to expect my parents to keep their opinions to themselves?

[Mamathulu]

Had 4th cs 4 weeks ago, DH does school runs tues-thurs, so only needed help from my mum & dad with mon & fri for 2 weeks, until I can drive again. (School's too far to walk).

This is the only help I've actually asked for from them. Any other help I've had has been offered. Whilst ringing my dad to leave a message saying my mum didn't need to do the school run for DC's 1 & 2 this afternoon (as xp's organising it), my dad came out with -
"You really need to sort out your flat, as it really distresses your stepmum to see it in such a mess after she does so much to help you out."

Now, don't flame me for this, but it's practically impossible to keep a house tidy with 4 dc's at the best of times, never mind when you have a 4 week old baby, right?

I tried to be calm about it, but he compared our house to theirs, where there's 2 adults, who're both neat-freaks, who both work part-time. I pointed out that a) caesaeran 4 weeks ago b) 4 dc's, one of which is a baby, who I spend 4 hours feeding in a day, one is a toddler who plays with toys all day. I also ended up saying that if it distressed them so much to come round, then perhaps they should think about whether they want to come round here, as they don't have to.

DH works full time, going to London 2 days a week, and I work part-time, DC's are 12, 8, 23 months and 4 weeks. The house is a perpetual bone of contention between us all - DH and I battling DC's 1 & 2 to not be so messy and help out a bit - by this I mean, occassionally wash up, put their clean clothes away & keep their rooms tidy - hardly slave labour. Then every time my stepmum comes round, she'll tisy for an hour or two, but expect it to stay that way.
Meanwhile, DH and I realistically know, that as fast as we pick up the toys and clean the kitchen, more are dropped and more washing and washing up is made.

However, my main beef is this - as I'm now an adult, my dad really shouldn't be telling me how to run my life. Surely, even if my house is not kept to my own standards, they should not expect me to keep to theirs and ABU to perpetually say so.

So, AIBU or am I being postnatally hormonal about this?

well your dad has obviously been discussing you with your stepmum, so no wonder youre annoyed. Youre not required to keep your flat as a 'showhome' to impress anybody else, and Im sure you do your best but get tired, as all mums do. If theyre so worried let them come round and clean your flat, which I bet isnt as bad as they say..but then you wouldnt hear the last of it. Personally I wouldnt give a damn. Talking crap to new mums to make them feel just that little more demoralised if they arent 'perfect' should be made a sport, its that common.