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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be outraged that obesity is being addressed whilst people are dying of anorexia a subject never mentioned by the government?

65 replies

milokaimilo · 07/01/2011 22:50

My daughter has been struggling with anorexia for 4 years. We have travelled miles to find any kind of treatment for her. Not enough funding they say, not enough people suffering from it they say. The fact that 1 in 100 teenage girls will have some kind of eating disorder, the fact that 10 of those will die before anyone takes any notice. I've campaigned, shouted, cried in the face of the doctors who sit there patronising me and telling me I'm over reacting when my daughter weighs just 4 stone with a height of 163cms. Please sign the anorexia awareness register or contact BEAT or something to help raise awareness.

Today it's my daughter, tomorrow it might be yours. 4 years ago, my life was normal, now I don't have one and my daughter wouldn't be here if I was shy! :(

OP posts:

BoysAreLikeDogs · 07/01/2011 23:01

anorexia is a terrible disease

singingcat · 07/01/2011 23:04

I hate to say YABU after such a heartfelt and sad post, but I have found that GPs are usually more concerned about people being too thin, because once BMI goes below 18.5, then that's an immediate concern. But with being overweight, they bitch at you to lose some but don't actually help.

I agree that funding is poor in a lot of areas though. I am really shocked that drs didn't take your daughter seriously when she was 4 stone - really?? How can that happen?

curlymama · 07/01/2011 23:07

for you and your dd. Anorexia is awful, and I can't begin imagine the distress it must cause you to have to deal with this.

Unfortunately, it's one of many underfunded illnesses. I think obesity probably gets so much attention because it is so widespread, I expect just about every one of us could write a list of the obese people we know. And of course, it costs the NHS a huge amount of money, which is why it gets so much attention.

Original poster

milokaimilo · 07/01/2011 23:10

Believe it or not my concerns with her were first raised at BUPA with a consultant. I only realised later that after paying into the scheme for more than 17 years, mental health issues are not covered. I was left out in the cold and it was only with the support of her school that anyone took any notice of our family. Thankfully today she is at a unit which opened up only 1 year ago and is making very slow progress, but progress is progress. Please pray for her. Thankyou

OP posts:

LovePinkBitsOfMyHorse · 07/01/2011 23:22

Hope your daughter continues to make progress. PM me if you like, my daughter was admitted (with anorexia) to an ED unit for young people a couple of years ago and I remember how frightening the whole thing was. here are some entries in a book of hope that parents contributed to, I found them helpful.

I disagree that obesity attracts better or more treatment by the way.

donkeyderby · 07/01/2011 23:23

I wish her the very best milo. We have experience of anorexia in our family and I know what a difficult disease it is to treat and how distressing it is. Progress is progress, as you say and I really wish you every single bit of luck and progress.

Northernlurker · 07/01/2011 23:24

Eating disorders are in fact widespread and an unhealthy attitude to their weight, considering their weight to have a disproportionate influence on their life, popularity and relationships is almost universal amongst women. OP - you are absolutely right to worry about this. Anorexia is a terrible disease - praying for your dd.

FabbyChic · 07/01/2011 23:26

Unfortunately there are more fat people who are dying through being fat bastards and not watching the calories.

I do agree that anorexia does need addressing but unless the numbers swell as big as the fat bastards it just is not going to happen.

Sorry.

LovePinkBitsOfMyHorse · 07/01/2011 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Northernlurker · 07/01/2011 23:32

fabbychic - why is it ok for you to describe the obese as 'fat bastards'? I'm overweight - what the hell have I done that you should speak to me like that?

FabbyChic · 07/01/2011 23:34

Im 2 stone overweight myself and I am a fat because I eat more calories than I burn.

Northern, how can I call you anything I can neither see you and I do not know you.

We are what we are through our own making.

Ive lost a stone I have two to go, in the meantime I am classed as obese due to my height.

Im not proud of it but I would not blame it on my underactive thyroid because that would be a lie.

Northernlurker · 07/01/2011 23:37

I've just told you I am overweight - so your vile remark applies to me and I am offended by it. I don't care to know what weight you are - I asked you why it was ok for you to use that term?

BoysAreLikeDogs · 07/01/2011 23:38

tbh NL I wouldn't bother engaging with this one IYSWIM

JaneS · 07/01/2011 23:38

fabbychic, not helping.

milo - will be thinking of you.

FabbyChic · 07/01/2011 23:39

I told you I never called you a fat bastard.

Read between the lines.

If you are overweight and happy, good for you.

Im a fat bastard and not happy with it at all.

hester · 07/01/2011 23:42

All sympathies to you and your dd. Anorexia is a terrible disease, and I am very glad to have recovered from it. I hope your daughter has a similarly good outcome.

