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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be feeling llike a mug regarding martial arts instructer? (LONG)

40 replies

MrsMug · 07/01/2011 09:52

Had to name change because don't particularly want said instructor coming across my name associated with this post!!

But I'm wondering if I'm being unreasonable/silly here because EVERYONE is saying I'm a mug for putting up with this and I'm starting to wonder if they're right.

My son joined a martial arts class three years ago and it was alright at first but after a bit we started to feel a little pressured to attend competitions etc. Apart from that the class seemed to be totally centered around instructors son who was only 7 at the time. It was like "everyone, watch L, look how he does this, it's amazing ..... L will now demonstrate a kata for us ..... " etc etc and the poor lad was put in the spotlight throughout the whole class. If he did anything wrong, the instructor would shout at him for embarrassing him, making him cry etc. His daughter (11 at the time) would often be in tears after he ridiculed her, make her look silly and shouting at her because she wasn't as amazing as her brother etc. The whole class used to feel really uncomfortable. Then as his son got older, he became quite arrogent and started calling my son a wuss and a pansy etc, obviously copying off his dad and even started punching him and kicking him randomly. His father would never tell him off unless it was done in front of everyone then he made a point of saying something but it was mainly treat like a huge joke "oh look, L has beaten up D again and he's two years younger!" Hmm Then we started getting pressured into going to competitions all the time. He didn't drive so I took his son from Manchester to Newcastle and he didn't even offer any petrol money or anything.
So in the end my son gave it up but I'd started by this time and became quite engrossed in it. I carried on with it but the class hasn't changed much. His son became a black belt at the age of 10 Hmm and is now used to "teach". His son gets to run the warm ups which usually involve running around, picking each other up and basically doing stuff that no self-respecting adult would normally do and then he's used to actually teach sometimes meaning us adults are being "taught" by a cockly 11 year old.

Its not just the class though, I got pressured into volunteering for competition staff and the one time I couldn't make it because I was working, he went in a strop, told the head organiser that I WOULD be doing it (which then made it worse when I had to explain to him that I couldn't) and basically made a point of letting me know how I'd let everyone down.

He ignores any messages I send him unless it benefits him to reply. (For instance if I send him a message saying "When does training start after christmas?" he'll ignore it. If I sent him one saying "I can do the next competition" he'll reply with "excellent! see you there! :-) )"

He slags people off to the class if they're not there, for instance before christmas I couldn't train very often and I heard he'd said to the entire class "oh well, Mrs Mug hasn't bothered showing up again, and she thinks she's going to be grading next year?!" WTF????

I'm due to start again on Monday but I don't know if I can be arsed with it anymore.

I'm basically paying for 2 hours in which half of that involves watching his son "demonstrate"

OP posts:
mutznutz · 07/01/2011 09:56

Sorry, I can't believe YOU actually joined a class that crap after your son's experience.

I don't really think there's anything more to say other than WTF???

goldenticket · 07/01/2011 09:57

Blimey, run, run, run for the hills Shock

You are paying for this. Find another class ASAP.

Original poster
MrsMug · 07/01/2011 09:59

I actually joined before it got this bad. Everyone that started when my son started has now left. I stayed because I really wanted to carry on with learning but I now realise I should have left when my son did.

OP posts:
UniS · 07/01/2011 10:00

Quit going. If you are not enjoying it , don't do it, tis only a hobby.
IF you want to carry on competing...
Look around for a different group doing same discipline and accept that there will some differences in style.
IF you have hassle from original instructor, state new group was better time/ location/ more adult...

SeaTrek · 07/01/2011 10:02

wow - definitely change groups/instructors or find another sport to participate in. He sounds awful!

curlymama · 07/01/2011 10:02

There are alot of martial arts groups out there, I'd find another one. I certainly wouldn't stick around anyone who made my child feel humiliated, even a little bit.

We have been to a simelar group for a kids martial arts class, it was all mixed ages. Instructors son was much older than my children but was obviously encoursged more than the others, and was used to teach and help out the younger kids. He was a lovely lad though so that didn't bother me, I think it was part of getting his next belt to help teach the others. But there was always a strong emphasis on attending competitions that I didn't like. It's great to offer it to the dc's so they can go if they want, but my two weren't that interested in competeing they just wanted to learn a bit and enjoy the lesson once a week. Plus we often had other things going on at the weekends. After the competitions though the instructors would praise the ones that went but in a way that would make the others feel bad. I didn't like that at all. Maybe this stuff is quite common with martial arts groups.

mutznutz · 07/01/2011 10:02

Yeah but you knew the guy was a prize dick when your son was there...yet you still joined.

Is that really the only class around?

Checkmate · 07/01/2011 10:03

He can't be a very good martical arts teacher, when his style of parenting is so opposite to the ethos of martial arts (defence not offence etc..)
DS1 (age 6) comes back from his martial arts clubs saying things like "Sensei says life is a circle, what you do comes back onto you." The sensei is a very gentle man - despite his immense strength - and this is something that should be learned from a good martial arts instructor, imo.

