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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that people should keep their nose out of my breastfeeding business?

34 replies

poshsinglemum · 13/01/2011 21:08

DD is two. I breastfeed her at night because she was ill recently and well; it's just been hell trying to stop although I hope to very soon.

I told my childminder ages ago as she is from a culture where extended breastfeeding is the norm.

I dropped dd off at the childminders today and a new mum who now takes her dd to the cm stopped me on the path outside. She said ''cm tells me that your still breastfeeding your daughter. Dosn't it hurt with the teeth.Also can't she get to sleep on her own?''

I told her that no it dosn't and yes she can.

I was pissed off for a number of reasons. I feel like the childminder has been gossiping about me behind my back. I also feel taht this mum is one of those who feels that extending breastfeeding is disgusting and I can just imagine her gossiping about it in hushed tones.
Last but not least; it's none of her bloody business.

mabe I wouldn't feel like this if braestfeeding was the norm in our society. we can't win; if we fail to breastfeed we are told we are bad mothers; likewise if we braestfeed for too long we are wierd because titties are sexual aren't they? agggggrrrrr!

I do want to stop btw. I jsut have to be in a place whereby I can withstand the screaming at 2 am for a few nights.

OP posts:
aPixieInMyCaramelLatte · 13/01/2011 21:10

YANBU

But where the hell are all these BF threads coming from? Confused

herbietea · 13/01/2011 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

onepieceoflollipop · 13/01/2011 21:10

This is a breach of confidentiality imo. It is none of the other mother's business. I would feel concerned that the cm may not keep other issues about my children confidential.

fwiw you have done fantastically feeding for all that time. I only made it to 18 months with dd2 (last 6 months night time only) I do empathise with giving up the night weaning, it was a bit tough. :)

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 13/01/2011 21:12

Do you think taht I should approach the childminder about this. In most respects she is lovely and dd loves her but this has really pissed me off.

OP posts:
wukter · 13/01/2011 21:13

People should keep out of your business, full stop, and cm shouldn't be gossiping.

Even though my cm gossips too, but it's mostly harmless stuff. So far. Though I did hear back that my DS wore odd socks one day.

IAmTheCookieMonster · 13/01/2011 21:15

Hopefully the childminder mentioned it in a positive way "in my culture we bf for longer, like xxx is doing"

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 13/01/2011 21:15

I couldn't believe the barefaced cheek of the other mum tbh. Will definately be giving her short shrift in the future.

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 13/01/2011 21:15

I would approach her, yes, but in a very low key/informal way. I would say something like I was puzzled that the other mother was making judgmental comments about my bf, and I couldn't understand how she knew that as the cm is one of the few people who knows? Then see how she responds.

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 13/01/2011 21:15

I couldn't believe the barefaced cheek of the other mum tbh. Will definately be giving her short shrift in the future.

OP posts:
wukter · 13/01/2011 21:16

x posts. Hmmm, tough one. Ideal world, you should be able to calmly request she desists from certain behaviours. However I would be loath to do that, I'd feel I was using up a credit for a more serious matter, iykim. Could you live with and minimise a bit of gossip?

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 13/01/2011 21:16

oops

OP posts:
reelingintheyears · 13/01/2011 21:17

CM is well out of order for discussing you with other parents.
Your business when and how long you BF you child.

wukter · 13/01/2011 21:18

Yes the other mum was out of order, but that's irrelevant really to the smooth running of your life.

Cookie Monster has a point, it may have been a simple comment that so shocked the other woman she temporarily lost all her social skills.

MsKLo · 13/01/2011 21:18

You should definitely have words with childminder

That woman has a right to her views (although to me they are stupid) and you have a right to say you do not agree with her at all so do it!

Love all these bf threads!

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 13/01/2011 21:18

I can live with it; there's no shame in it. Our culture is very wierd about braestfeeding anyway. I should be proud. I only havn't stopped because it was easier to carry on. I had an awful time when I first tried to feed dd.

lollipop; the mum told me that the cm had said this.

OP posts:
wukter · 13/01/2011 21:22

Well the bf gossip is fine in itself, because you are doing a Good Thing, but what if she gossips about your DD saying 'cock' or summat, with pursed lips and a 'where did she get that from' insinuation. That's what would concern me.

doricpatter · 13/01/2011 21:23

Just wanted to add as a complete tangent that I was where you are with a night-feeding 2 year old - he selfweaned a few months later so easily I didn't even notice he'd stopped Blush. Have faith!

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 13/01/2011 21:28

Thanks doricpatter. She's obsessed with them and keeps going on about ''tickling mummies booboos''. Mabe she said that in front of them! To me it's dead cute but some are so easily shocked!

I've never found my boobs an erogenous zone so I didn't mind breastfeeding.

OP posts:
jugglingjo · 13/01/2011 21:32

I carried on BF'ing DD til she was 4.5yrs, and DS til his sixth birthday, when I escaped to the Lake District for a few days with a friend, otherwise he'd probably still be hanging off my boob ! Grin

Apparently extended breastfeeding is common in many cultures, and it felt completely natural to me/ us. As PSM said "it was easier to carry on" than not.

And obviously child initiated and continued.
( In spite of someone at DS's children's centre who said I couldn't be doing it for child's benefit Hmm)

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 13/01/2011 21:34

jugglingjo; did you get any wierd comments?

Mabe this mum was interested in carrying on herself but I think she just was in shock!

OP posts:
AuntiePickleBottom · 13/01/2011 21:36

perhaps the other mum is also a breatfeeder and was just intrested in extended breastfeeding so the childminder told her to ask for your advice.

AuntiePickleBottom · 13/01/2011 21:37

breastfeeder* typo

UnfortunateUsername · 13/01/2011 21:42

Perhaps as she's from a culture where extended breasting is normal, it didn't seem weird to her to be discussing it in such an open way. She may be really surprised that you'd have a problem with it.

jugglingjo · 13/01/2011 21:44

PSM - Not really, as it was mainly a bit of "booba" to help get DS off to sleep, or in early morning when he came in to see us for a cuddle, or perhaps when very tired or upset.
( Most negative comment I heard was from this person at the CC. Though not delighted with it I basically thought "she's wrong and ill-informed")

So after about the age of 2 or 3 I didn't really BF in public. 2+ it would only be rarely in front of other mums/friends.

As I mentioned I was cutting out day time BF'ing anyway. They can be much more persistent at night when everyone is tired, & when there are far fewer distractions !

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 13/01/2011 21:45

I think it is partly my issue as I do feel a bit wierd about it. Hypocritical aren't I? But dd is so into them and really relies on them for comfort!

OP posts:
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