So be honest; would you turn your child over to the police if he'd/she'd commited a crime?

[poshsinglemum]

I think a similar thread has been done about the student who has been jailed for throwing a fire extinguisher off a roof during a student [protest. WWWYD?

Yes, it would break my heat but I think I would.

Your attitude towards your child could manifest itself in all sorts of unpleasant ways AllHailDaddyPig.
You would also, more than likely, end up in prison alongside your daughter for perverting the course of justice. At least you could keep each other company.

Would really depend on the crime and whether or not DD was an adult yet or not.

Anything violent/dangerous i'd certainly turn her over for (for her own sake as well as anybody elses)

Stealing lipgloss from boots when she's 15 i'd make her post the item back to the store with a letter of apology and punish her myself at home severely enough that she'd never consider it again.

DD is 4 though so i dont have to worry just yet!

I know someone who reported something their son had done to police, thinking he'd get a ticking off. He got 20 months in prison.

AllHail, you do not need to sit her down and say that -she will know that already from your attitude. She will be receiving very clear messages from you without you realising it. Be very careful, you are in danger of raising a princess.

Well, I'll worry about that when she is arrested for a crime. I find it funny how people are talking as if it's a likely scenario.
You are acting as though I've suggested I'm going to encourage her into a life of crime, and then take the blame.
She's 5 for gods sake, and she believes I am a very mean mummy who won't even let her watch Horrid Henry. She has no idea the lengths I'd go to for her when it matters, and I doubt she'll ever need it demonstrating. I am very strict with her, and when she's older I'll fully support detentions and whatever else. I'm talking about when it comes to serious, life changing things.

Not all bad people are ill, some of them are just bad. If it makes you feel better to justify things that way then that is fine bit it is naive to lay everything at the door of a bad childhood/illness of whatever. Basically that just absolves everyone of any responsibility for their own actions.

By your logic I could get away with doing anything I like because I was abused as a child - and everyone would just feel sorry for me. In reality of course I have as much responsibility as everybody else to be a responsible citizen and uphold the law.

Murder or rape, yes. Or assault against a vulnerable person or animal. Not for burglary or anything non violent. Not for drugs

I obviously upport the justice system I am talking about an extreme scenario, in which my morals and obligation to society would take a back seat. At that point, I would probably compromise my morals, it's an exceptional circumstance which is unlikely to ever happen.
It doesn't mean I dont believe criminals in general shouldnt be punished.
And no, that's not my logic, I've been through a lot myself but I don't go out commiting crimes because of it. That is so obviously not what I was saying.

DublinMummy Thanks.

Everyone thinks their child wouldn't do it.

But you never know, my DD was very troubled as a teenager by my baby being stillborn.

Some of you have said that you would always be there for you DCs. I was there for my DD I sat in the police station all night, although she did not know.

I was by her side in court and in counselling.

If I had protected her she may not have stopped.

She has always believed I would do the right thing and she knows I did.

I don't think teaching your DCs to lie to stay out of trouble is very helpful.

And yes, maybe she will be a bit of a princess, or even a bit spoilt. Doesn't mean she'll be a hardened criminal though

I would hope I would never ever be put in a position where I would have to choose but as alot of people it depends.

I don't care how old if they were to do something horrific I would have to do something, what would be the point in pretending it never happened.We all say on here that we have to mean what we say to our children and not let them get away with things and that is the same in the real world.

Am I talking about petty theft maybe not but I would not stand by and let my child become a thug or villan.Things such as rape, child abuse sorry no second chance!

Some things cannot be dismissed and I would never forgive myself if I turned a blind eye and it happened again.

I love my children and I would protect them no matter what and like I said I only prey I never ever have to make that choice!!

Crikey - since when did our unconditional love for our children stretch to covering up for them if they commit heinous crimes? Imo, you're doing far more for your children and teaching them so much more about your morals, compassion, the value of life and your own strength of character by turning them over to the police than you ever would by lying for them.

