To think that at tea time with 3 kids it should be all hands on deck?

[Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara]

And not one parent cooking tea/sorting the children out/tidying kitchen afterwards/bathing children/listening to children reading/putting children to bed, whilst the other goes on the PC? Regardless of whether one parent has been at work all day or not.

I think I'm being perfectly reasonable, DH thinks I am being very unreasonable and that I should do everything, every night.

oh and insist you have a few hours to yourself each weekend.

Given the choice mine would happily sit plugged into the computor and he does. It just wouldn't even enter his mind to offer to help- infact on work nights, he goes to the pub after work and returns when the kids are all in bed. If i want him to help- i have to ask- it wouldn't occur to him to offer to help out- but when I ask- he grumbles a bit- but then will do it, and I have a firm agreement in place that 3 nights a week, he does all the kids bed-times and has to read them a story. It used to bother me that he wasn't very forthcoming, but now I am resigned to the fact that I have to point out i need help, and so I do, and so he does.

So impressed that so many of you have DPs who help so much!
Tbh I'm a bit like LeQueen and I do see all that stuff as part of my job as DH works really hard and is wonderful in many ways. Most evenings he isn't home by kids bedtime - often not till 11. I don't really resent that as mostly I just see it as him doing his bit and me doing mine. Often it's a bit of a nightmare with 4 small DCs who make a huge mess and all share a room meaning it takes hours for them to go to sleep but we mug along ok.
What I do find difficult are times like Christmas when he was off for a week. He needed to catch up on sleep and relax which I don't mind but somewhere along the line I wonder when my holiday is going to be! He's brilliant with the kids when he is around (much better than me!) but it tends to be the fun stuff while I'm mugging around cooking and cleaning. If I ask him to do anything specific he would do it but that makes me feel funny - like he's having to help me out because I'm not managing to do my job instead of it being a partnership.
Gosh that was long. sorry!

MoS: (and LeQ): Yes, when you are the SAHM some housework along with the childcare counts as part of your job but you have to be wary of a situation where your DP's work is his set hours in the office/behind the wheel/up a ladder or whatever, after which he comes home and does what he likes, but your work is 24/7. Having a penis does not mean a person is entitled to take all the leisure time in the family. A man who doesn't have a wife has to either do basic housework (or live on takeaways and buy new pants every week) or pay someone to do it, every person in a family household should do some domestic work and chores.

SGB : you speak a lot of sense.
i am always dismayed by the number of threads i read along these lines.

can i give you an example of how it works here? admittedly i'm lucky to have a cleaner but if we didn't both DH and i would share it though i would do more during the week. if the cleaner didn't iron DH's shirts, then he would willingly do it himself (i'm awful at ironing).

DH will arrive home anytime between 6-7.30pm. If just before 7pm then he's back in time to see DC1. He changes clothes straight away and will always read DC1's bedtime story, have a chat with him and put him to bed. In the meantime, i will have started cooking our dinner. DH will come into the kitchen and start washing up/loading any dirty dishes that i've not had time to put into the DW. After dinner he washes up everything and tidies the kitchen.

during the week/on the weekend he will always empty wash baskets if they've suddenly become full (generally on a Fri when beds have been changed), put on a wash, hang up washing and fold up and put away dry washing.

Believe you me this is the man who would, 15 years ago, would never entertain the idea of the domestic bliss we have these days. However, if you asked him why he does it, i can tell you without a doubt he would say that it was "ONLY FAIR". He's right.

MoS if I didn't he wouldn't be a DP he'd be an ExP!!! Why would I want to live with someone who was a burden to me as he felt he had rights to "special" treatment that involved shirking basic parenting responsibilities, and were enabled predominantly by me doing all the drudgery in the home. I think I'm fairly tolerant person but I'm not THAT stupid tolerant.

Lequeen if your life had a face I would punch it!

why shimmery?!?
i dont think lequeen has said anything out of the ordinary tbh

dh doesn't help me with anything, nor does he babysit his own children.

He does do a lot of the day to day childcare, including the bed/bath routine most evenings. (in fact it is very rare indeed that I do the final half hour of bedtime such as stories and teeth)

He works full time. I work part time but still quite a lot of hours.

We are a team.

I don't think he is particularly exceptional, I think he does what a dad should do tbh. (that's not to say I don't appreciate it, in the same way that he appreciates the stuff that I do. When he comes down after settling the children if we haven't already eaten the food is ready. If we have eaten the kitchen is cleared.

OP, I am angry and frustrated on your behalf. However, only you can change the situation.

Sorry, it is a quote from Scott Pilgrim, which made me laugh and I thought of it when I read your posts. You do have a pretty perfect life with mrLequeen don't you ? And good for you .

LeQueen: the point you seem to be missing is that it's not about being 'organised' it's about the man deciding that the wife is his servant and everything to do with domestic work and childcare is her job.