Is it me?

[slopingsite]

Or is it a bit unreasonable to turn the heating on full blast when at someone else's house?

Basically in-laws look after DS at our home each Monday whilst we are at work. We never asked them to do this, they offered and offered, and realistically we had no alternative to accept. Plus Ds enjoys it (I think) and it saves us a day's childcare per week. I am grateful for this.

My gripe is that they put the heating of full blast whilst they are here until it is excessively and, in my view unpleasantly hot. DS is a Toddler and frequently is pink-faced and over-heated when we return. Like most children he gets grumpy and unhappy when too hot. I don't usually see the in-laws as my husband is home first. When I have been the first home I usually comment (politely) about the heat and say something to DS like 'look at your pink cheeks - you must be hot - shall we take some clothes off" (and then quickly nip to turn the heating off!)

On Monday it was 10 degrees outside. I had small talk with FIL in morning about how much warmer it was.

When i got home house even more boiling than usual. PIL had gone home, but DH said the fire was lit when he got home! Our sitting room is small and has two radiators, it is seldom cold in there. There is a stove, but if it is lit you have to turn off the radiators or it quickly overheats. Needless to say they were on full blast too. I don't think I'm one of these people who are mean about the heating. And I always heat the house much more than usual when PIL are coming because I know what they're like.

But is it not unreasonable to turn up the heating full whack (and light a fire uninvited) at someone else's house when you're not paying the fuel bill? Personally I would not dream of doing this. If it was too cold (and my house isn't) I would rather shiver/wear extra clothes.

If you think IABU, can you explain why I find this quite so irritating? Could it be because FIL is very sniffy about some of my habits which he considers to be environmentally unfriendly?

I am off out shortly, but will be back later to hear how dreadfully mean I am .

I think the OP is saying that the house is like a furnace, different from being warmer than she would usually like it. My house gets like this if I'm not careful, it's horrible. OP - can you turn the temp of the radiators down on the front of your boiler, and also twist the nobs on their side? Also dress your DS is shorts/t-shirt/ just a nappy?

I think YABU.

Speaking as someone who really feels the cold (maybe I'm just one of the 'old folk' mentioned that apparantly do) I sympathise with them if they are feeling cold and are there all day.

No matter how warm you think it is - it's one of those personal things in which everyone can quite legitimately have a different pov.

And they are looking after your son regularly every week for a day. I find it odd you feel they should be 'invited' to put the fire on under those circumstances, that they ought to shiver or that you refer to yourself in terms of them remotely as 'someone else's house'. They are not just any old Tom Dick or Harry. They are your family helping out

if it's too hot for your ds, i think it fair to say to them that he gets grumpy. do you have a thermostat, and suggest that they keep it within a certain range, or at least make sure that they take some of his clothing off if it gets hotter? if they really need it that temp, fair enough, but your ds should also be happy.

don't know how old they are but a certain age think that it's necessary to keep babies warm as if they'll expire if cold air touches them. of course, that was from before central heating, so it was based on a different ambient temp.

i think i'd be like you - grateful for the childcare, annoyed about the heating.

YABU.

I turn the heating up for my mum when she looks after DS at my house, as I know she finds it uncomfortably cold at the temp. we usually have it.

I can see this from both sides.

My own parents love the heat on full blast wherever they are. At their house dh and I sleep with the bedroom window properly open even if it is minus temp outside!

When they are here I do turn the heat on far higher than we ever have it, and find it overpowering (say around 22, but they find this chilly)

They looked after dcs one mild November weekend (disclaimer I was immensely grateful) but when we came back we had to open all doors/windows when they had gone!

otoh I have babysat in the past for people (usually slightly older friends) who are happy to accept my free babysitting, but not enough so they would actually have the heating on for me (or not timed to go off at 930 or whenever they presumably go to bed themselves!)

Can I also point out that when you come in from outside, the house will seem really warm, but once you are sitting around for a while, it can feel chilly. I often come in, think 'goodness it's warm in here' but if I'm sitting working at home, get quite cold. So, bear that in mind, as being a bit older, or just being different than you, they may be getting chilly sitting around in the afternoon.

I don't think there is a solution here, BTW, if you want the childcare, and the lovely contact between gps and your son, then it probably is the price to pay. If the heating and his overheating is a bigger deal to you, you could think about him going to nursery that extra day (although many nurseries and certainly schools are very hot as they set it to one temp whatever the weather, and if it warms up outside, it can be boiling for my two with their wooly tights and sweatshirts on).

So yes IABU. Fine, I'm sure you've got a point.
However, in mitigation, please note:
? I do put the heating on for them. Much warmer than I would have it myself. The house, despite what some of you have imagined, is not cold.
?. These are not (as some of you have imagined) elderly or infirm . They are people in their early sixties, in good health.
? I'm not actually going to do anything about this as I can see it will do more harm than good.

Thank you though for your views. All I can say is that it's a good job that not all mumsnetters are as pure in thought and deed as some
posters on this thread, or there would be no need for the AIBU boards.
?

Can I ask what they wear?!

If they are in jumpers with the heating up then, fair enough they probs need to heating on.

BUT if they are in tshirts then they probably could put a jumper on.

Some people like to have it so hot in the house they can sit around in their underpants, even in winter...

I sympathise slopingsite my parents are just the same - the last time they were in the house with the kids they turned the thermostat up to 30 and we were hit by a wall of heat when we opened the front door. They aren't poor frail old folk who feel the cold they are just used to a boiling hot house. DH would be aghast at that level of heating on a regular basis and would certainly tamper with radiators/ thermostats to stop them doing it.

lets skip all this crap - you want free child care? y0ou take the rough with the smooth. when you can afford to pay an employee instead of relying on the goodwill of older relatives - who may feel the cold - then you can gripe and moan.

Good luck in your search for paid child care you trust - and of course may you have the words to tell your in-laws they are useless guardians who run up your lekkie bill.

turn off the radiators in all the other rooms?

I'd be annoyed too, but you have to look whether it is cheaper to heat the house to their temperature or buy in child care.

perhaps you could have a word about the expense if they would respond to that. talk about the radiators getting too hot and risking burning ds?

good luck!