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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be completely unable to manage my toddlers hair?

105 replies

WimpleOfTheBallet · 14/01/2011 10:41

I need hair help badly. She's 2 and curly...not the curliest but pretty tight ringlets...and I can't cope with it.

Im THIS far from chopping it...and I hate people who do that to tiny kids.

Evry time I try to brush it...use a tangle teaze...she FREAKS and I mean kicking, punching, scratching and biting.

Last time I got my crown knocked out as she threw herself backwards and hit me in the mouth.

I have tried

Brushing it wet
Brushing it dry
Brusing it with conditoner combed through
Kids De-tangler
Grown ups serum
Different brushes includng an afro

I cant BEAR it...it needs doing now...and I'm going to get beaten up. Sad

Should I wrap her in a towel like you do with a cat? Or is that awful? The thing is that because she throws herself round and gets hysterical she bumps her knees, head and hurts her throat yelling...it's so bad.

HELP ME!

OP posts:
twopeople · 14/01/2011 11:13

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twopeople · 14/01/2011 11:14

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altinkum · 14/01/2011 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EauRouge · 14/01/2011 11:24

Why would anyone judge you for cutting it? My 2.3 yo DD has a short bob because she hated having her hair brushed. She can have long hair if she wants to when she's older.

I agree, life is too short to fight over hair, it's not doing you or your DD any good. I cut DD's hair in the bath, I just sat behind her and distracted her with some toys and then cut it before she realised what I was doing Grin it looks really sweet and we're both happier now that we don't have the daily fight/chase with a hairbrush.

Dunoon · 14/01/2011 11:33

DD2 has long hair and we are having nightmares atm with it. I think their scalps must be very sensitive at a young age. To ease the pain:
I comb it through in the bath after washing and while it has lots of adult intensive conditioner in it.
I try and remember to braid it at night to stop a bird's nest forming at the back while she sleeps.
She always has it tied back for school.

However she is asking about having it cut 'like Amelie' so we may go with that very soon.

HettyAmaretti · 14/01/2011 11:34

Oh, and further to my campaign in favour of cutting her hair - my DD (3.1) has straight fine hair, possibly the easiest to manage hair there is. I keep it in a short bob with a fringe for both our convenience, it looks great and I've never had anything but compliments about it.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 14/01/2011 11:35

Another non judgemental person. Cut it. Generally it looks neater and nicer short. Our DD has horrible, weak, tangly, fine hair. She has to cope with it herself now. I spent far too many hours arguing about it than is healthy. I did cut around 30cm off once. She had been so horrible that I had it in a pony tail and the scissors were on the table............

OldMumsy · 14/01/2011 11:42

That's why I smacked my kids. Stands back for incoming......

GlynistheMenace · 14/01/2011 11:52

*wonders if her own mother has just logged on.....

Original poster
WimpleOfTheBallet · 14/01/2011 11:56

Eaurouge...but DDs is SO curly that when it is wet itt is down her back but when dry its already the length of a short bob...if I cut it she will have what looks like a little boys cut. I KNOW it can look cute...I just feel weird about it.

OP posts:
duchesse · 14/01/2011 11:59

Just cut it short. Life's too short to waste hours a week inflicting pain on her and yourself. Little girls look cute with short hair imo. I shall be keeping DD3's short until she's old enough to look after it herself.

LadyThompson · 14/01/2011 12:05

Have you tried a Tangle Teezer brush? I use it on my 2 yr old but originally bought it for me as I have fine, long hair which easily tangles. here

LadyThompson · 14/01/2011 12:06

OP, I am SO sorry, you already have one. Doh.

Mummy2Bookie · 14/01/2011 12:11

Does your dd have Afro/ bi racial hair?
Maybe you could try putting it into little plaits?

fatpantsandgladrags · 14/01/2011 12:14

Don't brush it. I have very thick curly hair, and so does DD1 (we both have ringlets etc). DD will let us brush hers with a tangle teezer whilst the conditioner is in. I don't use a brush or comb on mine at all because I find it makes it frizz. I may use the tangle teezer once in a blue moon, but the rest of the time I just run my fingers through it whilst washing.

Please don't cut her hair too short. I went through childhood with really short hair (I mean properly cropped short) because my mum thought my hair was "too much hassle" to keep long, and everyone thought I was a boy until I rebelled and started growing it at age 11. It wasn't nice. And having to grow it out at that age wasn't nice either! Curly hair tends to grow out rather than down until it reaches a certain length!

