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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think "bloody" is not a swear word?

106 replies

MummyO3 · 12/01/2011 19:51

my son is in primary 2 ... aged 6 (just turned) ... and is on a behaviour chart, due to some extreme behaviour.(adhd)

now when he gets all six stars for the day we make a big fuss of him...

6 periods of time, if all rules kept he gets a star for that period of time... rules are 1. no agressive behaviour in the class or playground...2. listen to my teacher and do what is asked...3.put my hand up and wait to talk to my teacher...

so today he comes home with 5 stars and a number 1 Hmm it states, sent to depute for using bad language....

imo bloody isnt bad language, now the school have said he said bloody, just randomly, nothing else with it, so not like he said bloody hell etc (catholic school, so could understand them being annoyed about that) but i dont get why the school has reacted over this Hmm

AIBU?

i have scored the one out on his chart and put a star, i refuse to punish him for that, and noted on the chart, "sorry but i dont think the word used is a "swear" word etc and i think its very unfair that he has had a number 1 for this rather than just speaking with us about it"

as 5 stars are 5 stars he gets the pocket money earned but 6 stars is a big differnce cause he haas gotten them all, now i am by no means soft on my son, i will be the first to punish him if he is wrong, but i dont think he is Confused

WWUD?

thanks :)

OP posts:
PigValentine · 12/01/2011 20:15

Bloody is one of the few proper "swear" words - it's a contraction of the oath, "By our lady." The lady in question being the Virgin Mary. Catholic school, you say...Grin

undercovamutha · 12/01/2011 20:15

It all depends on context and manner in which it was said IMO, which you can't be sure of if you weren't there.

FWIW, I have tried to explain the whole context thing to my DD (4) recently. For example have told her that it is okay to say 'my bum is cold' but not okay to shout 'bum' at someone IYSWIM!

May be worth delving into what happened a bit further with the school.

PigValentine · 12/01/2011 20:17

I meant to add, in all seriousness, if he just said it randomly, completely out of context, then I think YANBU. Things like swearing become more attractive to children when you make a fuss of them.

MirandaGoshawk · 12/01/2011 20:19

It's swearing. You wouldn't say it to the Queen, would you?

As for the OP's DS, if he was doing something and then said "Bloody", sounds to me how you would use "Damn" or similar, so is used in a swearing context.

HelenBa · 12/01/2011 20:21

I would consider it a swear word but that doesn't mean your DS was swearing - it all depends on context - when i was a kid I got into v serious trouble for calling someone a twat but had no idea what it meant, I just mixed up twit and prat. Think it was a few years before I found out what I had done wrong!!

Original poster
MummyO3 · 12/01/2011 20:22

he did just say it randomly, the school stated that x

OP posts:
justonemorethen · 12/01/2011 20:25

well it's not language you'd want a child to use and I think they were right to pull him up on it.

However when I was an Au Pair in America the family I worked for thought it was really cute and fell about laughing when I accidentially used it. Apparently bloody hell with an Englsih accent is quite a classy cuss. Bearing in mine some of the grim stuff they use i can see why though...

jugglingjo · 12/01/2011 20:26

Couldn't completely get my head around the star system, but my thoughts anyway...

I think more than being unreasonable you are having a slight loss of perspective.

As your DS has ADHD this kind of issue may come up a lot, and I feel you need to stay working closely with his school as much as you can.

I'd say what he said is swearing, but swearing without aggression isn't something I take extremely seriously - I think there are worse things - basically being unkind, aggresive or fighting.

I think you should back up the school as much as possible, but I don't see why that would mean you have to "punish him"

He didn't behave perfectly today. But tomorrow's another day !

Original poster
MummyO3 · 12/01/2011 20:29

tbh his school are useless with helping, and we have people from a special school that come in and help, they have to back our corner as the school doesnt/ wont listen to us, we asked for a behaviour chart, they put him on it for 1 week and we seen a difference and they took him off it Hmm and wouldnt start it again as it was too much hassle, but the people we work with managed to get it back for us, but its a constant battle, but again thank you for all the opinions on this :)

OP posts:
montymum · 12/01/2011 20:29

Again I feel in schools it would be classed as mild swearing- certainly in my class (Y2) if a child used the word all the others would pick up on it as a 'bad' word and I would remind them that it wasn't language we use in school unless we are describing something with blood on it as it can offend other people. I agree that it probably didn't warrant the lose of a star, however I am not sure that you crossing out the 1 and replacing with a star is sending a message to your child that you and the school are working together. I would have perhaps explained to ds that some people may find the word offensive (even if you as a family do not) which is probably why he didn't get his star and then speak to the teacher tomorrow explaining your concerns over the use of the word and that perhaps the loss of the star was an overreaction. But hey isn't hindsite a wonderful thing. Just remind your son tomorrow is another day and it could be a six star day x

FrequentNutter · 12/01/2011 20:30

I think bloody is swearing.

