deserve baccon sarnies and co co pops for thier groups.

Original poster
cokezeroandchocolate · 15/01/2011 00:04

Thanks for the suggestions curious and tomhardy; have had a quick look on tumble tots website but our local sessions are all weekdays. I've often thought about setting up my own group but not sure how to go about it....might have to get brave and have a go!

Shoshana that's such a shame, I hope you find something else you can do with your little girl. :)

OP posts:
Original poster
cokezeroandchocolate · 15/01/2011 00:06

Thanks, tomhardy, only just seen your most recent post cos it takes me sooooo long to compose a reply!! Am in the oxford area. Will have a look on the MN local section.

OP posts:
Curiousmama · 15/01/2011 00:07

Was going to suggest starting your own but as you work FT didn't want to be cheeky Wink

You could put an ad in local free paper for other mums to help? Or go to any local church and see if they would let you run one in their hall? It may start small but am sure once word gets round you'll get more mums ( and dads/grans etc?)

Curiousmama · 15/01/2011 00:11

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.oxfordshire.gov.uk/wps/portal/publicsite/councilservices?WCM_GLOBAL_CONTEXT=apps.oxfordshire.gov.uk/wps/wcm/connect/occ/Internet%2FCouncil+services%2FEducation+and+learning%2FEarly+years+and+childcare%2FChildcare%2FTypes+of+childcare%2FCYPF+-+EYC+-+Childcare+-+Toddler+Groups" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Bit of info here

tomhardyismydh · 15/01/2011 00:13

not local to me then im afraid but I would def put a message on local board. maybee you could start your own MN weekend, for working and single mums, groups.

all you need is a nice local church hall or sure start centre and mums to join you. a jar of coffee tea baggs and a few dozzen eggs, hell if they are having baccon sarnies Im sure you can entice the mums with poached eggs, lol.

Original poster
cokezeroandchocolate · 15/01/2011 00:15

Grin will definitely think about it. If only for the bacon sarnies!

OP posts:
Firawla · 15/01/2011 00:15

if its a surestart one maybe you can just start hinting to the people in charge that it would be nice to make it inclusive of any parent who wants to go and they may change it?
ours has a saturdays one, most of the other centres make it aimed at dad's and male carers but ours is for anyone. its worth talking to them about it, all they would need to do is change the title of it on the time table

ChippingIn · 15/01/2011 00:16

I think a weekend one for Mums & Dads would be nice too - just as you say, to hang out for a bit, meet new people etc.

I think the Dads only ones have their place as well though and not just for 'access Dads', not at all - for any Dads that want to meet other local Dads and have somewhere cheap to meet up.