"I'll always be the one person she can depend on, no matter what, I'd always find a way to support her."

Just wondering.. you say that you wouldn't turn her in as you want to support her? Do you think that parents who do turn in their children for criminal activity are somehow not supporting their children?

Not read the thread but I did.

Ds1 was smoking pot and bringing it into the house. He has a younger brother. Tried the talking to, shouting at etc.

We then rang the local community police to find out what would happen - was there a way that we could deal with it that would give him the fright of his life but not have any lasting consequences. They were wonderful, so we took him in (age 16) and he got the fright of his life and have seen no signs of it since.

AllHail, what if your dd had committed the kind of violent crime that suggests that she might do it again? Would you let her carry on and feel that was protecting her?

Personally, while I hope that my children will always be caring and law-abiding, I can imagine the kind of scenario where being in jail could actually be a kind of protection for one's child, because that would stop them from committing even more heinous acts. Protection from themselves if need be.

Yes, without question.

My DD is my life - I didnt think it was possible to love someone so so very much, but I would not let her break the law and get away with it.

I will always love her - but there is a chance that I wont love her behaviour. I would support her, but not what she had done.

Well I've no children yes,so take it with a pinch of salt,but I believe I would. I'd be utterly ashamed of myself if I didn't.

It does no good to pretend that their actions don't have consequences,and if my child was the victim of a crime I'd want justice for them. I'd want to see the perpetrator in court.

I'm amazed that people don't consider burglary a serious enough crime, to justify turning one's child in.

It can,and often does,have a devastating and lasting effect on the homeowners,particuarly if elderly.
Not only have their belongings been taken,but their home,and sense of security,has been breached.

I'm still haunted by a theft case in which I was a juror.The effect that crime had on the elderly lady involved,through no fault of her own, was horrific,and I don't think she'd ever get over it.

All-tail - what about the sexual abuse of children?

While wearing my Brownie uniform, I was indecently assaulted by a girl 5 or 6 years older than me. She was 'good as gold', too - she sang in the church choir.

She trained as a nurse - hope your daughter has never met her.

It's a tough thing to think about. Whatever they go on to do in their lives, they will always be my babies. I will always love them and feel responsible for them. But if they committed a serious crime, if they hurt someone or scared someone vulnerable, and wouldn't hand themselves in, then yes I would. Because I also have a responsibility to other people to not let my child do harm. I would still love them, but they would have to be punished. For other crimes, it would depend on whether it was a one off, whether they'd put others at risk etc.

tbh I have no idea,
I hope I am never in that situation. bt if he broke the law I would hope he would hand himself in,

yes - i have

My daughter went thr a long phase of attacking me physically, stealing my things and trashing possessions (2 guitars, 2 laptops, two TVs, the fridge freezer etc etc) She threatened to give my passport and carkeys to "someone who could use them" ...

She was always high on weed and/or alcohol...

"I'm amazed that people don't consider burglary a serious enough crime, to justify turning one's child in. It can,and often does,have a devastating and lasting effect on the homeowners,particuarly if elderly."

Exactly! When my BIL was about 11 or 12, he got home from school and caught burglars running out the back door which they'd smashed (and then proceeded to take belongings out of to a back road where neighbours wouldn't spot them - i.e. fully planned). they were never caught, but since a few other houses had been targets in the previous months it was probably experienced burglars.

BIl has spoken about how he had nightmares for months after that, imagining that they would come back at night whilst his family were in the house, and kill them. even now, he's told me that he still feels that sense of dread when he checks all the rooms when he gets home, in case it's happened again. and this is in a different area of the county, different house, and it happened 20 years ago. so don't tell me the effects of this crime are trivial.

he never got counselling for it, but i want to say to anyone thinking burglary is a trivial crime, it is not, it leaves the victim feeling violated, angry, and useless in the place they consider themselves to be fully safe, in their very own home.

disgusting that anyone would dismiss this sort of criminal activity as trivial.