To be getting pissed off with DP's "opinion"?

[PooMachine]

DP has an intense dislike of cats which he told me about when we first met. I thought it wouldn't matter, we're all different etc but I did warn him that I had one and that me and my DCs are cat lovers. He said fair enough, he just didn't like them. Anyway after a while he would just go on and on about how horrible cats were. He'd say they just use you etc. Like if my cat was moiwing at the door he'd say something like "here it is, to take your food and then bugger off again". I ignored it for a bit but does he really need to mention this stuff EVERY time?? anyway he upset my DD at the weekend with this comment:

"Cats must be amongst the most awful, evil creatures that exist. They just kill things for the sake of it. A poor bird spends ages and works like hell to build up a little nest and what happens, awful cat grabs hold of it, rips it to pieces and what's worse is, it does it for fun. It doesn't even eat what it kills, it just rips innocent animals apart for fun. They're disgusting animals."

He finished it off with a description of a half maimed bird flapping around on the garden path dying in agony. DD is now saying she doesn't want our cat to live with us anymore because it's cruel.
I know we're all entitlled to our own opinions and likes and dislikes but isn;t he going overboard??

I think if he's otherwise great this doesn;t have to be a deal breaker. But he has to understand it's not ok to go round upsetting children. If he doesn't have any dcs of his own it may be that he just didn't get that what he was saying was inappropriate. He'll just have to agree not to mention the cat again. And preferably apologise to your dd.

However, if you think he did know what he was doing and was trying to assert his wishes by upsetting people than that is a different kettle of fish. Is he sorry or is he self-righteously maintaining he's done nothing wrong and was merely stating a fact? Because if so this is about more than the cat.

My cat is a hunter killer, yes! but he also eats what he catches, well he did when I lived in Cornwall. He preferred rabbits. Since moving here he has only killed one pigeon, ate half of it and has never caught one again.

OP - I think your dp was out of order with what he said to your daughter tbh.

"it's about him not being able to accept other people have a different opinion to his."

My ex was like this - not just about cats but about religion, hobbies, everything - and he was a grade A wanker and a bully.

Sorry but I am seeing similarites here with your DP.

Do you spend a lot of time at his flat and criticise the things that are special to him? Would you rant about it in an unpleasant graphic way to him and the people he loves..especially children if he has them? Thought not.

Anyone who does an impression of a dying bird is a bit of a nob anyway...I bet you cringed at the sight of him! Hardly the behaviour of the strong sane man of our dreams is it?

It's OK to dislike cats - it's not OK to upset children because of it. Explain over a candlelit dinner - one portion being:

1 x large shallot, finely sliced and sauted
1/2 x green pepper, finely sliced and sauteed
1 skinned chopped tomato
juice of 1/2 lemon
50g beef mince
Pouch Felix Beef Marinade
tsp curry powder
sprinkle of chilli flakes
a little stock
salt and pepper to taste

Serve with plain rice.

Hope he enjoys it .

Thinking of setting darling youngest son on him - the one with the black leathery nose

I think cat's nature can be quite cruel (from a humans perspective) - that's how they are. Have you ever watched them toy with a bird or mouse they have caught? However humans can be pretty damn cruel too. No need to bang on and on about it to our young kids though is there?

Apparently if you die alone, your cat will start to eat you after a day or two (whereas a dog probably wouldn't). Again, it's their nature. Lovely thought ...........

But your DP doesn't need to harp on about it all the time does he - ask him to keep it to himself for the sake of your children.
I think redredruby has also touched on an important point.

PS I am a cat lover :)

FFS its a cat, not a sodding flesh eating Zombie (dead bodies aside Findingstuff, natch!) . I hate dogs, I mean I really hate them. They terrify me, they smell, the make a horrible noise, dribble and shit everywhere (ok so cats do that too!) but i would never dream of saying any of that to a child who owned one!

I just avoid them! And yes, a man having a dog would be a deal breaker for me, which is why I would never go out with one!

Sounds like he is an arse, which btw is also a deal breaker for me!

I don't like cats, or dogs - but mostly cats! For some reason though they seem to like me and if there's a room full of people and one cat it normally pesters the hell out of me. This is true no matter where I am. My auntys cat followed me to college one day - (seriously, stalked me for 20 minutes) I've never so much as stroked the damn thing!

I wouldn't ever hurt any animal and dont get the accusation that cat haters have 'deep rooted emotional issues' - not true, I just don't get them. I can't bear them next to me.

I do have 2 guinea pigs though that I adore so I'm not totally evil :p

ladela - I think it's okay to not like cats, or even hate them. Gardeners and cats do not mix, for instance. And I believe cats are evil and will always single out the cat hater or the one with allergies which is why I have been know to arm guests with water pistols. But joking aside, they are just cats. They have four feet and a tail. They do not have moral, philosophical and theological standpoints on chasing mice. You are okay to not like cats. I have no problem with your view at all. Not liking cats is just not liking cats, equivalent to not liking sushi, not liking trad jazz and not liking coffee.

