To not see the difference....

[storminabuttercup]

i probably am, but i'm tired so be gentle

DP's mum has been a nightmare since ds was born 4 months ago. She is convinced that she is being pushed out of DS's life because her and i dont get on. I have never stopped her seeing DS, in the first few weeks she would be round every day hours at a time with me making cups of tea and playing hostess when i wanted to sleeeeep!

anyway last month she had issue with the fact that DP never took DS to visit at her house and that she always came here, so DP took to popping round (she lives 2 min walk away) with ds having an hour there.

So today DP says mum is coming here as soon as dp gets home from work, which would normally be fine, but I'm not feeling great, DS had me up all night, the house is a tip and i just wanted DP to take over when he gets in so i can have a nice soak in the bath.

So i suggest he goes there, but has said no because his mum hasnt been here for a while...

surely if she gets to spend time with DS and DP it doesnt matter? i dont see the difference....

I think what ever i suggested it'd be 'pushing her out'

this is so trivial but i'm post menstrual

She sounds like a right bloody nightmare.

I'm a bit of the opinion that if you are going to be accused of doing something and thought badly of, you might as well be doing it!!

Go and have your bath tonight - text DH to bring you anything you need, snuggle up in bed with a good book.

Next time she starts on with stuff like the going for a walk and she twists your words - just agree with her (so in your example - when she says 'So you wont let me' say 'Yes that's right, I wont let you take baby out in the rain, glad you understand, have a nice day byeeeeeeeeeeee'.

If DH says why wouldn't you let Mum see DS today tell him that you invited her to your house but she only wanted to come if she could take him out in the rain and you weren't having that. Job done.

Eventually when it impacts him he will see she's bonkers.

There's nothing like Grandparent rivalry is there! It's not pretty!!

You know, without mumsnet i'd still be wondering if i was just a biatch!

Turns out i'm normal and not unreasonable

whoooop.

and start screening your calls...don't answer the phone to her all the time..get an answer machine, and then if you dont go out just tell DP you did't hear the phone

Tell DP that he and MIL can spend the evening cleaning the house while you sleep.

I hope it's gone ok and you've managed hide out!

I think you've got to grow a thick skin and be ruthless with her. I'd take her comments at face value.

MIL on Phone 'hi storm, can i take baby storm for a walk'
Me 'i dont think thats a good idea, its raining, id prefer if you wanted to see him you stay indoors'
MIL 'well if you wont let me thats fine'
Me: Oh good, I'm glad you're fine with that, that's lovely then, were you calling about anything else?

Um. If you really really think that your dp would choose your mum over you, then you need to do some serious talking with him. You have more problems than your MIL, if you meant that.

OP... Can you got up to bed when your partner gets home? His mother and he can then spend time with the baby and you get a break for a bath, nap, whatever.

What is it with bloody MILs. YANBU. Although there's probably not much you can do about her other than move to the otherside of the universe.
I feel your pain.

well thanks for all your advice, i made a cuppa and had a nice hot bath, she stayed over an hour although dp had to tell her to go as we wanted to have dinner, bath ds etc(she brought her slippers i think she planned on spending the evening)

fruitful, i think that may have been a bit hasty, i really dont know what he'd do, shes so needy, just hope it never comes to that.

thanks all - needed to vent today and got some great support!

aaaggghhhh

sorry only half way down the thread but felt the need.

He's your baby, she's had her turn and another aaaaggghhh as she gets worse.

I think deemented found a website with some umbilical cord cutters for manshapes mam, may be they would help.

I think you have to keep it short. things like, no that's not possible. and repeat repeat repeat ad nauseum.

dp is not being fair to you. you are being very reasonable to have let her see you so much.

we never have mil here as it causes too many fights with the stress. We always meet on neutral territory.

try telling dp that you feel second best and that now you are together (and have a dc) then he should be putting your needs first.

If she tried to arrange too come round when you have said no, I would make a point and take dc and go off to do whatever you were doing anyway.

Your MiL brought her slippers with her???WTF!!! What next? Hot waterbottle?