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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be getting pissed off with DP's "opinion"?

91 replies

PooMachine · 07/01/2011 11:53

DP has an intense dislike of cats which he told me about when we first met. I thought it wouldn't matter, we're all different etc but I did warn him that I had one and that me and my DCs are cat lovers. He said fair enough, he just didn't like them. Anyway after a while he would just go on and on about how horrible cats were. He'd say they just use you etc. Like if my cat was moiwing at the door he'd say something like "here it is, to take your food and then bugger off again". I ignored it for a bit but does he really need to mention this stuff EVERY time?? anyway he upset my DD at the weekend with this comment:

"Cats must be amongst the most awful, evil creatures that exist. They just kill things for the sake of it. A poor bird spends ages and works like hell to build up a little nest and what happens, awful cat grabs hold of it, rips it to pieces and what's worse is, it does it for fun. It doesn't even eat what it kills, it just rips innocent animals apart for fun. They're disgusting animals."

He finished it off with a description of a half maimed bird flapping around on the garden path dying in agony. DD is now saying she doesn't want our cat to live with us anymore because it's cruel.
I know we're all entitlled to our own opinions and likes and dislikes but isn;t he going overboard??

OP posts:

curlymama · 07/01/2011 12:16

I don't like cats either, I think your DP is right about everything that he has said abut cats and I could probably say more. But I wouldn't go on about it and upset a child. That's just mean. Maybe he hopes that by the time you move in together properly he won't have to have the cat around. I know it would stop me moving into someones house, but the cat was there before he was so he should shut up and deal with it.

abenstille · 07/01/2011 12:19

I pretty much agree with him to be honest - i really don't like cats...but my partner had one before we met and the cat lives with us and our young dd.
I'd never say that about a cat in front of dd, she adores the cat, and I know that the cat is just doing what cats do.
I do make my dp clean up the frequent dead mice though.
Agree that a science lesson is in order...how does your dp feel about the birds who peck at the defenseless worms?

Sarsaparilllla · 07/01/2011 12:26

I agree with what he's said about cats, they do kill things for fun and it's the main reason I wouldn't ever have a cat.

There's no need to tell your daughter in such detail though, how old is she?

scallopsrgreat · 07/01/2011 12:47

I don't think this is about whether he likes cats or not. Lots have people have said they don't like cats, none of them have said that they would constantly bang on about it and make the OPs DD cry. That is cruel, unnecessary and really the issue. It smacks of ontrolling behaviour. He wants you to get rid of the cat because he doesn't like it regardless of you and your family's feelings in the matter. OP perhaps you should look at other aspects of your relationship and see if he is showing similar traits of selfishness and expectations that you conform to his wishes?

cantgetlaidingermany · 07/01/2011 12:47

I'm not to fond of cats....but not to your dp's extent.
I would never upset a child like that though, he is so out of order

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake · 07/01/2011 12:55

I dont think it's appropriate what he said, it was guaranteed to upset her.

No different than telling her graphic human serial killer stories.

Cats don't kill for fun, thats us anthropomorphising them. They kill for instinct and they don't have empathy. Doesn't stop people appreciating their actual qualities.

singingcat · 07/01/2011 12:59

agree with Laurie, it's stupid to apply human behaviour to animals. They aren't 'cruel', it's just what they do. I am suspicious of people who really hate cats, especially people who go on about cats not being adoring enough. Loads are, actually, but even so I think it's a red flag when people expect unconditional adoration from everything, even cats. Ridiculous.

Miggsie · 07/01/2011 13:04

I am always deeply suspicious of someone who who has such an antipathy towards animals or one particular animal as your DP has.

I have found that a bloke who hates animals (or uses the phrase "they should know their place") invariably has some deep seated emotional issues and is themselves an emotional abuser. I had one friend whose partner had her cat put down while she was at work. He was actually jealous of the love she had for her cat, he then proceeded to isolate her from her friends.

All animal that kill other animals for food could be described as "cruel" and that includes humans.

I would dump him, he sounds unbalanced.

ShirleyKnot · 07/01/2011 13:05

How long have you been dating him?

