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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think BIL ex partner is wrong to expect him to keep paying maintainance for daughter after she is 18 if she goes to uni?

48 replies

sneezecakesmum · 08/01/2011 23:27

Also for the bitch that is her mother to stay in the house they (BIL and bitch) own jointly if DD goes off to uni for 5 years (or commutes to local uni). BIL has been mentally abused for 20 years and deserves a bloody break!!!

Can't find any legal stuff on this and he is suicidal after bitch stole his bank card, took £2500 out, threw him out, changed the locks and wont give him any of his property until he signs the house over to her. Oh, and leaves the city hes lived in for 20 yrs.

At least he wasnt dumb enough to marry her.

OP posts:
reelingintheyears · 08/01/2011 23:30
Biscuit
AuntieMaggie · 08/01/2011 23:32

Think this is common practice (my dad had to pay for me while I went to Uni) and think he should support his daughter financially, however I think the maintenance can go straight to the daughter after she turns 18 if she isn't living at home, though she'll probably have to go back there in holidays depending on which uni she goes to as some of them kick you out of accommodation out of term time.

controlfreakyhohohohohohoho · 08/01/2011 23:36

oooh. nice turn of phrase op... Hmm. why shouldn't he be responsible for funding his daughter at least in part??

Glitterknickaz · 08/01/2011 23:39

YABU.
His duties to his DD are not discharged until she's fully financially independent.
Arrangements between him and his ex are another matter.

Original poster
sneezecakesmum · 08/01/2011 23:41

He has no problem at all funding his daughter I just didnt know how to start the thread. It is more that he wants the house sold when she is 18.

OP posts:
KangarooCaught · 08/01/2011 23:41

Parents generally help their children if they can through university, especially now. But the maintenance can go straight to dd during term time.

With regards to the rest he ought to seek legal advice with the CAB and/or solicitor.

But my friend still pays maintenance and his children are late teens/early twenties (one on a training programme/the other at uni) as their mother still has to pay a whacking great mortgage and bills on the home that houses his sons...or they come and live with him! He knows who has the better arrangement! But theirs is an amicable split.

MsKLo · 08/01/2011 23:42

Control

I don't think the OP has an issue with BIL giving money to his daughter as such - it is more giving it to the mother, am I right?

He should give money to gis daughter - maybe post in legal and get some advice for him - poor man, she sounds awful

LadyOfTheManor · 08/01/2011 23:42

I'm on the fence with this;

a) At 18 and with student loans and technically now from a single parent family, she can cover her own fees. Part time jobs weren't so unusual when I was studying.

OR

b) It is his child regardless of his ex, and perhaps he should contribute to her voluntary education.

As for the house/property, a solicitor might be a wise investment?

Glitterknickaz · 08/01/2011 23:42

scm does he still want to sell if his DD commutes from home?

Dansmommy · 08/01/2011 23:43

Why wouldn't he want to at least partly support his child through university?

roomonthebroom · 08/01/2011 23:43

'Dumb enough' to have a DD with her though, 2 years after the mental abuse started. Does he feel no obligation to support HIS DAUGHTER?

As for the other stuff, he needs to speak to the police
re the stolen money and a lawyer re the house.

controlfreakyhohohohohohoho · 08/01/2011 23:43

err, if "he has no problem at all funding his daughter" then your thread title makes no sense.

Original poster
sneezecakesmum · 08/01/2011 23:44

Has the law changed to make parents pay to house them if they leave home. I cant see BILs DD wanting to stay near her mother any longer than she has to. The bitch has used all her children to get at BIL. He is in pieces

OP posts:
Original poster
sneezecakesmum · 08/01/2011 23:44

The police are involved and the bank

OP posts:
Original poster
sneezecakesmum · 08/01/2011 23:45

She stole the money he was going to pay the solicitor with Sad

OP posts:
roomonthebroom · 08/01/2011 23:46

Ah, I see he will support his DD. He needs proper legal advice about the house.

KangarooCaught · 08/01/2011 23:46

If the house needs to be sold in order for him to buy a house (and possibly have dd live with him) then he will need to go to a solicitor.

FabbyChic · 08/01/2011 23:47

he needs a solicitor get him to one darn quick.

StewieGriffinsMom · 08/01/2011 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

roomonthebroom · 08/01/2011 23:47

How did she manage to steal the card and get that much out of his account?

roomonthebroom · 08/01/2011 23:50

I think by law she can't change the locks if the property is in joint names.

Original poster
sneezecakesmum · 08/01/2011 23:50

She put all the bills and mortgage in her name even though he gave her money to pay them and is now saying the house is hers. He loves his DD and will pay whatever he can for as long as he can, he just needs the money for the house in the next couple of years so she has somewhere to stay with as she said 'if you leave, she will start on me all they time' Sad sad sad

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 08/01/2011 23:50

Stewie they was not married.

StewieGriffinsMom · 08/01/2011 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
sneezecakesmum · 08/01/2011 23:52

Shes changed the locks and wont give him a key. if he goes near the house she threatened to cry rape. He left a bank card and pin no in a locked drawer which she broke open when he was thrown out and took the money out over the course of a week. He nearly fainted today at the bank.
Not married - no divorce no financial settlement yet

OP posts: