To be worried about DS future?

[welshbyrd]

DS7yo, 8 in August - he had speech and language therapy since 3 years old, until last year. [his speech is much better]. Attended the ICAN because of this.
He did not walk until he was well over 2
He could not jump on spot etc [can now]
Can not ride a 2 wheel bike, and was near 5yo before he could ride a 3 wheeler bike
Struggles with buttons
Still wet bed at night
Can not change himself, if he does, he will forget his t-shirt or, forget to put pants on [ swimming lesson recently in school, he forgot to put his socks on, even though it was snowing outside, and he had to walk back to school]
Low concentration span
Forgetful
There is loads more things,

He yearly sees a child specialist, who informed me when my DS was 4, that DS, could have dyspraxia, amongst other learning problems. He stated he would never diagnose a child until child was 7, as young children develop at different speeds, and can catch up to quickly too
As years have gone on, DS is so severely behind his peers, teachers know it, I know it. He is taken out of his class 3 times a week, for one to one,
He recognises and can write his name, well his first name, but can not read even basic words, even after schools and my perseverance.
Spoke to his teacher yesterday after school, was asking her advice, as to what happens when dyspraxia is diagnosed, she basically said nothing changes, just each class he moves up to will be aware of his problems.
Im terrified of him going up to comp school, and being dismissed, bullied, ignored, well bit of everything really

His last year told me, If I could grade him on effort he would be in year 6

He is a FANTASTIC KID, brilliant natured, abit emotional even, which I think adds to his vulnerability, Has anyone else had dealing with these issues, on a secondary school level. im terrified for him.
Bringing Lambs to the slaughterhouse is coming to mind everytime I think about it

Please also anyone who have had dealings with dyspraxia, advice would be massively grateful

YOu need to speak to your local education department, he may well benefit better from being out of main stream school, and going to a special school.

His teacher last year, sorry. English is second language. We go together like water and electric

Go and post on special needs but from what you are describing there it sounds like a clasic case of dyspraxia to me (apart from the reading issue has he been tested for dyslexia too? ) you need some support to learn how to best support your child your local council might have some lessons. Get in contact with the SENCO teacher and ask for a referral forward.

You are jumping the gun a little although I'd share your concern as our ds is 12 and due to to go to senior school in September. Sounds like your ds could benefit from some OT to help him on a practical level and identify the issues. Can you ring the paed and ask him/her to make a referral. Unfortunately waiting lists can be long though. Can you speak to the senco at school in the meantime. Presumably he is already oin school Action plus and has an IEP ?

my oldest son has special needs. He is now in year 10 of a sen school. He started his options last september.
He is never going to pass a gcse or go to uni but he does have a future. He has choosen all practical subjects in his options. He does construction, horticulture, home ec and even animal care. Hopefully he will then go on to do a vocational course in whichever of these interest him the most. He is never going to be a high flyer but he will be self surporting and has value in his own way.

My 17 y-o BIL had all these probs - dyspraxic and dyslexic. His parents fought v. hard to get him into a SN school. EVENTUALLY council agreed to pay for it, although that should hopefully be a bit easier these days with Every Child Matters.

LEA is the place to start - tbh I would start now looking for a good school to get him into, and persuading the council or PCT to fund a place.

FWIW, my BIL is a GORGEOUS seventeen year old, very intelligent and ambitious, with good friends and a decent job as a carpenters apprentice. He's not 'quick' with words but he is intelligent, and very good at what he does.

This is just academia, as long as your DS is otherwise healthy and happy, everything else is manageable.

Getting into a sen school is not easy as there is far to few left after the disaster of "inclusion".
If you want to go the sen school route be prepared for a long battle and often long commutes for the child as unless you are lucky you could be miles away from your nearest sen school

He needs an educational physcologist assessment so you can have a formal diagnosis. Ask to speak to your school's special needs coordinator (SENCO), explain your concerns, and keep pushing for an assessment. Once this happens he will be able to be put on the school's special needs register at school action plus (the middle level of concern/support). It will be then up to the school, EP and you whether he is then considered for a statement which comes with legal status, and the possibility of special school if it is appropriate.

Go back to your DS's teacher, ask if he is on the special needs register, does he have an individual education plan (which should have targets for his learning/ motor skills, clearly state what support he will get and be reviewed approx. termly)? It's not good enough that a Year 3 child can't read or write if he has had good teaching and home support. However from the school's point of view they probably don't have any more resources to support him without a statement (which sometimes comes with council funding), hence why the teacher was telling you to not expect too much

If you aren't going to get the support he needs then maybe a school more set up for special needs (which could just as easily be a 'normal' mainstream school) would be best. When you get to the stage of choosing a secondary school that will be obviously a major factor for you, there are good ones out there. Your DS will not be the only one - if it is a state comprehensive then there will be others, and on the whole children tend to be more tolerant these days, especially in schools that have a strong inclusion ethos.

He does have an education plan, which is assessed twice a year.

This was mainly focused on his speech and language [which he no longer needs], and his fine locomotive skills, hand eye co ordination etc. Though he has never hit the targets, except for his speech. So the next term targets end up the same

WelshByrd my 2 older boys have both duspraxia and Aspergers. They have no learning difficulties, though.

At 8, neither of them could dress themselves at all. They couldn't use cutlery, couldn't hop/skip/catch/bat anything like that. They have never been able to learn to ride a bike/swim/play football or anything else. THey used to do things like walk into lamposts and walls and fall of kerbs and the like. They couldn't follow instructions given more than one at a time, weren't dry or properly clean either day or night. They were completely hopeless at organising themselves, remembering stuff, you name it.

Neither of them could tie their laces until the were about 16, nor fasten buttons. They were dry during the day before they were 10 and at night by about 11. They have finally stopped walking into things all the time and can mostly be relied upon to dress themselves, although DS2 often forgets to take his pyjamas off first and their clothes are not always weather/occasion appropriate.

A diagnosis will make virtually no difference to your son's schooling, except in the way his teacher has told you. BUT you need to get one so that you have a leg to stand on with secondary transition.

My eldest went to secondary school (DS2 is HE.)After much fighting he was given transport, someone to help him find his way about the school, a scribe and a few small bits of support. We needed a lot of support from the primary head teacher to get anything at all for him and his entire secondary career felt like one long battle with the school to make sure that they did even a small part of what they said that they would. My DS2 got no support from primary school at transition, so the secondary would give him no help at all, even though he is more badly affected than DS1. That's why we HE him.

DS1 is now in his 3rd year at St. Andrew's and, obviously, living away from home. He is not only surviving but thriving on the independence. Neither DH nor I can believe it. He still needs reminded to cut his hair/shave etc. and he is still a scruffy beggar with odd socks, wrinkled clothes and mismatched colours, But he is fine because he now realises his strengths and weaknesses and knows what to expect of himself so he has developed coping strategies.

DS2 is going to college after the summer, providing we can get an appropriate support package. In the last year he has improved vastly as well. He actually manages to ask for his own bus ticket, occasionally, now, and never forgets to clean his teeth. Other things are taking a bit longer, but that's what we expected.

My DS3 does have learning difficulties as well as planning and organisational problems. WHen he was 11, he had a reading age of 6 and a writing age of 4. He was also almost completely innumerate, baffled by more than very simple sums and unsure even of basic number bonds. Now he is almost 14 and HE. He is still behind in MAths (although MUCH improved) and writing (I have almost given up hope, although he has improved to the point where you can read perhaps one word in 10) but his reading is now ahead of his peers, his concentration and ability to follow instructions is unrecognisable. He can even ride a bike and tie his laces unaided.

The only thing I can tell you is that things do improve with time. Even a small victory is a still a victory. Try not too worry too much or it passes on to your child and just stresses them out even more.

I don't know how the system works in Wales, but you need to be on the school's case. He should never have been allowed to walk about without shoes on! (mine used to regularly have them on the wrong feet, with their jackets on upside down, under their jumpers.)
You need to push for a support package even without a diagnosis and then be on the case to make sure that it is being implemented. The school should start dealing with his transition to secondary at the start of his last year in primary, so that the appropriate arrangements are in place.

If I can help you at all, just let me know. I know how difficult it can be.

Thank you so much stressedheemma, you have helped me massively, your situation, the fact your sons did not have learning issues, whilst having dyspraxia. Will have to get my head around the dyspraxia, is not the cause for his learning difficulties and prepare myself for dyslexia or some other condition causing him these problems,

I feel like im banging my head against a brick wall.

Will think about SEN school, not sure I would want to take him out his school, even though is progress is extremely slow. He is so settled,and has loads of friends.

Have appt with his paed on 23rd march, so will discuss schooling etc with him.

I'm not sure what your son's status is on the special needs register (does he have a statement or not?) but if he doesn't have a statement he won't get a place at a state special school (certainly this is the case in England). There are however private schools who specialise in children like your son. My cousin, who has dyslexia and dyspraxia (and I suspect aspergers), went to one and he believes it made a massive difference to his life. He now has a BA and MA from leading university, and is now an army officer.

I'd also say that if you are happy that the school is doing a good job with him, and he is happy then leave him where he is and make the decision at secondary. The fact that he has friends now is a good sign that he will continue to do well socially in a mainstream school.

Welshbyrd Something is wrong..It really sounds as your DS is not getting the full attention he deserves and needs.

My DS2 was diagnosed with Dyspraxia aged 7, by the Paed. consultant.He,the OT and school SENCO had the following in place within a year:
-1-1 lessons twice a week,
-Special twice weekly co-ordination,and balancing lessons, along with 3 other children,
-his own school lap top to use in class (funding applied for by the SENCO)
-touch typing lessons for the above.

