Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

would my INLAWS be being U if they got upset about this?

40 replies

noonar · 06/01/2011 21:00

ok, this is about my mum viewing a house in my inlaws' favourite street...

background:

in the summer we moved to a large village/ small market town 15 miles from the city where we used to live.

my mum used to live a few blocks away from us at the old house- she moved from the other side of the city to be close to us 4 years ago.

she has looked after my dds since they were babies when i went back to work. and later helped with after school care. she contributes loads to their lives and they to hers. they are v close. she is on her own, btw, and the grandchildren are at the centre of her world.

my mum says that after a few months of us being away, it has finally sunk in that we are no longer down the road and she especially misses the dds.

anyway, she has decided to move house and come and live near our new place. the thing is, my inlaws have also liked this town for sometime- before we even moved here. When i was saying how nice it is living in this town to FIL the other day, he said to me "we've liked town X since long before you moved , here, you know". anyway, they have often discussed their hypothetical move here and expressed a particular liking for a certain street. lets call it street A.

now,it just so happens that a house has come on the market that would really suit my mum, due to her mobility issues and its location. the problem is, its in street A. my inlaws' fave street.

i guess this is more a WWYD in this situation. and would inlaws be being unreasonable if they got cross if my mum put an offer on this house? MIL is not very easy going and can see her taking a grumpy 'it was our idea first' attitude.

i dont want to upset inlaws, but it seems a bit petty to deprive my mum of this opportunity on these grounds.

what do you think?

OP posts:

LionsAreScary · 06/01/2011 22:59

Your poor MIL! She hasn't actually done anything yet, and yet here you are posting an AIBU about her.

I hope to be a MIL one day and I hope my future DILs think better of me!

SkyBluePearl · 06/01/2011 23:32

your mum should go for it. inlaws have only talked about it to date and really have had years to move

frgr · 06/01/2011 23:37

your in laws have had a while to make a move

they haven't moved or offered on a property. what is your mum supposed to do - avoid looking at houses in the area until they decide if this airy fairy comment about moving actually bears fruit?

show your mum the property and don't think any more of it. if your in laws have a problem with this, they're being twats. ignore any fuss.

MadamDeathstare · 06/01/2011 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

curlymama · 06/01/2011 23:38

Maybe MIL will be annoyed, but what can they really do? They have eachother, your Mum is on her own. If PIL are serious about moving to that street they will already have their own viewing arranged, they would have their names down with local estate agents that would be aware of their particular interest in street A, and they would have been called as soon as it went on the market. If none of those things have happened, then the house is fair game.

Take your Mum to see it properly, she might not even like it. But why should she be deprived of a wonderful opportunity that will affect the reat of her life just because MIL's nose might be unreasonably out of joint for a week or two?

Secretwishescometrue · 06/01/2011 23:44

I definitely think you should show your mum but would there be any harm in calling your in-laws in the morning and say "hey guys we've been looking at possible properties in the area for my mum and we've found a couple the most suitable one is on street A, now mum would be interested we think, but we know you guys would love street A too, so we were wondering if ye might be interested in lookin at the property too?" tell them a bit about the place say how ye thought it would really suit your mum due to the mobility issues etc but if they really truly want It they get the choice to at least look too and they can never throw the hypothetical well we "would have" back at ye, but if now really isn't the time or its all a bit of talk at the moment, where as your mother is really on the look, then at least ye all know the score... And what's the chances of it ending in a bidding war between your mum and the in-laws at the end of the day? (if that by some small chance that does happen you have my full permission to hunt me down ) But by the sounds of Dh's relationship with the ol mum id probably say better to be safe then sorry... Although they would be totally unreasonable if they did get the hump! But still...

kickassangel · 07/01/2011 01:17

is the house suitable for the ILs? Is it pretty rare for houses to come up there? If they love that town so much, why aren't they on the agents' listings?

they're adults. only if they had asked you to help look for houses & you deliberately concealed it from them would they have a right to take umbridge.

have they ever actually attempted to move, or do they just talk the talk?

i think you should take your mum to see it & let her decide. the next time you talk to your ILs & they mention how much they like the town/street, why not say 'oh, we could let you know if anything comes up, is your house on the market?' see if they really are interested.

Silver1 · 07/01/2011 01:22

I have to say I agree with Lionsarescary nothing has been said by the ILs yet, and even if they did mind they might be gracious enough to show nothing.

What does your DH say about the whole possible scenario?

onmyfeet · 07/01/2011 09:34

Your mother cam live where she likes. If your in-laws want to live there, they need to take action and do so.

altinkum · 07/01/2011 09:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

noonar · 07/01/2011 18:17

lionscary, i did say though that:

this was more a WWYD than AIBU

-that i have encouraged them to move hear also

that i dont want to upset them

dh and i do have reason to be wary of upsetting them... there have been 2 huge family dramas/ upsets that started as a result of MIL taking unreasonable offense to things.

anyway,we did a drive by today and mum doesnt really like the house anyway as she said the street had a wierd vibe,lol! thanks anwyay guys!!

OP posts:

Bunnynamedstanely · 07/01/2011 18:38

Noonar, this happened to us. My pils have been TALKING about moving house for nearly 20 years and for the last 10 TALKING about moving to our town. My folks retired a few years ago said 'we were thinking about moving closer to you what do you think?' we said yes and they quickly found a nice house and moved in. Think that TBH the in-laws were annoyed but really what could they say? If they want to move here they just need to make a decision and do it! (they are mostly lovely but not great at decision making!) i think they are are mostly p'eed off because they think my folks MUST drop in to see the DCs everyday (as they would want to -eek) but Mum and Dad are very independant and lead their own lives.... Not that the pils believe this of course. It hasn't led to any overt problems for us. Vaguely snidey comments and faintly detectable whiff of resentment are easily ignored with a smile!

Original poster

noonar · 08/01/2011 10:27

bunny, thats very interesting! my mum is a 'doer'- they are talkers.

OP posts:

diddl · 08/01/2011 11:23

I don´t see why you need to tell them anything at all tbh-until your Mum moves.

Really, it´s absolutely nothing to do with them, is it?

hairyfairylights · 08/01/2011 15:59

They would be bizarre people if they did get upset about that!!!

Flip

1 2