People who don't like cats are okay. People who are idiots and also don't like cats are still idiots. Actually people who like cats and are idiots are still idiots.

I don't think that it's okay to upset children by a rant about how horrible they are, with graphic and bloodthirsty detail and continually hammer home their OPINION about cats. The whole thing is about the OPINION not the cat. (my opinion)

OP - how is he about other hot topics, like religion or football?

Cat lovers should also check out The Unadulterated Cat by Terry Pratchett.

Aren't you worried he's going to poison it? He sounds a bit strange. There's not liking cats and there's thinking they are evil aliens. The latter is strange.

You could have described my dh there he is not a cat lover either and he could easilly have said the words that your boyfriend said.

speak to him about not saying such things around your dd but apart from that I would leave it.

I do not belive it is some underlying " user" problem or that he is a twat and I suspect the people whom wrote that are all cat lovers. He is simply a person that doesnt care for cats.

I am not massive on them myself but I tolerate them as long as they stay the heck away from me.

No he isnt strange no he isnt a twat and no he doesnt have underlying issues because of it. He was a bit insensitive to speak like that in front of your dd so speak to him about that I bet you will find that he is mortified she has taken it that way.

My dh is a lovely person he just dislikes cats..

Haven't read all the replies so sorry if I repeat.

He should NOT be saying stuff like that in front of you DD. Please don't let him do that any more. Frankly having such a hatred of cats or any animal is quite disturbing. Perhaps he thinks they should be all slaughtered and made extinct. Also why does it matter if a cat is a "user" which by the way is a bit of a childish term which makes me wonder if he is childish. You get affection back from cats but even if you didn't what would it matter?! Do we only do things for other people or animals on the basis of what we'll get back from them? Also he's complaining about stuff (killing) that cats do from instinct, they are animals so what does he expect them to do?! Is he complaining that cats have no morals?

Is he very intelligent by the way?

(Cat lover who wouldn't even go out with a bloke if he hadn't them so much.)

Also, I don't like dogs (having been attacked and bitten by them) but I would never say things like that about it or hate them so much. So much hate!

I would have no problem with him not liking cats. My DH was never that keen (but we have one anyway!) However, I would go mental at the comment to DD, way over the top and said, imo, to cause maximum hurt and upset. He sounds like a twat.

I reckon he sounds wierd TBH. The user comment makes me think he's a bit funky. How can a cat be a user FFS. How long have you been with him? What makes him think he has the right to undermine you and your choices?

U do know that cats never learn don't you? Cats do only want to be fed and sleep. They are boring, and I detest them, dogs are much better they have the capabilities to learn to grow. Cats do fuck all.

What a daft statement. Of course cats learn. Every living thing has the capacity to learn.

"U do know that cats never learn don't you? Cats do only want to be fed and sleep. They are boring, and I detest them, dogs are much better they have the capabilities to learn to grow. Cats do fuck all."

What the hell????

Seriously, what the hell has that got to do with ANYTHING?!

Obviously, not everyone likes cats. That is fine. My DH is not a cat lover exactly and from time to time he does moan about the cat - but it is things like "it's annoying having to transport the cat to your friend's house when we go away, especially when she poos in her cat box and the car smells" NOT "the cat does not worship me sufficiently and nor does your child."

He still feeds her, strokes her if she purrs at him, only swears very quietly when she gives his leg special sharp cuddles etc. I like to think this is partly because a) he does have a grudging affection for her and b) he knows how important she is to me.

There's a big, big difference between mild and understandable irritation once in a while - after all, cats are NOT always brilliant flatmates - and the sort of WEIRD things your partner is saying.

Frankly, he sounds like a psycho to me. I bet he pulls the wings off flies.

"I bet he pulls the wings off flies."

And does experiments on squirrels!

Cats dont learn?? what a silly thing to say.

ladela, the reason you are attractive to cats is because of the differences in human and feline psychology.

The usual cat lovers' things of making kissy noises, calling the cat and gesturing towards it, often with eye contact, are intensely threatening and disturbing to a feline's instincts. Sure, they can learn to live with the human way of doing things, and often respond to these signals, but if there is a person there doing all the desirable things to a cat - ie not looking at it, not gesturing to it and generally ignoring it, the cat will gravitate towards that person as you are less threatening and more welcoming.

So to stop it make like a cat lover! You'll repel them!

As for mine, I do have one that eats his kills. Another is too old and creaky to catch anything, the third is a bit clueless and couldn't hunt to save his life and the youngest hasn't been out yet.

2rebecca

I agree, partly. My DP is also a birder (apparently I am not supposed to say 'twitcher' ) and doesn't like cats.

It's not about cats being 'unloving' and all that tosh. It's about the fact that the artificially elevated domestic cat population is supposed to be making inroads into the native bird population who are also suffering from pollution, destruction of hedgerows, etc.

That said, the fact that he chose to air his views in a deliberately upsetting manner to your DD is worrying because it suggests he is trying to get to you thru her. Not nice, IMO

Did you read the 'taking to children' thread today, Poo? Same deal, just creepier.

talking to children, obv. Argh.