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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be fed up that Saturday toddler groups are only for dads?

50 replies

cokezeroandchocolate · 14/01/2011 23:17

Am a full time working mum, DS 18months goes to nursery 3 1/2 days a week (OH works from home one day a week) and luckily he LOVES his nursery.

Also as I'm a teacher at least I'm lucky to get very good hols when I can spend all my time with DS.

But it makes me cross that the only parent and toddler sessions at weekends only seem to be for dads!! I understand that most dads work full time and those that don't probably feel that they can't go along to the very 'mums-oriented' weekday groups but I feel like there's nothing for working mums!

It annoys me that the assumption is that mums either don't work or do so part time (and BTW for me it's not a lifestyle choice, it's a pay-the-mortgage choice!)

OP posts:

Curiousmama · 15/01/2011 00:18

NCT have the mums groups but not sure if they meet on weekends?

Original poster

cokezeroandchocolate · 15/01/2011 00:24

Thanks everyone!

Am off to bed, but it's lovely to have had so many suggestions. Thanks for the Oxford link curious, was really nice of you to seek it out.

I'll def think some more about this and see what I can do about it.

Night!

OP posts:

Morloth · 15/01/2011 00:27

Are they actually 'No Women Allowed' or is it just that they are mostly attended by Dads?

DH does swimming lessons with the boys on Saturdays and it is pretty much all Dads then but there isn't a rule (well except for the rule that they all get out from under my feet on a Saturday so that I can MN do some housework in peace).

WimpleOfTheBallet · 15/01/2011 00:28

I am sure if you went along and explained they'd happily let you in.

My local saturday Dad's group would....bugger hinting...tell them!

Kewcumber · 15/01/2011 00:31

as a single paretn weekends can be difficult and there are exceptional few actvites on a weekend for younger (pre-school) children. And yes weekends are considered to be "family time" so we rarely get invited by other (married) friends.

Which I understand but it is a bit irritating to see fathers mornings advertised as such.

ChippingIn · 15/01/2011 00:55

Kew - I understand where you are coming from and I think it would be great to have more Mum & Toddler, Parent & Toddler groups - but I think the Daddy & Me groups have their place - both in the week and at weekends. Some Dads are just too self conscious to go to a toddler group in case they are the only Dad there - if it gives them a nice place to go with the kids I think it's great.

I quite like the idea of it being a Daddy & Me group one week and Mum and /or Dad group the next so that you can go along and meet both Mums & Dads.

ChippingIn · 15/01/2011 00:56

I see it a lot like a 'Local'

onadietcokebreak · 15/01/2011 01:02

I think at the least they could alternate it on a weekly basis

Eg Dads, family, dads etc

piprabbit · 15/01/2011 01:36

If you want to meet people with young children, try volunteering with your local NCT committee. The meetings will usually be a weekday evening, no children, and most people will be local and have children of a similar age to your DS.

Then, once you've made some grown-up friends you can arrange to meet with the children at the weekend.

AllGoodNamesGone · 15/01/2011 02:09

I understand as I would have loved a Saturday morning toddler group when mine were little. I was a SAHM but my DH worked weekends and Saturdays were always a very long day for me, made worse by the thought that everyone else in the world was having a nice family day - I know not true but it felt like it at the time - I hated Saturdays in fact

As others have said, though, the trouble is, if it becomes a mixed group, as more women start attending (which I am sure they would as there must be loads of women who would love something to do on a Saturday) the dads might stop going as it doesn't feel like their group anymore and then they are stuck for something to do.

It's a tricky one.

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/01/2011 08:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kewcumber · 15/01/2011 21:12

Surely any Saturday morning group is more likely to have more Dads particularly if you pick an activity which is male friendly (ir doing something rather than just drinking coffee!).

I guess I'm just not that sympathetic to men finding it hard to speak to women who are in the same boat as them (ie young children) and think they should jusy "man up" and grow a backbone

I am an older single mother in a prefominantly white middle class couply area - I have had to cope with way more than attending a childrens activity on A Saturday morning with the majority of the opposite sex there! No one has suggested that the football practices have a women only one at the weekend so women don;t get intimidated by having nasty old men around!

I'm a hard cow aren't I! I'm used to my DS's best frind (who is a girl) who goes out with her Dad on a Saturday (we sometimes get invited along) and he doesn;t really think about whether there will be mostly other women whereever they go - he's a parent, he;s going to have fun with his DD!

