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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having some trouble being a SAHM.

71 replies

stretchmummy · 09/01/2011 18:09

Totally lost it with 7 year-old DD, to the point of her cowering on floor, because she accused me of having more custard than her.
"Do you know what I have sacrificed for you? I have given up my whole life for you, my career, everything: and you begrudge me a spoonful of custard etc, etc...."

Help!

OP posts:
WimpleOfTheBallet · 09/01/2011 18:43

Also what about Avon? There are always opportunities with Avon.

cupcakebakerer · 09/01/2011 18:44

Sorry if I came across as awful - I didn't mean to. Sometimes you forget there are real people involved on here but I think you know what you have done is out of order. You can't expect everyone to say 'aww don't worry, we've all been there' as the very nature of AIBU is to ask for honest opnions. Noones perfect - my God especially me. Just as long as you learn from your mistakes that's all the matters. Now go and have a nice glass of wine and some chocolate.

hairyfairylights · 09/01/2011 18:44

Sorry OP but if you expose yourself for having lost it in anger with your child in 'AIBU' you are going to be 1. told that you are and 2. be offered some advice.

That's how it works. Confused

JamieLeeCurtis · 09/01/2011 18:45

Of course it may be only in part to do with not working. There could be loads of things going on in the OPs life to make her be stressed.

OP. If you need support, you'll get it. Start a thread elsewhere if you don't want to pursue this one

readywithwellies · 09/01/2011 18:48

Stretch - We all have funny five minutes. My last one was a while ago when the cooker fell on my foot and my dsd, 9, made a sarky comment about me crying over my foot. Up came the hackles and I told her to sod off. I apologised straight away, of course. These things happen and those who say they don't can have a Biscuit

DD will be in school (I assume) on Monday. Watch Jeremy Kyle and feel thankful for your life.
Then have another stab at the job hunting on the internet over a nice cuppa.

JockTamsonsBairns · 09/01/2011 18:48

Oh poor you stretchmummy. Of course, you shouldn't have said what you did but you know that, and your DD will get over it. Children are resilient, and if you weren't a 'good enough' mum, you wouldn't be feeling so bad about it the way you are. Parenthood can be so hard sometimes and, ime, more so if you're struggling with being a SAHM. You're doing the best you can at the time, and that's all any of us can do - so go and give her a big cuddle, tell her you're sorry, then pour yourself a glass of wine and aim to make a better job of things tomorrow. That's all any of us can do.

JodiesMummy · 09/01/2011 18:50

Stretch - GAFG.

mincenmash · 09/01/2011 18:50

There are always going to be people on these forums who are so self righteous, they would never do that etc etc.
I've lost it plenty time with my children, its not the small things but more the build up off little things until I've had enough. Everyone says things that they regret in heat of the moment. Like has been said, tomorrow is another day it's no good beating yourself up over it.

poshsinglemum · 09/01/2011 18:50

She is 7 and presumably at school. Why not get your career back on track and get a job? Or as others have said; voluntary work.

Dragonhart · 09/01/2011 18:53

Stretch- I am a SAHM and I can sypathise with loosing it over something that has nothing to do with what you are really cross with. I got really down at the end of last year an felt like everything was out of my control and that I was always one step behind everyone else.

I sat down at the start of the year and wrote down everything that was bugging me and I have started to change the stuff I can, doing a little everyday. Writting it all down suddenly made it seem less of a weight and I am starting to feel better already.

I really find that taking everyone outside into the fresh air helps when it gets a bit ontop of me. Kids get a run around and I get a bit of exercise.

I hope that you have some support and someone to talk to. I am quite shy and in the last few years have forced myself to ask some mums from toddler groups to come to my house and even though i found it hard it has been really worth it. I have made some great friends who are in the same situation as me and can totally sympathise with problems I have.

JodiesMummy · 09/01/2011 18:53

I hate it when adults take their frustrations out on their children, the poor kid wanted more custard FFS she was not questioning your lifestyle choices! If I were you Id feel like a right twat right about now.

hairyfairylights · 09/01/2011 18:53

I think there's a big difference between saying 'sod off' to a child and 'totally lost it' til they 'cower on the floor'.
The OP clearly knows this is not good, and has asked for constuctive comments. I think peope have made them, in a supportive manner, actually.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 09/01/2011 18:54

She has said that she has been looking for a year poshsinglemum.

JamieLeeCurtis · 09/01/2011 18:54

Jodie - she does and she doesn't need you to slag her off. Have a bit of empathy

SmethwickBelle · 09/01/2011 18:54

Chin up, obviously if you are worried you can't control your anger then that is one thing, but losing your rag on the odd occasion, saying sorry and trying harder tomorrow is called being human.

charliesmommy · 09/01/2011 18:55

"I would die for her quite happily (which I suppose is the ultimate sacrifice) and I really have no doubt that she knows that"

I doubt very much at 7 she does know that..

As for someone saying "oh go have a glass of wine"..

I would love to see the reaction if someone came on saying "my husband just ranted at my daughter and made her cower on the floor, but he is going to calm down with a beer now"..

Hmm
mincenmash · 09/01/2011 18:56

Jodiesmummy, seriously can you honestly say you've never said anything you regret in the heat of the moment?

JodiesMummy · 09/01/2011 18:57

If a childs mild annoyances send OP orbital she is definitely not ready for the cut and thrust of the jobs market IMO.

Mince - Id rather eat my own head than have my child cowering on the floor.

JamieLeeCurtis · 09/01/2011 18:58

Perhaps the OP is suffering from depression.

mincenmash · 09/01/2011 19:01

I think when she said cowering in the corner it might not have been in the literal sense but more of a figure of speech type thing. I think you are reading too much into it. Do you never make mistakes of any kind?

hairyfairylights · 09/01/2011 19:05

Quote from OP: "Totally lost it with 7 year-old DD, to the point of her cowering on floor".

I make plenty of mistakes. But putting a child in that position is not one of them.

Look, people are trying to make objective, constructive suggestions here, to someone who acknowledges they have not handled things well and is presumably wanting feedback (otherwise why post on a forum?) - unless she wanted people to 'side with her' and do the whole 'there there' thing.

bellabelly · 09/01/2011 19:07

I find dealing with my children 24/7 FAR more stressful than my old full-time teaching job. As someone else said, it's cumulative and you do sometimes overreact to some stupid little thing that's the last straw.

cupcakebakerer · 09/01/2011 19:07

Oh blah charliesmommy - it's a figure of speech. Not everyone drinks do they? I don't.

mincenmash · 09/01/2011 19:10

Sometimes people fail to consider the bigger picture that's all and just want to wag the finger of righteousness......

hairyfairylights · 09/01/2011 19:13

Sometimes people fully consider what the bigger picture could be, and respond with some constructive, impartial advice...

Sometimes people assume that those posting that advice have not considered the bigger picture, or put themselves in the position of the OP when offering that advice...

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