Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childcare - again

45 replies

onceamai · 09/01/2011 17:00

Whilst we are on the subject - I am struggling at the moment. Two DC, 16 and 12, full time job and DH works abroad Mon-Fri (not home this w/e because gone to states). At request of DC decided not to have au-pair this year now that dd is in secondary school.

But I feel I have no time to myself at all and work is tough at the moment and I need to put in hours just to keep up and this will last probably until this summer. Also because I work f/time and don't get home until about 5.45 (can be later at the mo) am refusing almost all invitations to go out.

Do you think I would be unreasonable to get an au-pair again or should I just, as my son would say "man up" and get on with it.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 09/01/2011 17:02

Why do you need an aupair the 12 year old is old enough to let themselves in when they get home from school and be left until you get home at 5.45.

My 11 year old let himself in at 4pm and I used to get home at 5.30pm and cook his dinner.

He would get changed and do homework whilst he waited for me.

FabbyChic · 09/01/2011 17:03

Im 46 and I used to let myself in at home when I was 10!

Chloe55 · 09/01/2011 17:04

Could you not put your dcs in a before/after school club? Doesn't help you with housework etc etc but your kids are certainly old enough to pull their own weight.

FabbyChic · 09/01/2011 17:04

Im 46 and I used to let myself in at home when I was 10!

FabbyChic · 09/01/2011 17:04

They are 16 and 12 why would she put them in before or after school clubs.

Show them some responsibility. 12 years old!

mollymax · 09/01/2011 17:05

Is it an au pair you need, or a cleaner, mothers help, housekeeper?
Best to work out in what area you feel you need the most help and get it.

Chloe55 · 09/01/2011 17:06

yes, sorry 16 far too old I agree. Depends on what the 12 year old is like in maturity I think - having worked looking after many of them!

Original poster
onceamai · 09/01/2011 17:06

To cook their tea so they get it before 7, tidy up, do the ironing, take in shopping, collect dry cleaning, ie, so I can sit down before 9pm to catch up with a bit more work. And so I can occasionally go out without feeling guilty.

OP posts:
BluTac · 09/01/2011 17:06

Why doesn't your son "man up" and help out? Wink

miniwedge · 09/01/2011 17:06

I don't think the op is worried too much about after school, more about free time?

Chloe55 · 09/01/2011 17:08

Onceamai, again why can't the kids do some of that workload? My mum didn't used to get home til 6.30pm, I had her tea on the table from being about 14.

compo · 09/01/2011 17:09

The 16 year old can cook dinner
shopping can arrive at the weekend
farm ironing out in your lunch hour
get a cleaner

borderslass · 09/01/2011 17:13

Get a slow cooker put dinner in before you go to work, at 12 and 16 though they should be able to manage between themselves to do a meal.

mollymax · 09/01/2011 17:16

Reading you latest post, it sounds like an au pair is what you need.
If you can afford it and it works for you. Go for it. You do not need anyone elses permission :)

SmethwickBelle · 09/01/2011 17:19

If the kids are anti having an au pair say if they "man up" and do X and Y (getting washing through, doing their own tea, cleaning bathrooms, hoovering) then you won't need to, otherwise it sounds as if an au pair or cleaner would certainly make your life easier.

They definitely sound old enough for chores though, unless there are mitigating factors you haven't mentioned. Your son has a bit of a cheek saying you should man up, definitely get him scrubbing a few floors for that!

FabbyChic · 09/01/2011 17:23

My kids would be up and ready by 8, I'd be at work for 9, I would do the weekly shop in my lunch breaks, my house would always be cleaned as I do it as needed so it was always spotless.

My kids before I moved were 16 and 11. I took work home, food home.

Au-pair. OMG.

I used to go out clubbing sometimes three times a week, to the pub on Sunday nights. I took the kids out Thursday nights, and some other nights for dinner.

I managed it without an au-pair. I could afford one but jeeez never even gave it a second thought to have one.

When I wasn't out or taking the kids out I would work.

Au-pair. Sorry but jeeez it is doable without outside help its about structuring your time, keeping on top of things at home.

Laquitar · 09/01/2011 17:24

Maybe you can find a local lady to come for a couple of hours 3times a week 5-7pm? Maybe 5-9pm or 10pm sometimes when you go out?
The role will be 'Mother's Help' with occasional babysitting. Not very attractive post because of the hours but there are many people looking for extra money.

But i agree that the dcs should tidy-up, wash etc.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 09/01/2011 17:26

at 16 your eldest is more than capable of cooking and the two of them are more than capable of doing a wash, hoovering, dishes and general tidying. tehre is no way, with 2 dcs of their age i would be paying someone to do all that while they are sitting there with both arms the one length.

Chatelaine · 09/01/2011 17:28

I see your dilemma OP. It's about what they're used to maybe? Also it takes a bit of training to get them used to a new way of doing things and that requires input from you and at time when you understandably don't have the energy. Also, the 16yr old DC would be responsible for the younger, 12yr old. Only you know if that would work. Could be an opportunity maybe? Do not be swayed unduly by the opinion of your son, take it into consideration and acknowledge it, but the ultimate decision is yours to make. In the short term, to ease your load I would go with the "right" au pair". So YANBU. If you decide to get another au pair, yes your son will have to "man up" because he will be helping his mother to have peace of mind. That's a manly quality.

cece · 09/01/2011 17:29

To cook their tea so they get it before 7 - why can't the 16 year old do this with some help from the younger DC?

tidy up - everyone could do a 20 min blitz on this every evening...

do the ironing - I personally never iron anything, but if you can't contemplate that pay for someone to do it

take in shopping - is this internet online order? if so all could lend a hand with this?

collect dry cleaning - nip out on Sat morning when DH home

I think you neeed a serious talk with you DC. Tell them it is either help out or you will be getting an au pair....

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 09/01/2011 17:29

also, do less ironing. 12 and 16 can do their own ironing. slow cooker is a good idea, but i still think it does them no harm to learn how to make a meal for themselves and others in teh house.

do kids really get it this easy nowadays? i sound so old ssaying that, but I'm not.

compo · 09/01/2011 17:30

Do you have a partner that could help out?

Original poster
onceamai · 09/01/2011 17:40

Yes - in Europe Monday to Friday! Weekends are precious and I don't want them to be wall to wall chores. I'm also pretty exhausted.

The DC are very responsible and pretty good actually. Personally, I would prefer them to focus and concentrate on their school work and other activities rather than doing lots and lots of chores.

OP posts:
minipie · 09/01/2011 17:43

Your children can definitely take the shopping in and put it away. They can also pick up the dry cleaning on a Saturday morning or on their way back from school, surely.

They can help with cooking - not necessarily cook all by themselves, but at least chop and stir under your direction, while you do something else?

I'm not sure they need to be fed before 7 at that age either (though recognise that may suit you better so you get an evening)

Ironing - cleaner can do this for a few extra £ (sounds like you have one already?)

As others have said, if the DC are grown up enough not to want an au pair, then they are grown up enough to help out.

minipie · 09/01/2011 17:44

cross posted. I don't think the above would be lots and lots of chores - it's just normal helping out.

Swipe left for the next trending thread