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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for 'pulling a sickie'?

29 replies

unreasonablemalingerer · 10/01/2011 11:10

i've just taken my first ever sickie (ie. not actually sick).

work has been hell now since last october. my boss went off with stress in november. she's not back soon. in the absence of any line mangement the senior managers are really taking the piss. the next person up from my absent boss is a senior director who is very confrontational in all conversations and not in any way supportive.

today i just couldn't make myself go to work Sad there's nothing particular on today... no big meetings... i just couldn't go.

i know i'm totally unreasonable to phone in sick when i'm not... i know i should be glad to have a job (though have been dreaming of being made redundant which is even more unreasonble Blush) i'll go back tomorrow... but come and give me a kick for being so unreasonable.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 10/01/2011 11:13

Hey sometimes you need a day off so they can see how much you actually do.

Don't be so hard on yourself, have a lovely day! :)

madonnawhore · 10/01/2011 11:15

No, YANBU. I know a lot of people are out of work at the moment and you should rightly consider yourself lucky to be employed, but sometimes I just think that life's too short and if you want to throw a sickie once in a while, you should.

Nobody is going to be on their deathbead thinking that if they could do it all again they would have spent more time at work.

On a more serious note, it is horrible to work in a hostile environment with an aggressive boss. I've been in that situation before and I completely understand the feeling of not wanting to go in just because you can't face it that day. Think carefully about whether what you're experiencing is bullying in the workplace - there are channels you can follow through HR to protect yourself.

You spend so much of your time at work, it's not reasonable to have to bear a hostile atmosphere for 8 hours a day.

SheWillBeLoved · 10/01/2011 11:17

No kicking, have a nice relaxing day off, you obviously need it.

Just don't make it a regular thing Wink it'll just make it harder to drag yourself back.

ChessyEvans · 10/01/2011 11:22

I think YA only BU to yourself! You say you woke up this morning and couldn't face going to work and dealing with the situation you knew would greet you.

I'm no doctor but I'm pretty sure that if you went to your GP and described the work situation they would be happy to sign you off with stress - thinking that you wish you would be made redundant and not being able to make yourself go into work are surely fairly strong indicators that you are not coping well with the work situation.

If you think 1 day off is all you need and you'll be fine tomorrow then I think YANBU but if you think it's anything more than that then you need to consider raising how you're feeling at work and explaining that you are worried that you won't be able to come in to work if the situation continues.

Some big companies (law firms) have 'duvet days' where you can ring in and say you just don't feel like coming in - I think it's to avoid people pulling sickies. In your case though it doesn't sound like you just fancied the day off, it sounds as though there are genuine reasons for you not wanting to go into work.

Hope you feel rested after your day off Smile

AgentZigzag · 10/01/2011 11:53

There's nothing like that feeling of 'having a day off school' Grin

Don't waste your time feeling guilty, it's done now, spend your time on the net looking for another job.

Why waste your life dragging yourself into a job that's making you feel like shit every day?

Not good for your health, or for the people around you having to see you so unhappy.

twopeople · 10/01/2011 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
unreasonablemalingerer · 10/01/2011 12:31

you've all been very kind, i feel very guilty but as you say, it's done now and i have to maintain the pretense.

i am looking for another job, and this one does only run till the end of july anyway (information that makes me even more unreasonable i suspect).

i am struggling a lot with pitching job applications because this role has really destroyed my belief in myself. and also in my sector, everybody knows about my project and knows it doesn't finish till the summer so i'd have to massage the truth about 'my contribution being largely complete' because i don't want to come over all negative and unable to cope.

going to use today to cook myself some healthy food for the freezer and this weeks lunches.

OP posts:
bupcakesandcunting · 10/01/2011 12:32

BROKEN BRITAIN

scarletbegonia · 10/01/2011 12:39

I think YABU - you have a responsibility to your job. I'd be pretty annoyed if I was your co-worker and had to do your work today just because you fancied a day in bed.

You sound a little selfish to me.