My son is 17 and he doesn't even say it.

AgentZigzag · 12/01/2011 20:31

Of course if you don't want to think you're BU then you won't think you are.

But as everyone's saying bloody is a swear word, unless saying something is covered in blood, whenever it's used, then perhaps you're wrong OP?

Original poster
MummyO3 · 12/01/2011 20:34

i have never said i am not being unreasonable :( i merely asked opinions

i am thankful for the opinions and i did say to him his school obv dont like him saying it so not to iykwim

im heading off now but thanks :)

OP posts:
montymum · 12/01/2011 20:35

sorry x posts. Hope you and the school can get the behaviour chart working for you all especially if it seems to be having a positive impact on your son. Good luck

pranma · 12/01/2011 20:38

it is swearing imho-not the worst but not appropriate language for a 6yr old
it is a corruption of 'by Our Lady' so a Catholic school certainly wouldnt approve of it

charliesmommy · 12/01/2011 20:41

If he just sat there and said "bloody", totally randomly, no other words, and for no reason.. then maybe you should be getting him checked out for mild tourettes too...

justcarrots29 · 12/01/2011 20:48

Perhaps he just said 'bloody' and then stopped himself from saying the 'hell' etc because he knew it was wrong?? He may have been just about to fully swear and stopped himself. I have done that a few times like 'for fu...sake' etc

mummyshreddingnora · 12/01/2011 20:58

I would say its a mild swear word in an adult, nothing major

however - there are many words which aren't considered swear words that I feel are inappropriate in a child that age... if dd said bloody / bugger or similar she would be in big trouble!
I can't even think of the examples I have had in the past, but somethings just sound nasty coming out of little mouths I find

RRocks · 12/01/2011 20:59

Bloody is swearing of the religious type rather than the body or bodily function type (when it's not an adjective describing something covered in blood). A bit like exclaiming 'Christ!' or 'Jesus!' However, there are all sorts of euphemisms for swear words: bleeding, blooming. In a sense, bloody is just such a euphemism that has been seen through and regarded as a proper swear word.

If you don't regard it as a swear word then perhaps your son doesn't either, so it's a bit unfair to punish him. On the other hand, you need to teach him that it is a swear word because that's how others see it, not tell him that the school is wrong - that's not going to help him. On the other hand (of three, I know)maybe he did know that it was swearing from hearing it used by others?

However, I must confess that when someone at my son's pre-school complained to me that he referred to his penis as his willie and suggested that I should tell him to call it his twinkle I found it very difficult not just to laugh and tell her not to be so ridiculous.Grin I still haven't figured out whether it was because she was middle class or English or just form a place that didn't like bodies.

I think it's hilarious the way the words we used for body parts and bodily functions when I was young are now regarded as rude and have to be replaced by rather twee euphemisms. No doubt they will become rude in due course and we'll have new words for poo or whatever the socially accceptable word for willie is nowadays. I sincerely hope that it's not twinkle!

ChippingIn · 12/01/2011 21:16

RRocks - girls have 'twinkles' maybe she was confused Grin

0karen · 12/01/2011 21:21

I do not swear but my DDs seem to be picking it up recently

RRocks · 12/01/2011 21:33

Thanks,ChippingIn. Probably my confusion - it was many years ago - but I think it was something like that Confused.

I suppose what I was trying to say is that it's all pretty subjective. There's nothing wrong with the word; it's surely the intention that matters. However, the boy has to live with the school regime, so he needs to know what it deems to be not okay. (Hence I suppose the new version of Huck Finn with no niggers etc in it.) Hmm

Oblomov · 12/01/2011 21:57

Some swear words are worse than others ?
Fcking is worse than bloody, right ?
But what swear words come in between those two ? Are there any worse than fcking or not as bad as bloody ?

Best you give me a list, as I'm confused.

MadamDeathstare · 12/01/2011 22:00

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MadamDeathstare · 12/01/2011 22:01

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