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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would my INLAWS be being U if they got upset about this?

40 replies

noonar · 06/01/2011 21:00

ok, this is about my mum viewing a house in my inlaws' favourite street...

background:

in the summer we moved to a large village/ small market town 15 miles from the city where we used to live.

my mum used to live a few blocks away from us at the old house- she moved from the other side of the city to be close to us 4 years ago.

she has looked after my dds since they were babies when i went back to work. and later helped with after school care. she contributes loads to their lives and they to hers. they are v close. she is on her own, btw, and the grandchildren are at the centre of her world.

my mum says that after a few months of us being away, it has finally sunk in that we are no longer down the road and she especially misses the dds.

anyway, she has decided to move house and come and live near our new place. the thing is, my inlaws have also liked this town for sometime- before we even moved here. When i was saying how nice it is living in this town to FIL the other day, he said to me "we've liked town X since long before you moved , here, you know". anyway, they have often discussed their hypothetical move here and expressed a particular liking for a certain street. lets call it street A.

now,it just so happens that a house has come on the market that would really suit my mum, due to her mobility issues and its location. the problem is, its in street A. my inlaws' fave street.

i guess this is more a WWYD in this situation. and would inlaws be being unreasonable if they got cross if my mum put an offer on this house? MIL is not very easy going and can see her taking a grumpy 'it was our idea first' attitude.

i dont want to upset inlaws, but it seems a bit petty to deprive my mum of this opportunity on these grounds.

what do you think?

OP posts:
D0G · 06/01/2011 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theevildead2 · 06/01/2011 21:05

Yes They wbu. They don't own the street and her moving there certainly doesn't stop them moving. Also if they are so interested in living there, what's stoping them?

HaveAHappyNewJung · 06/01/2011 21:06

If they get upset they are very childish!

DullWomenHaveImmaculateHomes · 06/01/2011 21:07

DOG's right. It's up to your mum. Does she get on with your PILs?

Original poster
noonar · 06/01/2011 21:07

yes, it is up to her. totally. but she is relying on me to shortlist potential properties as she doesnt know the area well and dosent use the internet. the agent offered us a viewing on it tomorrow but i am stalling for the reasns above.

OP posts:
ReindeerBollocks · 06/01/2011 21:07

Your mum is in a better position and actually ready to move, as opposed to the hypothetical move your IL's have suggested.

However, if you (or your DH) have ever tried to put down the idea of the IL's moving into the town then the IL's would probably feel aggrieved.

If not, ignore MIL if she does complain, she had a choice (to move into street A, when she first mentioned the idea) and decided not to act upon it.

CarGirl · 06/01/2011 21:09

If your PILs really wanted to move they have had plenty of time to do so???

LittleMissHissyFit · 06/01/2011 21:10

If your MIL wants to buy a house in street A, what has stopped her up till now..?

could she not be happy for her co-inlaws?

Do YOU want your Mum nearer? If so, then tell her, she may like it or not not even like the house. If she buys a house there, it's her business surely.

If you are worried that your MIL will be funny, then just pass the info to your mum, and then step back.

What does your H have to say on the matter?

D0G · 06/01/2011 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
noonar · 06/01/2011 21:11

thanks guys. i agree that it would be childish, but instinctively feel that their noses would be out of joint.

they do get on and my mum would be happy enough to live near them. but i just dont think they'd share her enthusiasm. my mum is quite unconventional/ quirky. they are very meat and two veg IYSWIM

OP posts:
ModreB · 06/01/2011 21:13

If your mum moves, you could always massage the ego of your PIL - you know "Oh, we know how you loved that street, and you have such good taste that we thought we would go with your great ideaGrin"

Original poster
noonar · 06/01/2011 21:15

reindeer, on the contrary, we think it would good if they lived here too, and have encouraged them to move. it would be good for the dds and good for babysitting opportunities!

OP posts:
Original poster
noonar · 06/01/2011 21:19

littlemiss, dh would be really worried about treading on his mum's toes . he is always nervous of upsetting her. must go back to childhood...

i would love my mum to be nearer.

OP posts:
narkypuffin · 06/01/2011 21:23

I don't think you can bagsy a street. Your motherv should go for it.

charliesmommy · 06/01/2011 21:25

I think its great to be able to have your mum so close by, and even better if the in-laws can move nearer too.. nothing beats having your family near by if you all get on.

I would tell them about it and word it as "my mum has found a brilliant house on xxx street, it will be great if you are going to move there too, we will really love having you all so close together"

Original poster
noonar · 06/01/2011 21:26

thanks, narky. logically, i know that. but they would be annoyed, dont you think? would you be? i would prob be irritated and jealous but would try not to let it show, if i'm honest, as i'd know it was unreasonable.

OP posts:
Original poster
noonar · 06/01/2011 21:28

charliesmommy, we couldnt just drop it into conversation like that as they know we know about their love of that street. in fact, dh, who is a bit of a joker, even teased them about US having found a house on street a when we were looking to buy.

OP posts:
charliesmommy · 06/01/2011 21:31

change the words to "when you move here too".. and just play innocent and assume that they wouldnt have liked that particular house...

FabbyChic · 06/01/2011 21:31

Why not take your mother to see the house and see how she feels first? If she decides to make an offer then you can tell your inlaws.

One step at a time.

narkypuffin · 06/01/2011 21:34

It's not like there's just one house on the street though is it. There's nothing to stop them buying there. And it does sound like they're daydreaming about it rather than actually looking- they've liked it since before you moved there but not made any plans to move. Whereas your mother is actually ready to view.

The house might not end up being right for your mother but if you don't go and look you'll feel you missed out.

Anyway, it's not like they actually licked it or anything Grin

thereistheball · 06/01/2011 21:36

You can't bagsy a street any more than you can bagsy a shop or a favourite vegetable. Ridiculous.

Original poster
noonar · 06/01/2011 21:38

i will suggest the house to her and will show it to her from the outside tomorrow.

will take it from there. thats all.

i have some history with MIL which makes it hard to be objective, so advice is appreciated.

OP posts:
thereistheball · 06/01/2011 21:39

Sorry OP, I didn't mean you were being ridiculous, but that it would be ridiculous of them to kick up a fuss about this.

I suppose the answer to your question comes down to whether your PILs are, in general, reasonable or not.

Original poster
noonar · 06/01/2011 21:39

'thanks all' not 'that's all'!!

OP posts:
Inertia · 06/01/2011 22:55

If your in-laws were that bothered about the street why didn't they buy a house there ?

If your mum likes the house and PIL make a fuss then they are being childish.

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