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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wish the mummies around here were a bit more slummy?

62 replies

deliakate · 08/01/2011 17:12

We moved to a lovely leafy area outside London before starting a family, and I've been lucky enough to meet some great people with babies the same age.... there are one or two I get on really well with, but I can't help feeling with a lot of people I just can't be myself. They all seem so GOOD and wholesome and perfect.

Maybe I give off that image too, but I doubt it. I miss having my old friends about who would give their children funky names, were happy to have a messy house, get a bit drunk and not be on top of everything all the time. Is this just motherhood? Or would I be better in London - are there more slightly less 'normal' parents there with more creative outlooks and less desire to fit in?

OP posts:

Smartieismycat · 08/01/2011 20:02

My parents moved us here from Ipswich, we were originally from London. I went to school in B/S then after graduation worked in London for few years. Came back here because is good to be near family when you have LO(s). I want to move somewhere where the women are less 'try hard' - would love to move but my mum and sister live nearby and I work (full time) in London. Plus the schools are good. Will see what happens with OH's job hunting. I know of other slummy happy/messy mummies in Kingston/Berrylands area.

JaxTellersOldLady · 08/01/2011 20:07

deliakate, have you moved to Bucks? I can assure you that the yummies are often not as yummy as they like to think.

mrsnw · 08/01/2011 20:09

Hehe. I'm from east London and moved to Herts (not far from B Stortford) 10 years ago. Yes it is a bit different :).

porcamiseria · 08/01/2011 21:09

yanbu

I love seeing my old friends for the same reason, we swear, smoke , reminisce about being sluts, drink, semi-ignore our kids, its great!

its a the curse of the middle class suburbs

JaxTellersOldLady · 09/01/2011 18:13

I read an article online from the DM today and it quoted 'us lot' on mumsnet and it was roughly along the same lines as OP.

Althought to be fair she was talking about the school run in W London and hob nobbing with the likes of Trinny Woodhall and Stella McCartney.

UnquietDad · 09/01/2011 18:23

The Mail basically uses this place as a handy database to nick stuff from.

southeastastra · 09/01/2011 18:26

ha i read that too jax

MatureUniStudent · 09/01/2011 18:29

Near Stortford too - our area is far more Yummy Mummy but with the Essex gloss on it. I love it though, as behind all those gleaming children/houses/cars are normal messed up humans, who have to work a lot harder than the rest of us to pretend they are not! Too exhausting for me, their lives.

sb6699 · 09/01/2011 18:39

You have obviously not bumped into me during the school run!!!

Everyone else seems immaculately made-up and I'm lucky if I've had time to brush my hair

As for the Council thing, I agree it is very divided but I suppose if some of the houses round about are worth millions then a class divide is to be expected.

Anyone fancy a drink

thighsmadeofcheddar · 09/01/2011 18:44

I reckon OP is in Surrey. Yummy mummy central here.

bamboobutton · 09/01/2011 18:47

i was thinking surry too.

lived there for two years

so glad to be back in norfolk.

northerngirl41 · 09/01/2011 18:56

OP - you say you present the "perfect front" to all the yummy mummies too, perhaps they don't want to let their guard slip either?

My suggestion is to pick the most likely rebel in the group and get steaming drunk with her and see what happens. If she's an undercover slummy mummy she'll rejoice in having found a kindred spirit and if she's not, she'll tell the rest of them and the other undercover Slummy Mummies will find you!

LoveRedShoes · 09/01/2011 19:20

I highly recommend hosting a poker evening with lots of margaritas - then you'll see a few masks slip!

Smartieismycat · 09/01/2011 19:25

I was thinking myself about a lady I see at the station. She gets an earlier train than me (usually) but when I caught that train I would marvel at her made up face, groomed glossy looks. Then one day I actually met her, in a social situation with other mums. She has a nanny hence being able to put on make up before 7am - but she wasn't someone I wanted to spend much time with, plus she was behaving like someone on diet pills. If you've ever been crazy or desperate enough to take them you'll know what I mean.

JaxTellersOldLady · 09/01/2011 19:37

well some of the people will be dropping off children and then going off to work, whether in corporate land or the shop along the road.

Some will just want to look 'good' in the morning and some will be going to the gym/for a run or usually me heading off to walk the dogs. The parents who know me will know what I am doing by how I am dressed, they also know I dont give a flying fig if they own a porsche carrerrarrrrraaaa or an old beat up car. I dont judge people on what they drive or the way they dress. I judge on other more important things.

Smartieismycat · 09/01/2011 19:41

Jax that is the thing, appearances are never what they seem.

toeragsnotriches · 09/01/2011 20:47

We live in Hackney and have to be London based for my husband's work. Actually, moving away is, of course, never impossible but the kids would never see him and I'd be on my own most of the week and every weekend.

So, despite the patchy schooling, probably smaller house etc we decided to stay - and you know what? I feel too normal! Hackney's popping with kids with unusual names and laid back creative parents giving their kids boho lifestyles(!) Their image is a laid back one but most of them paid about 50k more than the average price of a house in this area to force their kids into the 'popular' primary school so they won't have to mix with the 'locals'. So images of all sorts can hide the opposite underneath!

On the surface, where we live is pretty rough but because we've lived here for years we know a lot of people and are really part of the community. The DCs'll go to a rougher school than most but will know loads of the kids there, have walked past it every day since they were born and can be dropped off there in the mornings by DH. They're welcomed by name by all the local shops we go in and we never make a trip out without bumping into someone we know. But it took a long time to become that way... so I guess what I'm saying is give it a few years more - fitting in somewhere won't happen fast!

Sorry this turned into a rant. And it sounds holier than thou. I'm a bit sensitive at the mo. As you were!

Foyled · 09/01/2011 21:00

I've never really thought about this, my children are late teens now, but reading it I could relate to what you were saying and guess where I live BS! Moved here from London 14 years ago.

thighsmadeofcheddar · 09/01/2011 21:59

My best friend totally fits the yummy mummy tag, she looks immaculate, gorgeous home, massive chelsea tractor, 2 x gorgeous children. But she loves nothing more than a bucket of KFC for lunch and a good browse in Aldi. Looks can be completely deceiving.

Booandpops · 09/01/2011 22:07

I'm n herts last time I was in bs. It was full of boy racers doing 100 mph down the high st? Schools supposed to be pretty good tho

MatureUniStudent · 10/01/2011 10:16

If we are all happy slummy mummy's living in/near Stortford - why arn't we meeting up in real life?!

sjm123 · 10/01/2011 10:25

I know exactly what you mean. I always feel like I'm being judged for a multitude of things and seem to get completely ignored by the other mum's at the school. Mind you my 2 only started there 3 years ago and I worked (and thus was not at the school often) up until recently.

I'm sure they think I'm weird. I probably am, but I think I'm nice weird!

Oh, and I'm in Stortford too!

sb6699 · 10/01/2011 12:13

MatureUniStudent - you should start a thread in the Stortford MN Local.

Takeresponsibility · 10/01/2011 12:29

Totally agree with UnquietDad - that was the first thought that popped into my head.

Deliakate- don't try and find out what makes these women tick - you might uncover more than you bargained for.

bupcakesandcunting · 10/01/2011 12:40

I wish the mummies round here were a bit less slummy. Most of them rock up at the school like they've just crawled out of a skip

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