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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it me?

36 replies

slopingsite · 13/01/2011 12:02

Or is it a bit unreasonable to turn the heating on full blast when at someone else's house?

Basically in-laws look after DS at our home each Monday whilst we are at work. We never asked them to do this, they offered and offered, and realistically we had no alternative to accept. Plus Ds enjoys it (I think) and it saves us a day's childcare per week. I am grateful for this.

My gripe is that they put the heating of full blast whilst they are here until it is excessively and, in my view unpleasantly hot. DS is a Toddler and frequently is pink-faced and over-heated when we return. Like most children he gets grumpy and unhappy when too hot. I don't usually see the in-laws as my husband is home first. When I have been the first home I usually comment (politely) about the heat and say something to DS like 'look at your pink cheeks - you must be hot - shall we take some clothes off" (and then quickly nip to turn the heating off!)

On Monday it was 10 degrees outside. I had small talk with FIL in morning about how much warmer it was.

When i got home house even more boiling than usual. PIL had gone home, but DH said the fire was lit when he got home! Our sitting room is small and has two radiators, it is seldom cold in there. There is a stove, but if it is lit you have to turn off the radiators or it quickly overheats. Needless to say they were on full blast too. I don't think I'm one of these people who are mean about the heating. And I always heat the house much more than usual when PIL are coming because I know what they're like.

But is it not unreasonable to turn up the heating full whack (and light a fire uninvited) at someone else's house when you're not paying the fuel bill? Personally I would not dream of doing this. If it was too cold (and my house isn't) I would rather shiver/wear extra clothes.

If you think IABU, can you explain why I find this quite so irritating? Could it be because FIL is very sniffy about some of my habits which he considers to be environmentally unfriendly?

I am off out shortly, but will be back later to hear how dreadfully mean I am .

OP posts:

kreecherlivesupstairs · 13/01/2011 12:09

No YANBU, BUT old people do feel the cold much more than young ones.
My very active and fit parents have a bungalow like a hot house. I think it stems back to the war when fuel was in short supply or it could be a form of showing off. We were one of the first in our road to have central heating when I grew up.
I would have a word with them about it.

FabbyChic · 13/01/2011 12:11

Turn the radiator valves down so rather than be on five they are on 1, so even having the heating on won't produce massive amounts of heat from the radiators.

headfairy · 13/01/2011 12:12

For a minute I thought your ILs were looking after your dcs in their house in which case YABU, however as it's in your house I think YANBU. Its reasonable for them to want a bit of heating on during the day, especially as Kreecher says, older people feel the cold more. But heating to tropical level is really expensive. I think you need to be more direct than just chatting about the weather. Perhaps tell them you can't afford to heat the house so much and that unless they're feeling really cold, you'd rather they kept it at a lower temperature.

Hullygully · 13/01/2011 12:12

I think you're a bit odd

Plumm · 13/01/2011 12:13

Tell them DS gets too hot and ask them not to do it.

MommyMayhem · 13/01/2011 12:15

I think YABU. As they are looking after your son, it is not fair to expect them to be cold just because you don't like it hot.

BuntyPenfold · 13/01/2011 12:17

my mother often says she is cold, when I am comfortably warm, I suppose because she sits over a gas fire most days.

would they light the fire if it wasn't laid ready? hide the matches too.

inchhighprivateeye · 13/01/2011 12:17

So you're saying you'd rather they shiver?

Yes it is a bit rude on their part, but they most likely feel the cold differently to you, plus they are probably focused on keeping DS warm. For free childcare and the sake of family relations, I think you have to suck it up.

DanceInTheDark · 13/01/2011 12:19

I think YABU. They are looking after your child in his own environment. They are entitled to be as warm as they want!

Eliza70 · 13/01/2011 12:23

People feel the feel the cold differently. My sisters house is always colder than mine. If I babysit for them I wear a jumper but I also put the heat on. Why don't you just ask them if they find your house cold and workout a solution like having one room baking hot for them. As others have said older people do feel the cold more.

mommmmyof2 · 13/01/2011 12:24

They should not have to sit in a cold as that is not nice and your ds would be cold too, however they don't need to go ott on it! As you said it is not too cold at the minute so they could turn it on for a while then turn it off, nothing wrong in that.But yes the bill is going to be high if this carries on and there is nothing wrong in just politly asking them to keep it to a minimun.
But it is hard I guess to say it without causing offence, Good luck

MommyMayhem · 13/01/2011 12:25

I cannot bear to be cold. In fact, I am sitting here in the desert right now with a fan heater going next to me.

curlymama · 13/01/2011 12:29

I think you just have to lump it tbh, look at it as the cost of childcare.

People do feel the cold differently.

Deliaskis · 13/01/2011 12:29

I can understand why it annoys you, but I think if they're looking after your DS for free in your house, then they really should be able to have the house warmer if that's how they like it. People really do feel the cold differently. And of course they're not the ones paying the bill, but they are looking after your child! Not wanting them to use the heating is a lot like not wanting them to help themselves to a cup of tea or a sandwich.

The only aspect of this that is perhaps more justified is if you are genuinely concerned for your DC's health when he gets too hot.

feistychickfightingthebull · 13/01/2011 12:31

YABU, yes your DC might be a bit hot and flustered but it is hardly the end of the world. I just find it bizarre that it could annoy so much that you would start a thread about it when they are looking after your DS for you so well. Life is about give and take, surely the heating is a small thing you can easily get over, given that your IL's are doing so much for you. As other posters have said, maybe they feel the cold more than you - I know that in my staff room I am always the one who is shivering in the corner all the time while others are in vests....

Would you rather send your DC to nursery so that you can come back home to a cold house then you would be happy?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/01/2011 12:33

YABU, my auntie does the same for me in our house and I always put the heating on all day for her.

Sassybeast · 13/01/2011 12:36

Well you could also deduct a little from what you pay them for looking after your son and use that to pay for the fuel.

bumperella · 13/01/2011 12:36

Sorry, but I think YABU. They are looking after your child, and the heating costs will not be higher than the alternative childcare costs.
I can see how you find it irritating, but IMO if you're happy to trust someone in that situation then you have to let them do basic things to make themselves comfortable in your home.

ILovedYou · 13/01/2011 12:50

YADBVU

Original poster

slopingsite · 13/01/2011 12:51

Ooh - just popped back and look at all these responses!

They do seem to have it VERY hot. when you walk in it is "fucking hell it's hot in here" type hot. I've got elderley relatives who are heat freaks and do appreciate that they feel it more than me.

I put the sitting room radiators on full blast for them, and I don't think turning radiators down slightly would work, think they would just turn them up/light fire.

For the record I don't actually think they are uncomfortably cold, just think they prefer it very hot. Which is probably why it cheeses me off a bit.

I get that it's nice to have a roaring fire in January, and don't begrudge them this - but turn the heating down a bit FGS.

It certainly not too cold for DS (before they turn heating up). And I have previously had to open windows in his bedroom before I've put him to bed, because I've felt it was just too hot for a child's bedroom. I often now turn the heating off in his room before they come.

I've no real intention of broaching this with them, as it is not likely to resolve anything and likely to cause offence. I agree with inchhigh that i'm just going to have to suck it up!

OP posts:

tomhardyismydh · 13/01/2011 13:06

if they are looking after dc for free than YABU.

olderandwider · 13/01/2011 13:18

I hate hot houses but old folk do seem to like it tropical (which begs the question how did they manage in the days before central heating?)

Anyway, I think you need to suck it up, or jam your thermostat somehow so that they can't jack up the heating too much. Imo anything above 23/24C is excessive (our house thermostat is set at 19C but our house is old and drafty and v. expensive to heat so we wear jumpers rather than wack up the thermostat!).

meantosay · 13/01/2011 13:43

I nearly melt with the heat when I'm in my parents house, but often my mother will then say 'does anyone think it's a bit chilly. Will I turn the heating up'? so I do think older people feel the cold more. I presume your PILs would not turn the heat up to a degree that they feel uncomfortably hot with, so it is obviously at the temperature they find comfortable.

lazylula · 13/01/2011 13:53

I think YABU, yes they are in your house, but they are looking after your child and are putting the heating up while you are not there. It would be UR if they were doing while you are there, if they were staying as visitors. If you are concerned about ds over heating put him in a t shirt and jumper or cardigan and ask them to remove the top layer if they see his cheeks pink up and they have turned the heating up. Older peoplke feel the cold more than a younger person and cold is just as dangerous to them as over heating is to a young child.

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 13/01/2011 14:06

DP would have the heating up at least 5 degrees from where I have it, if not more. I find it unbearable. I can barely stay awake at his Mum's house in the winter the heating is so high. People are different.

It's a small price to pay for the day's childcare. I think you need to suck it up & accept they like a warmer house than you do & they should feel comfortable when there alone for the day. You can turn it down, open windows etc when you get home - it's your house so that's OK!

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