UnseenAcademicalMum · 07/01/2011 23:43

I absolutely agree that disproportionate effort is put into dealing with obesity. It is a different situation (i.e. not anorexia) , but my 2.7 year old is very tiny for his age (think the size of a typical 1 year old) because he simply will not eat. Trying to get medics to take it seriously is neigh on impossible, yet every day is hell as he will not eat anything voluntarily at all. I am dreading him starting school as he will simply go without eating and with all the emphasis on healthy eating, he won't stand a chance as we have to make every mouthful count calorie-wise.

HaveAHappyNewJung · 07/01/2011 23:45

I totally understand your sentiment OP and well done for doing so much for your DD.

However I think it is maybe a bit naive to compare the two ends of the spectrum - of course anorexia should be more of a focus, but I find (personally) the fact that a lot of money goes into obesity awareness to be irrelevant.

FabbyChic · 07/01/2011 23:46

Obesity is addressed more because it cost the National health service more money, it costs with regards to hospitilisation, it causes problems for children.

There are more obese people now than ever before, and that is a drain on the governments finances.

As Anorexics do not cause a drain on finances as they are in the minority there is less news/said about them.

That is really what it is about for the Government, money.

JaneS · 07/01/2011 23:50

fabby, I don't think the issue is insults directed at other overweight posters - it's that you don't just call yourself fat, but a fat bastard. That implies that being fat is something that generates insults.

I can see it might sound self-deprecating on a different thread, but it's not appropriate on a thread like this where the OP is posting about anorexia.

herjazz · 07/01/2011 23:53

op is talking about her daughter and is clearly v distressed, worried and frustrated

the fat bastard stuff is all rather insensitive and innapropriate

A1980 · 08/01/2011 00:03

There was an extreme anorexic in my family. She's recovered now.

Please don;t take what I say as being unkind as it isn't meant to be, it's based on experience of it. It's hard to know what you want to be done as all the treatment for anorexia does not and will not work unless the sufferer wants to recover. You can throw them in hospital, force feed them, drug them, give them intensive psychotherapy and upon discharge they do it ALL over again and it enters a cycle. The same goes for obesity. All the diet and health advice in the world wont work unless they want to recover.

All that said I am truly appalled that they didn't take more notice of your daughter at 4 stone! She ought to have been hospitalised that is dangerously underweight.

I don;t know where you are based but Dee Dawson in London has a specialist clinic for young anorexia sufferers in London called
Rhodes Farm See if you can get the NHS to refer her there if you aren't too far away.

UntitledNo2 · 08/01/2011 00:43

Milo, I really feel for you. As a recovered anorexic, I can completely understand what your daughter is going through. And now, having come out on the other side, I can also understand what you and your family are going through.

Anorexia was hell for me. I hated myself, saw fat in the mirror even when I was several stone underweight, and completely could not understand and resented people trying to tell me I needed to gain weight. There was absolutely not enough support out there for me.

Now, in hindsight, I can see the flip side. My family went through hell with me. My parents barely slept for two years. My older sister, I now know, cried herself to sleep most nights and gave up huge chunks of her (mid-twenties, should be going out on the rip with mates) life to try and talk to me, to watch me and attempt to reach out to me . My baby sister (aged 16 at the time)grew up far too fast, and fell into a role of mothering me - begging me to eat, looking after me on nights out when I got completely hammered after a glass of wine due to not eating, and generally taking care of me. I robbed her of a part of her youth, and I will never forgive myself for that. Again, there was no support out there for my family, none at all.

Anorexia is a serious mental illness, and there should certainly be support available for sufferers and their families.

Please PM if you need any advice, support etc. You will need strength and support to get you and your daughter through this, but it can be done - as me and my healthy 11 stone body are a testament to.

My apologies for the hijack - I guess what I was trying to convey was, yes, it will be difficult, but you and your daughter can get through this, and hopefully you will both come out on the other side, all the stronger for it. It is shameful that there is not enough RL support for you, but I promise, there is much support on here.

Cleofartra · 08/01/2011 00:52

I'm really sorry for your dd and for you OP.

I hope your daughter continues to make progress and you have some relief from the terrible worry you've had since she became ill.

Spenguin · 08/01/2011 00:59

FFS, I think fabbychic is getting unfairly mauled.

Perhaps what she meant to say was that starkly obese people who aimlessly stuff their faces with crap and are knowingly killing themselves should not have as much right to funding as an anorexic? Please correct if wrong, Fabbychic.

If that is the line of reasoning, I agree. Today I read that Britain's fattest man is suing the NHS for failing to, paraphrase, obv, him becoming point-blank disgusting.

I would be inclined to think that people who freak out about the phrase 'fat bastards' and take it personally when it was meant generally are probably just lashing out because of self-hatred/frustration or inability to be happy in their bodies and just looking for a fight because they can't deal with their bodies.

I've been an over-eater and an anorexic-bulimic.

Be what you want...just don't complain about it.

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