We also saw a Physiotherapist for exercises to do at home..and still seeing a biomechanical podiatrist, twice a year for specialist insoles (hypermobility and extreme 'flat footedness' issues)

I am in Wales (Pembrokeshire)..
DS2 only learnt to ride a bike last year,but with all this help he received at Primary school, he (13 today) has managed to keep up at Secondary school,and is finally working out how to deal with social situations. Although he is still on SAP.If anything arises i ring the head SENCO,and get it sorted out within a week.

It really sounds to me as if all those professionally involved in you're DSs case,are quite frankly crap!Do not leave it at that! Give them all a kick up the backside,make appointments,voice your concerns,and take a list of everything listed here and ask why your son isn't receiving them..

As StressedHEmum said above, you have to push for the support package-especially if they are not going to voluntarily come up with the goods!

Good luck x

Jeez jellykat, you know what your talking about. Im also from pembrokeshire

Are you in Pembrokeshire now? If so, will PM you name of good Paed consultant!

Thought long and hard this evening

Going to approach his class teacher again, [she is also the school special needs role for his school]
I am aware the paeds, speech and language therapy dept etc, constantly inform school, of DS recent appointments etc. But not sure as to what extent, the school notify them back about his development, well basically all his problems. I am thinking of asking his teacher to write a letter for me to hand to the paed DR in March, stating exactly the situation, like me, they see him daily, so are more aware. His paed DR only see"s him for an hour every year.

Clutching at straws here tbh

Yes, still in pembrokeshire

His paed, is DR Vip [can not remeber full last name]

Would appreciate any goods contacts

DS was involved with the Helping hands, some years ago

welshbyrd Have PMd you ..

Forgot to say they don't statement DCs here in Pembs... that's what makes it so hard! but if the SENCO is on the ball, they know whats what.
I would suggest you speak to SENCO, discuss your concerns and hers,(write it all down for Dr Vip), but also ask her what she suggests should be done, solution wise-put her on the spot a bit!

Am just going to look up info i have, on books etc for things that can be done at home, re.exercises etc..

The book recommended to me by my previous SENCO
is by Madeleine Portwood, called 'Developmental Dyspraxia'-identification and intervention, a manual for parents and professionals.
published by David Fulton Publishers.

I also have a printed 'home pack' from the Occupational therapist, with very good exercises to help improve memory skills,perceptual skills for dressing etc. and will be happy to send it to you, if you don't have it...just let me know!

Thank you so much for recommending a book

I think that half my problem, I have not been given much information on dyspraxia, so don't really understand it, suppose I will be told everything in March, I have looked on internet alot, but will defiantly get my hands on the book you have suggested

Would really appreciate any help with the memory skills [ memory is a big problem of DS ]
And his dressing skills are not fab either, he can dress, but is so forgetful, Ive known him to put his trousers on, on top of his pj trousers, forgot to put on his pants, one day he even went to put a t-shirt on like trousers, it was only when I told him what he was doing, that he said "Oh silly me"

My DH and I were chatting last night, about DS future, DS is so emotional, which I think makes the situation worse. My niece is the complete opposite, and names calling, well anything just bounces off without a thought. DS is not like her, when he gets upset, he really does get heart broken. My gut feeling is to wrap him in my arms, and cwtch him tight, while fight every way I can, to keep him happy

Hi welshbyrd,
My eldest boy is 9 and sounds a lot like your son. Sweetest boy in the world, very affectionate, and really easily hurt and emotional. Is Dyspraxic, but improved hugely after some physiotherapy. Good at reading, very imaginative - hopeless at organisation etc. He once managed to come home from school having lost his trousers! I think one of the hardest things is that the children know they're different without realising why, so it's a huge knock to confidence. Once they have a diagnosis in many ways it helps them to know. Also I keep reminding DS that Daniel Radcliffe is dyspraxic, and the boy who plays Harry Potter is one of the coolest kids around! At least people know about dyspraxia now and schools do take notice.

It seems to me that the sensitivity, and not understanding why other slightly 'nastier' children behave the way they do,is part and parcel of Dyslexia.My DS is no 'game player' when it comes to other DCs feelings,and has spent a lot of time taking phrases like "i'm not going to be you're friend anymore" completely to heart, slowly he has learnt that chances are the child saying it, will have forgotten by the next day...

My DC once 'sold' one of his favourite toys,to a friend,as said friend had told him he had a thousand pounds in a drawer at home!
of course he believed him, why would his friend lie??
but it does come eventually, it just takes longer, and can be quite a tough heartbreaking path for us too.

welshbyrd if you PM your address, i'll pop what i have in the post next week,-or DS and i are seeing a knee consultant in your town, on Monday afternoon, if you're in that area...

It is completely reasonable to ask your DS's teacher for a letter for the paed appointment, I often get asked to do this by parents and it's never a problem. In fact most doctors specifically ask for it, and often have a specific form for the school to fill in, so I'm suprised this has happened.