Original poster
unreasonablemalingerer · 10/01/2011 12:40

don't worry scarletbegonia absolutely nobody will do any part of my job today. i can 100% guarantee that.

i will just have to catch up tomorrow.

OP posts:
pointissima · 10/01/2011 12:42

YABU. It is dishonest

bupcakesandcunting · 10/01/2011 12:44

Yeah, malingerer. You selfish fecker. Your sickie will lead to another recession.

AgentZigzag · 10/01/2011 12:44

Everyone's a bit selfish and dishonest at some time in their life, and if you think you're not you're deluded.

It's not the end of the world, and the country wont grind to a halt, it takes two inches of snow for that to happen.

GabbyLoggon · 10/01/2011 12:46

Yes, guilt can be a wasted emotion. You seem ok to me. "Gabby"

AuntieMaggie · 10/01/2011 12:46

If you had said it was just because you couldn't be bothered then yes you would BU however like some others, I think you are showing signs of stress and need to be a little kinder to yourself.

So stop worrying and enjoy today - and try to think more positively about yourself! :)

AMumInScotland · 10/01/2011 12:51

If you were feeling fine and threw a sickie just because you fancied the day off, I'd be unimpressed. But tbh it sounds ike you are feeling pretty bad if you really can't face going in. My work's sick leave form has categories including anxiety, depression and stress - one or more of those would be a fair description of someone who just can't make themself go in.

But, as others have said, you don't want to start making a habit of it - better to find some way to improve the situation, even if it's just having a count-down to the day you get to leave!

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 10/01/2011 13:00

This sounds like what is called a 'mental health day' to me - and maybe by taking this day off you will avoid having to have longer off with stress or having succumbed to an infection because you are so stressed and tired.

So no, YANBU. Have a good rest, clear your head a bit, and go back to work tomorrow refreshed and better able to cope.

moomaa · 10/01/2011 13:16

YANBU I have done this on very rare occasions and have felt a million times better the next day. I have seen it as a day off for my mental health.

Ormirian · 10/01/2011 13:18

What chessy said. If you are facing this sort of situation from time to time that is one thing, if you are facing it day after day after day it's quite another.

justcarrots29 · 10/01/2011 13:25

YANBU- it also sounds to me like you needed a day off. Sometimes it can be too much to bear when you know you are going into work to have others breathing down your neck and loads of work on. You know yourself that you will have to catch up on your work tomorrow so it doesn't sound like you are being selfish. You sound exhausted and a bit depressed in work - is it feasible that in order to give yourself a little bit of hope that you have a little snoop round to see if there are an other jobs about??

theevildead2 · 10/01/2011 13:28

I was going to say mental health day too!

Numberfour · 10/01/2011 13:31

I agree with Chessy.

You are obviously feeling so crap about work that going in was too awful to contemplate.

I reckon you may need more than just a day.... go and see your GP and get booked off for a while.

Hope you're okay soon.

hatesponge · 10/01/2011 13:39

YANBU.

Sometimes work just gets on top of you and a little break can make it easier to cope.

I am also off work today - I am not feeling 100% (have a sort of cold thing which is making me slightly dizzy, am fine sitting down but not sure I could have managed to stand for the 30 min train journey), I have been to work and felt worse in the past if I have had a big project on, but that isn't the case at present so I havent gone in. Like you, no-one will do my work when I'm not there, just leave it all over my desk!

TrillianAstra · 10/01/2011 13:41

If it's a horrible environment then hiding away isn't going to help - it'll still be horrible tomorrow.

Can you take this time to figure out what you can do to make it better? Or if there is nothing that can be done, to start your hunt for a different job?

KaraStarbuckThrace · 10/01/2011 13:44

I could have written your post back in 2007/8.

I ended up having a nervous breakdown. Take the sickie. And look for another job, clearly they do not value you. I ended up quitting and found other work because I just couldn't cope with the stress and the senior management were doing fuck all about it (my boss left and was never replaced, and the person who was covering my boss's role with me suffered a heart attack and was on long term sick - he left as well!)