Sounds ghastly. Never go back.

OTheHugeManatee · 07/01/2011 10:03

What a tosser.

There are some lovely martial arts types, but there's always a handful (usually the sort that wear combat boots despite having never been in the forces, keep Guns & Ammo back issues under their bed etc) who are just in it so they can prove to everyone what a total dick man they are.

Run as fast as you can in the direction of away!

Original poster
MrsMug · 07/01/2011 10:04

Well to be honest, these past few months I've had to really force myself to go. I thought originally I was just going off it but I'm starting to wonder if its the class itself. I dread the atmosphere, the 11 year old warm-ups (I pulled a hamstring doing bloody "spider-man" across the floor!), the whole macho crap.

There is another club nearby led by a woman which I fancy trying to its the same association so current instructor will almost definately find out Sad

OP posts:
cestlavie · 07/01/2011 10:05

Um. Leave. Leave now.

I actually did karate for a while in my youth and did come across a couple of these power-crazed freaks who believed in their own omnipotence because they had a 4th Dan. Deeply unpleasant people who liked seeing others grovel around them.

There are, however, many very capable, helpful and supportive karate instructors out there so I'd try and find one of those if you're looking to carry on.

PaisleyLeaf · 07/01/2011 10:06

There must be other groups in Manchester.

coatgate · 07/01/2011 10:08

Just leave ffs.

PaisleyLeaf · 07/01/2011 10:10

Go to the other one. You don't have to explain anything to him.
Or you could always fib that the time suits better or something.

Original poster
MrsMug · 07/01/2011 10:11

I remember once this bloke started, quite overweight he was and not at all co-ordinated but he tried - anyway instructor turned away to laugh etc and took the piss out of him with other students.
A couple of years ago (when I first joined) it used to be around one class a month would be geared towards competition training. Now it's almost every class. He'll say "right, L is in a competition at the weekend so we're all doing competition training".

He also gets those kids up that entered the competition and praises them before adding on the end "those that TRY, win. The rest of you need to take a look at this lot and aspire to be as good as them".

Or when a young child starts he'll say stuff like "if you ever want to be as good as L you need to .... " etc etc. It sounds awful but it's got to the point where everytime L is mentioned, people start rolling their eyes. The poor kid must feel the tension, surely.

OP posts:
Imisssleeping · 07/01/2011 10:14

Everyone is saying your a Mug and you don't think you are ... why?
Can't believe you actually have to ask tbh.

piprabbit · 07/01/2011 10:20

I'd have thought leaving this awful class, and joining another one belonging to the same association would send the crap instructor exactly the message that he needs to get i.e. that people are leaving his classes in droves, not because they don't enjoy the sport but because they don't enjoy his class.

Why do you feel like you owe this man to stay in his class?

Why are you afraid of him finding out about how you feel?

mutznutz · 07/01/2011 10:22

So there's another club nearby and you're worried he might find out you changed to it?

What's he going to do? Leap through the window and Ninja kick you to death during the first warm up routine? Hmm

wizzler · 07/01/2011 10:39

I go to a martial arts class that includes kids and adults. I am Shock that your instructor would not immediately stop one child hittng another. Anyone doing that in my group would be made to sit at the back until they cooled down.. Leave now and find another class. Consider a note to head organiser explaining your reasons.

outnumbered2to1 · 07/01/2011 10:42

sorry but if it was me i would be reporting him to what ever martial arts association his club is affiliated with because this guy is a bully not an instructor. And you need to tell him to GTF.

JamieLeeCurtis · 07/01/2011 10:47

This man is a prize twat. If he were a football coach he'd be a prize twat, and being a martial arts instructor makes his behaviour doubly twatty in my book. The first time someone humiliated or took the piss out of someone, I'd be out of there - if I didn't I'd feel was implicated in it.

Onetoomanycornettos · 07/01/2011 10:53

Oh dear, you actually seem a bit frightened of this man, not wanting him to find out you have gone elsewhere, not wanting to tell him you can't make competitions or supervise things.

He sounds like a bully, and you are a PAYING CUSTOMER. Please move on to the class run by the lady, and don't go there again. It can be your New Year's Resolution. And don't be worried about bumping into him on the circuit, all the other people have left too and you have a perfect right not to feel browbeaten and a bit scared of this ridiculous man.

Aims80 · 07/01/2011 10:54

You're an adult, why are you spending time and money on something you don't enjoy?!

AnnieLobeseder · 07/01/2011 10:57

Um, so what if he finds out you've moved to another class. You should tell him you're going and why. You are in no way obligated to him or his club!

Move! Martial arts is a fantastic thing to do but you need to find a club that suits you.

This instructor is an utter idiot. Reminds me of my instructor when I did karate as a child. He was an egocentric wanker too. I finally left when he started to feel me up in the club minibus when I was 14!

WimpleOfTheBallet · 07/01/2011 10:58

Who cares if he finds out!? I cannot belive you have kept going!

It sounds like a sketch from some comedy show!

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