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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate the Stigma of being a stay at home dad.

59 replies

DeliciousPasty · 14/01/2011 13:02

My wife earns more than me, so it makes sense that she keeps here high profile job, while I watch the kids.
I get so much stick for this, it really is hard being the only dad at the library group or play centre and people think theres somethign wrong with you, or that you're lazy for not being the one going to work and letting mummy stay at home, or think we're not as good at looking after toddlers, when we're ussually just as good or even better than mums, with advantages such as strength and stamina for house work and sharper critical thinking.
AIBU to think they should just leave me to it?

OP posts:
NewbeeMummy · 14/01/2011 13:04

YANBU - my OH is SAHD, and to be perfectly honest, I think he does a better job than I could.

I know he found it hard at first to integrate into the various groups, but stick with it and you'll hopefully find a nice group like he has where they don't actually care if you're male of female, just a nice person to be with.

woopsidaisy · 14/01/2011 13:04

Mate,I have a feeling most people here would be quite happy to stay well away from you and your warped notions.

freddiefox · 14/01/2011 13:04

Really, sharper critical thinking! wow that's a statment

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake · 14/01/2011 13:06

I think you may need to take a wee look at your 'critical thinking' powers HmmGrin

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 14/01/2011 13:08
SummerRain · 14/01/2011 13:08

I was with you until 'advantages such as strength and stamina for house work and sharper critical thinking' mate but i'm afraid you lost me with that nonsense.

Dp falls to pieces if the kids hurt themselves and can barely cope with the daily stuff, much less the chaos of extra curricular activites, birthday parties and school events... and he was a SAHD while i worked when dd was a baby!

Stereotypes are what you're complaining about so why introduce your own (flawed) stereotypes into the argument?

taffetacat · 14/01/2011 13:08

PMSL @ strength and stamina for housework and sharper critical thinking

Yeah, right.

recklesswoman · 14/01/2011 13:09

I wish my DH would call on his manly and superior 'extra strength and stamina' and wash a few dishes..

Maybe the other mums give you a wide berth because they have picked up on the fact that you think you're better than them?

Good on you for staying home with the kids but there's no need to be a dick about it!

HippyHippopotamus · 14/01/2011 13:09

stop the press! men have better stamina and sharper critical thinking than women! wtf?? i couldn't disagree more!

but, ignoring your strange views on the differences between mums and dads... I personally have tried to talk to guys when i see them at toddler groups etc and I've not had any success.

and i echo what reckless said in her last line!

abdnhiker · 14/01/2011 13:11

We've two sahds at the playgroup I run and they are both great. The discrimination against sahds is really crap - I'm sure you are doing a wonderful job. Fwiw I've gone back to work part time so dh can send more time taking care of our kids. He is home with them 1/2 a day a week but wed like him to be home more. (we also have a nanny).

TheButterflyEffect · 14/01/2011 13:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 14/01/2011 13:13

I wish my DH would use his superior stamina to push the hoover round occasionally. It can be so draining.

pascoe28 · 14/01/2011 13:13

Roll up! Roll up!! Man suggests there might be areas in which women are not the paragon of parenthood and MN is in uproar shocker!!

TheButterflyEffect · 14/01/2011 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

headfairy · 14/01/2011 13:15

Ignoring your wierd op, YANBU in principle.. I had a lovely chat with a man in a cafe a few weeks ago with his dd. He must have been quite old when she was born, I'd say he was in his 50s and she was 4. But he was very proud of being a SAHD and was obviously very good at it, she was really well behaved and well mannered.

Not sure how much stamina for housework he had or how finely tuned his critical thinking was :o

Original poster
DeliciousPasty · 14/01/2011 13:16

I didn't mean to offend, of course I'm not implying that Men are smarter than women, it's just in high pressure situations (which are often when raising the kids, am I right?) they tend to hold it together better, it's not meant to be an insult, Men just don't seem to cry about things as much (maybe something in our evolution?)

OP posts:
pascoe28 · 14/01/2011 13:18

DeliciousPasty - hilarious last post. Bang on the money, naturally, but fricking hilarious nonetheless!!

Onetoomanycornettos · 14/01/2011 13:18

I actually don't believe you. My husband stayed at home three days a week (worked the others) with my second, and he wasn't the only dad around in the library or at the playcentre, and ours is a bog standard, mixed class area. Plus he never experienced any 'stigma' (give examples?)If anything he was quite popular with the preschool bunch of ladies.

Not sure, doesn't ring true as an experience to me, perhaps you could give more details of the day to day discrimination you face...

TheButterflyEffect · 14/01/2011 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DeliciousPasty · 14/01/2011 13:19

Onetoomanycornettos, sadly I'm not attractive enough to be popular with the Stay at home Mums who don't knwo me too well :p

OP posts:
justcarrots29 · 14/01/2011 13:20

Well...you did it again. Maybe keep your mouth shut in future. Wink

Ormirian · 14/01/2011 13:20

"we're ussually just as good or even better than mums"

OK. If you say so. No reason why you shouldn't be. Bit of a generalisation though.

"with advantages such as strength and stamina for house work". Would you tell Dh that please?

" sharper critical thinking". Fuck off, There's a dear.

charliesmommy · 14/01/2011 13:21

"in high pressure situations (which are often when raising the kids, am I right?) they tend to hold it together better"

I would disagree with that... Grin

wukter · 14/01/2011 13:21

Sharper critical thinking!
What an irony - really smart people know enough not to insult those they are looking from help from Hmm

headfairy · 14/01/2011 13:21

Er...op you might want to rethink your last comment. I don't dissolve in to tears at the thought of a bit of hoovering!