KaraStarbuckThrace · 14/01/2011 12:27

Wimple - I feel your pain, I have a similar problem with ds who is 3. HE is getting better, at letting me brush his hair softly and slowly with a soft brush.

I use a leave in conditioning spray to help prevent most of the tangles, but it still gets knotted in places, so I sneak up behind him and cut the lugs out! He has masses of thick, wavy, dark blond hair, it just gets a bit knotted at the back.

I'm a bit Hmm at all the posters suggesting getting her hair cut we find it nearly impossible to cut DS's hair, lots of distraction, bribery and all sorts but he goes completely off it it you go any where near him with scissors - we cut his hair when he is asleep!

I think gentle persistence is the way forward!

curlymama · 14/01/2011 12:28

No offence meant here, just my opinion, but having looked at the link of those tangle teezer things, I'm not sure they look like the best thing to use. My hair is the sort of curly that will frizz manicly if a brush goes anywhere near it while it's dry, and fingers or a wide tooth comb with big rounded ends on the prong bits (?) is definately the way to go. I know for other peoples hair they might be great, but for mine they would rip it to shreds at the ends and really damage them, which would result in more tangles that are even harder to get knots out of.

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 14/01/2011 12:29

I agree re don't brushing it.

DD has very similar sounding hair - it's my fine Caucasian hair, with a big pile of curl applied to it from her Jamaican Dad which means she has oodles of fine hair in ringlet style curls. Looks fab & everyone comments on it but it's taking some working out looking after it.

Brushing is a losing battle - have you asked grown women with similar hair how they look after it? The ones I've asked have told me I'm mad when I ask them if they brush it.

We use a spray bottle of water in the mornings to which I add some conditioner & tea tree oil. This keeps the fuzz at bay & brings the curls out nicely. We also occasionally use some hair treatment stuff her grandma buys for her - olive oil based de frizz stuff.

I only really brush it to get out knots & stop dreadlocks from forming, when we wash it which is MAX once a week. Then we brush it with oodles of conditioner on with a tangle teaser which is brilliant. DD is now 3 and she is learning that a little pain is the price for her gorgeous hair. She also LOVES the thought that her hair is long - and it's more than halfway down her back when wet and brushed out. So we take pictures for her! Bless! When it's dry it doesn't even touch her shoulders :)

tomhardyismydh · 14/01/2011 12:37

i know its not the same but may work for you. my dd has terrible infected craddle cap from time to time and the only way to get rid of it is to wait untill she is asleep and rub oil on and comb the dead skin out.

can you do it when she is asleep with a detagle spray and wide tooth comb.

valiumredhead · 14/01/2011 12:37

What Finding said - DON"T brush it! I basically do what finding does with my ds who is 9 and has longish 'cool' hair Grin Also when he washes his hair, he shampoos and rinses then rubs some conditioner through his hair BUT doesn't rinse out. You'd think it would make it greasy but it doesn't, and he leaves it to dry naturally.

Mumbybumby · 14/01/2011 12:53

Thanks for all conditioner recommendations! Good luck wimple :)

mum295 · 14/01/2011 12:55

Cut it! My DD (age 2.5) had a Russell Brand hairstyle going on and refused (still refuses) to let me brush it.

I took her to a specialist kids' hairdresser (one with a fish tank and loads of books/toys/chocolate to bribe kids into sitting still) who took one look and said "we need to cut this".

DD now has a layered haircut at the back, which looks so much better! But I can't do it myself at home and have to keep taking her back once a month (£11.50 a time). Expensive, but worth it. Do it!

I also only wash her hair once a week.

ruddynorah · 14/01/2011 13:26

You need to stop brushing it. You don't brush curly hair. You run a very wide tooth comb through when it's sopping wet and covered in conditioner. You wash it once a week only, and pep it up each morning with water spray and leave in conditioned that you spray on.

Original poster
WimpleOfTheBallet · 14/01/2011 14:01

Right...will try not brushing it. I never brushed my own in the 90s when I had a ringlet perm Blush

Makes sense thank you!

OP posts:
Mummy2Bookie · 14/01/2011 14:04

Little plaits might save you hours of frustration, plus they look good on little kids .

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