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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the registrar should mind her own business?

76 replies

DaraMahini · 13/01/2011 12:21

Registered my daughter's bith this morning. As you know, my husband passed away 4 months ago. I was on my own.

  1. The registrar commented that my daughter looks older than 6 weeks (she's 4 weeks)
  1. She asked about the dad. I explained. She said "There isn't much point putting his name on the birth certificate" I almost burst into tears. He is still the father, whether he is here or not :(
  1. She commented on my daughters name. Her name is Adanna Benita. The stupid woman commented on "all these foreign names" she comes across. Adanna is african for "fathers daughter" My husbands name was BEN, hence BENita. Benita is spanish and means BLESSED. My mother's family originate from Africa, my father's from Spain (and I'm French!). The name is PERFECT for my little girl.
  1. I commented on my way out that I didn't like her attitude. She said "I'm just doing my job"... wow.

AIBU??

OP posts:
NeedMenInWhiteCoats · 13/01/2011 18:04

I am amazed at your strength managing to register your daughter when confronted with such a cow, I would have turned and fled. Please complain in writing and follow it up with a call or two - what she said was unforgivable.

ThatllDoPig · 13/01/2011 18:23

You should print this thread out and include it in your complaint. They will know that you aren't alone, and any one of us would be doing the same thing.

Be brave and strong for your daughter.
Come on here for support as much as you need to. So sorry for what you are going through.

BlueFergie · 13/01/2011 18:38

Unbelievable. What an absoloute cow. Insensitive, rude, racist. The names are beautiful.

I am so sorry for your loss. Congratulations on your DD. I hope you are managing OK. It must be a very tough time.

And thingumy after reading this post the only thing you could comment on was the use of her DDs name. Really?

Littlefish · 13/01/2011 18:43

Can we help you write the letter of complaint?

There are lots of good complainey letter writers on here!

FattyArbuckel · 13/01/2011 18:52

OMG I am sorry you had to go through this and I think you should defnitely complain.

Your dd's name is perfect

I am so sorry for your loss

MsKLo · 13/01/2011 18:58

Yanbu at all
The name is beautiful - so beautiful

Of course his name should be on the certificate

Please complain about this awful woman

How are you after your last thread? I hope you are gaining strength from your daughter x

PhishFoodAddiction · 13/01/2011 19:11

YADNBU, what an insensitive old cowbag that woman was.

Definitely complain about her.

Hope you got your DH's name on the birth certificate. So sorry for your loss.

Your daughter's name is beautiful and has special meaning too. Congratulations on her arrival.

tigitigi · 13/01/2011 19:21

What a dreadful woman.

When you complain to the council (and you should)! Copy in your local councillor and your MP as well. As a pp said the comment on age was just talk but the rest was hurtful, unacceptable, racist and downright rude. What she thought of the name (which is beautiful by the way) she had no right to make any negative comment, some European countries have rules on names - we are not one of them.

Congratulations on your little girl and I am so sorry for your loss.

Rhinestone · 13/01/2011 20:36

Definitely complain. It will be taken seriously I assure you.

(Used to work for a County Council.)

LucyGoose · 13/01/2011 21:51

What a nasty old bitch - pls complain, she owes you an apology!

oldraver · 13/01/2011 23:51

Crikey what dreadful comments. I was shouted at by the registrar when I went to do DS1. My nurse showed me to her office and said to go in but she already had some people in with her. When it was my turn she gave me a lecture about confidentiality which I understand but there was no need to shout, even the other parents were shocked. She then told me the spelling of DS's middle name was wrong, I was a bit surprised so she looked it up and said "see its spelled like this". I told he I had always spelled it like that (for Uncle and friend) so she told me "well you have been wrong all these years havn't you". I actually thought for a minute I had to spell it like she said until I pushe dthe issue and was told of course you CAN spell it how you want. I dont know why these kind of people feel the need to be like this. I think it totally spoiled what should of been a special occasion. The registrar for DS2 was a lovley woman turned out to be a friend of a neighbour and still asks after DS

Dara.. did she put his name on in the end ?

Andrewofgg · 14/01/2011 11:01

Complain. Raise fifty sorts of hell. Inquisitive, impertinent bitch.

dinkystinky · 14/01/2011 11:09

YANBU in the slightest - please do complain as and when you feel able to.

Greeninkmama · 14/01/2011 11:20

Dara, YADNBU and everyone is quite right to be outraged on your behalf (I am too). But don't feel you need to complain if you can't face it - complaining takes up energy and you may not have that right now. Hope you are enjoying your baby. xxxx

JamieLeeCurtis · 14/01/2011 11:27

LucyGoose - sorry to get all pedantic, but does it say anywhere the registrar was old?

Boohooyou · 14/01/2011 11:36

You are right the names are PERFECT for your little girl.
They are beautiful without knowing the meaning and knowing what they mean and your situation you couldn't have picked a more perfect name.
They sound lovely when you say them together aswell.
Have you picked up on the fact yet that I LOVE the names!

The registrar was a racist, ignorant bitter old cow.
It's easy to email a complaint and people on here will happily compose one for you so you just copy, paste and send.
Personally I think it will make you feel a bit better instead of raging about this for yeas to come.

I am so sorry for your loss, what a difficult time for you.

usernamechanged345 · 14/01/2011 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MungBeans · 14/01/2011 11:56

YANBU.

Your daughter's name is beautiful.

jenga079 · 14/01/2011 12:07

Outrageous! I followed a couple of your earlier posts and really feel for you. I'm so happy that you found such a perfect name. It really is gorgeous. I hope you and your daughter are happy and getting all the support you need.

JBellingham · 14/01/2011 12:16

Were you married or living together? The registrar has a duty to make sure names are not inappropriate but not to comment on the taste of them.

Original poster
DaraMahini · 14/01/2011 12:18

Thank you for your support. I am going to write a complaint.

JBellingham, we were married.

OP posts:
JBellingham · 14/01/2011 12:22

I think you should complain loudly.

lovelymumma · 14/01/2011 12:25

Definately complain,and let them know that you'll be taking it to the local newspaper if you do not get the fathers name on the birth certificate.I'm so sorry for what you have had to go through recently.Sounds like she's a bitter woman who shouldn't be doing such a sensitive job.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 17/01/2011 12:35

Dara so glad you are going to complain. Smile

RunawayFishWife · 17/01/2011 12:55

Sorry for your loss.

Please report this stupid woman

Also I hope you did get your husbands name on the certificate