He sounds like a bit of a turd

RumourOfAHurricane · 07/01/2011 13:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LisasCat · 07/01/2011 13:19

What an arse. My DP hates cats, but when we met I had a very poorly old boy who was blind, deaf, pooing and puking all over the place and suffering repeated strokes. I kept him alive for as long as he wasn't in pain and seemed to get some pleasure from rolling around in the grass and sitting on a lap being stroked, but at enormous expense and emotional stress to me. DP said nothing. I knew what he was thinking ("just kill the bugger"), but he didn't say it. Why? Because he'd always known how important that cat was to me. He took me on as a cat owner and lover. We don't now have a cat as a couple/family, because I know he doesn't like them.

That's just a small example of the bahaviour of a decent human being. Perhpas show it to your DP.

Deflatedballoonbelly · 07/01/2011 13:22

He is not that wrong though is he? All he has done is be overly opinionated and to it has upset your DD.

Just tell him to STFU. If he cannot grasp why you are pissed off with him, then he is a simpleton. Simples.

Saltatrix · 07/01/2011 13:26

Don't humans also kill for the sake of it......?

quiddity · 07/01/2011 13:34

Agree with scallops.
So he hates cats. Wouldn't it be enough to say so once? Why would he need to go on and on about it? It's a way of getting at you.

singingcat · 07/01/2011 13:35

Oh my God Miggsie! I can't believe your friend's partner had her cat pts because he was jealous. To me, that calls for swift and elaborate revenge. What did your friend do?

amberleaf · 07/01/2011 13:39

He sounds jealous, im suspicious of people that are 1. jealous of animals and children and 2. cat haters

FakePlasticTrees · 07/01/2011 14:13

I wouldn't want to be with a man who would deliberately try to upset my child, and I can't see how he thought that your DD wouldn't be upset by why he said.

maras2 · 07/01/2011 14:18

Men who don't like children or cats should be given a wide berth.Dump him.

QuietTiger · 07/01/2011 14:20

This would be an absolute "deal breaker" for me. He may not like cats, but the point is that you do and he needs to respect that and respect the fact that you have one as a pet.

He sounds an absolute prick to be honest.

wannabesybil · 07/01/2011 14:22

I have a cat who is known as evil cat. Previous cats are known as psycho cat and malevolent cat. I feel qualified to talk on this one.

It's not about the cat. It's the insistence that you conform to his way of thinking, regardless of upsetting a little one.

2rebecca · 07/01/2011 14:23

I disagree. Several of the men in my life have been into bird watching. Birders rarely like cats. I don't like the concept of "pets" ie animals kept purely to entertain humans, but love seeing (most)wild animals and genrally like children.
I find people who equate having pets with liking animals a bit odd. I would hate to be confined in a cage or kept by another species. I think it's sad the population of wildcats here in Scotland has declined, and am delighted beavers are being reintroduced, but would happily see fewer domestic cats and more birds in my garden.

BibiBlocksberg · 07/01/2011 14:24

"Men who don't like children or cats should be given a wide berth"

Agree with that - animals in general I would say.

At the very least tell your DP to keep his opinons to himself!!

Personally I couldn't live with/be with a partner who hated cats since I adore mine.

I find that cats are like a lot of creatures - you get back what you put in.

From my experience they are very loving animals (when they choose to be) but that's fine by me since any creature is entitled to a mind of it's own (in my opinion)

FakePlasticTrees · 07/01/2011 14:24

ooh, wannabesybil is right - that was what upset me so much about this - is really isn't about the cat - it's about him not being able to accept other people have a different opinion to his.

redredruby · 07/01/2011 14:32

This would ring alarm bells for me....

I always think it worrying when people find it difficult to understand that animals don't actual exist solely to meet their owners emotional needs 'cats are so unloving and ungrateful' etc.

A cat will behave as it is designed to via nature and instincts, and if that happens to include cuddles and purring great - but, to take it as a personal affront when the cat appears 'ungrateful' reveals a level of self centeredness which could prove to be a huge barrier to other meaningful, mature, equal human relationships.

And yes, I do speak from bitter bloody experience

Chil1234 · 07/01/2011 14:38

What preceded the remark? Was it completely out of the blue or was it after some 'aren't cats fantastic' conversation?

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