(There may be a hint in that grumpy post about why I'm single )

NewbeeMummy · 15/01/2011 22:28

I must admit it winds me up, I work full time and my DP is a SAHD, I did ask if I could go to the local saturday morning group and was told it was for dad's only. So as a result I don't get to do any toddler groups with my DD :(

And to make matters worse when I do take leave so I can do a couple of the groups all the mums there ask if my DP is ok, and where he is, you'd never guess that I used to go to all these groups when I was on mat leave

AllSheepareWhite · 15/01/2011 22:45

You took the words right out of my mouth OP, I am in exactly the same boat as you. DD is 18 months and stays at home with DH while I work FT as a teacher. Why can't they just make it open to whichever parent wants to take them?

Then again DH tried taking DD to a library rhyme and story time on a week day where he was the only dad, and the mums there wouldn't even let him sit down on one of the empty chairs just in case one of their friends turned up, then didn't want any of their kids to play with DD. He wouldn't go back there again as he felt so unwelcome. Maybe they started a dad's only thing so men would feel more comfortable to take their children to one of these play sessions. Making them the only session on weekends is unfair on us working mums though.

Lamorna · 15/01/2011 22:53

I'm surprised they can get away with it! I would challenge on several grounds, stay at home dads, working mums, fathers who are dead spring to mind. It is discrimination and I'm sure that they would have to open it to all if challenged.

MumNWLondon · 15/01/2011 23:39

Look for other things - eg swimming lessons / baby gym. Or just take him swimming.

LittlePushka · 15/01/2011 23:59

YABU - I think it is incredibly important for Dads to have groups that they can attend with other dads. I think that any place which gives dads this opportunity is making it much easier for Dads to primarily spend time with their children but also to create friends outside usual male circles revolving around sport/pub culture.

My DH is quite shy and is incredibly intimidated by groups of (often cliquey) women that have no male presence - he would really love a Dads group.

I'd say take a step back and maybe consider it to be a massively positive thing for kids and families. Surely there are other things you can go to...?

StewieGriffinsMom · 16/01/2011 09:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crazygracieuk · 16/01/2011 09:38

My friend set one up for mums and had working mums, single parents and mums whose partners worked weekends come along.

BellsaRinging · 16/01/2011 09:45

YANBU, I had the same issues with ds1, as I was a single parent, working full time. I would def challenge the dad's group. If it's Surestart then it's partly government funded and how does it therefore defend the discrimination? I'd like to see what an uproar was caused if dads were exluded from the other groups (I note there are none targeted in our centre for mums only). On the other hand I got round this by teaming up with other working mums from the nursery and having a regular weekend meet up with the children to do something.

Boohooyou · 16/01/2011 09:46

If the toddler sessions during the week were women only there would be an outcry.

Changeisagoodthing · 16/01/2011 09:49

Many of the Saturday groups are targeted and are about contact with children who do not live with their father. Many of them are court ordered. It is more cost effecient to have a group rather than have social services have having to provide staff to supervise 4 different contacts.

This isnt widely advertised and hopefully you don't even know who they are in the group.

moomaa · 16/01/2011 10:03

We have a Saturday Sure Start Dad's group, I know several women who get their DHs to go so they can have a peaceful Saturday morning! I think it's important because lots of Dad's don't get the experience of sole charge of their kids and it would build their confidence.

BellsaRinging - lots of the Sure Start groups in our area 'discriminate'. There are ones for Polish speakers, young mums, childminders, those with children of certain ages, that's just off the top of my head. I don't have a problem with this.

Sure Start are always asking what people want them to do for them, I think this would be an excellent idea to put forward to your local one OP.

Changeisagoodthing · 16/01/2011 10:07

Sure start is meant to be targeted at those most in need- children at risk of underachievement.

That is why groups are targeted.

It is not a nice get together for mums who would be as happy in star bucks.

mimiaye · 16/02/2011 15:40

I am a full time working mum and my husband works on Saturdays. I live in Hampshire and I have not found any toddler groups on Sats. The ones I found are for dads and when I called and enquire, I was told they are only for dads. A lost of activities classes are mainly during weekdays and extremely few ones during the weekend. I found 2 after searching for more than 1 year. I found it rather unfair that surestart (government) consider little about full time working mums.

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